It's official. I've become "one of them." Yesterday, Marcus and I went to the pool at our condo, stretched out our towels and basked in the glorious rays of sunshine. It was a mere 71 degrees. We didn't brave the frigid waters of the pool, we just sat and read our books trying to absorb natural light. Ahhh, how far I've strayed from my eastern Washington youth. My mom used to have a rule that we couldn't even ask to wear shorts if it wasn't above 60 degrees. And I wasn't allowed to go swimming unless it was over 80. I think if I waited for 80 degrees in Seattle to go swimming, I might never go swimming. EVER.
I also have to report another horrific Western Washington moment. It happened yesterday evening when I ran outside onto the back patio in my bare feet to put the cover on the bbq, as I was muttering under my breath about why Marcus hadn't done it already...when something cold and squishy touched my toe and I gasped/squeeled/pulled my foot off whatever it was and started doing a freakish dance on the back porch until I found the culprit--a slug. SICK. I touched a slug with my clean, bare foot. egh. I came running into the house and could barely speak I was so disgusted. Finally I got the whole story out, and told Marcus that we needed to move to where it was warm, sunny, and where there are no slugs. This place is clearly awful. No wonder I'm puking!! (just kidding)
Anyway, I thought I'd share a couple of little stories before I got to the medical report.
I'm keeping down fluids much more consistently I think. I don't feel like I'm teetering on the edge of destruction so much anymore, BUT I am feeling the side effects of my medications quite a bit. Read: I get dizzy frequently from them. I am doing my best to adjust to this new way of life, but it's hard to slow down, and not do "fun" things. I'm also not driving far consistently because of the meds, which is a little frustrating, as I'm having to depend on others...but it's minor in the scheme of things.
My friend, Michelle and I, went to Crossroads Church in Bellevue this morning. The pastor in his sermon said, "If your pain and illness is for God's glory, than it's all worth it, right?" I found myself nodding. I guess that's a good sign. I'm not really sure what God's doing with all this vomiting, but I sure hope He's being glorified in and through it all.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
because somehow this makes sense?
Last night, after a fun-filled day of rafting Marcus came home and was hungry. We walked to the Farmer's market, and got some Asparagus and yummy cherries. We threw the asparagus on the grill, and he ate the cherries as an appetizer. I thought I'd make some teriyaki chicken and rice to round out the meal. It looked really good, and I was super hungry, so I thought I'd eat some. I figured, worse case scenario, I would just throw it up. But, guess what happened instead?! I totally kept it all down!!! It was amazing!
I'm still shocked.
:) I'm pretty sure I just quadrupled my caloric intake for the month.
And, to top it all off, it's been sunny in Seattle for 3 days in a row. I think I'm in heaven.
Love
brelin
I'm still shocked.
:) I'm pretty sure I just quadrupled my caloric intake for the month.
And, to top it all off, it's been sunny in Seattle for 3 days in a row. I think I'm in heaven.
Love
brelin
Monday, June 21, 2010
doing good with liquids!
I'm doing REALLY well with liquids today. Yay! Thank you, Jesus. :)
Awesome.
I just wanted to post this super fun news so that you can all celebrate this evening.
brelin
Awesome.
I just wanted to post this super fun news so that you can all celebrate this evening.
brelin
Sunday, June 20, 2010
ignoring the doctor, and other new things.
First of all, happy Father's Day to all of my pops out there: Dad, Dad, and Dad-in-law. I love you all!! Thanks for the love, support, and witty remarks that have helped to shape me all these years. You are all such a delightful blessing to me.
Secondly, I want to state, for the record that I am not typically a rebel. I abide by laws, rules, and regulations for the most part. I have almost always obeyed authority figures, and I still even feel a little guilty when I don't tell the whole truth to my mother. That being said, I blatently disregarded the advice of my physician on Friday. I had called the doc again, after a follow-up phone call from the hospital reminded me of my need to make an appointment. While speaking with the nurse about the care I received a week ago, she prompted me to call the GI doc again, and let him know that my success and progression through the land of "full liquids" was leaving a little something to be desired. I called to ask him what I should do.
The doctor (via his really nice nurse) told me that I needed to get my butt back to the hospital, where he could put another NG tube in, and let my bowels rest for a substantially longer period this time. So that we could "do it right this time." I told them that I appreciated their concern, and that I REALLY did not want to go to the hospital again, and I certainly did not want another NG tube. So, instead, the doc called in a couple of new meds for me to try at home.
I have felt really naughty all weekend, knowing that I "broke" the rules by not listening to the doctor. In my defense, Marcus said that I didn't have to do what the doctor said this time, and that only I really know how bad I feel. I told him that I didn't feel bad enough to go to the hospital...so we had ice cream cones, and went for a walk instead.
I'm still vomiting most everything, but there seem to be little glimmers of hope every so often. I kept down half a container of yogurt the other day, and today, I've digested some cereal. Just enough to keep me guessing, it seems. I think that I'm doing a little better with fluids today too, so that is positive. My BP is still running pretty low (I assume, since I've been more dizzy than normal), we believe it's a low volume issue. The only answer to that problem is to keep more fluids down...which is going to happen soon.
Me and my little rebellious spirit are off to bed now :). Thank you all for your prayers.
brelin
Secondly, I want to state, for the record that I am not typically a rebel. I abide by laws, rules, and regulations for the most part. I have almost always obeyed authority figures, and I still even feel a little guilty when I don't tell the whole truth to my mother. That being said, I blatently disregarded the advice of my physician on Friday. I had called the doc again, after a follow-up phone call from the hospital reminded me of my need to make an appointment. While speaking with the nurse about the care I received a week ago, she prompted me to call the GI doc again, and let him know that my success and progression through the land of "full liquids" was leaving a little something to be desired. I called to ask him what I should do.
The doctor (via his really nice nurse) told me that I needed to get my butt back to the hospital, where he could put another NG tube in, and let my bowels rest for a substantially longer period this time. So that we could "do it right this time." I told them that I appreciated their concern, and that I REALLY did not want to go to the hospital again, and I certainly did not want another NG tube. So, instead, the doc called in a couple of new meds for me to try at home.
I have felt really naughty all weekend, knowing that I "broke" the rules by not listening to the doctor. In my defense, Marcus said that I didn't have to do what the doctor said this time, and that only I really know how bad I feel. I told him that I didn't feel bad enough to go to the hospital...so we had ice cream cones, and went for a walk instead.
I'm still vomiting most everything, but there seem to be little glimmers of hope every so often. I kept down half a container of yogurt the other day, and today, I've digested some cereal. Just enough to keep me guessing, it seems. I think that I'm doing a little better with fluids today too, so that is positive. My BP is still running pretty low (I assume, since I've been more dizzy than normal), we believe it's a low volume issue. The only answer to that problem is to keep more fluids down...which is going to happen soon.
Me and my little rebellious spirit are off to bed now :). Thank you all for your prayers.
brelin
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
sloooooooooooooooooowly
I'm not very good at doing anything slowly. I don't like to wait, and I'm impatient when I'm not good at things right away.
I am not good at digesting. This is frustrating, and something that I have to re-learn to do, at a pain-stakingly SLOW rate. I can't gulp, I have to sip. I can't run, I have to walk. I can't go from the downward dog position in yoga class to standing straight up without getting dizzy and feeling faint.
I also like to have plans and make plans. This is something else that I need to re-learn to let go of. I can't meet my friend to chat when I can't drive because the room is spinning around me. This is also frustrating.
I KNOW that God has a plan for me, and it's much better than my own plan. It PROMISES this is Jeremiah. However, I often wish that God would include me on the next memo about WHERE and WHEN the plan might be taking place, and all that it entails. I want to look forward to whatever it is that is going to be. Unfortunately, that is not how it seems to be working. Instead of looking ahead to the future, God is asking me, "Brelin, will you be faithful to me right now? Right here, in this time, when you are too weak to go at life in your own power? Will you allow ME to be your strength?"
I think that is what I'm wrestling with the most right now. I can't just be stubborn and get through this battle. I have to, again and again, release my will and uncurl my fingers that are tightly trying to grasp at control--and let God have the authority in my life, in this disease, and in all of my plans for the future.
Yes, Lord. I will trust you today. I will ask for help when I need it. I will not try to muscle my way through the healing process. I will give myself grace when I need to rest. I will relinquish control and authority over my body, this horrific disease that I'm fighting, and all of my plans for the future. And, God, just one more thing...please help me to remember that I said all this tomorrow, when I try to take it back. :)
Amen.
I am not good at digesting. This is frustrating, and something that I have to re-learn to do, at a pain-stakingly SLOW rate. I can't gulp, I have to sip. I can't run, I have to walk. I can't go from the downward dog position in yoga class to standing straight up without getting dizzy and feeling faint.
I also like to have plans and make plans. This is something else that I need to re-learn to let go of. I can't meet my friend to chat when I can't drive because the room is spinning around me. This is also frustrating.
I KNOW that God has a plan for me, and it's much better than my own plan. It PROMISES this is Jeremiah. However, I often wish that God would include me on the next memo about WHERE and WHEN the plan might be taking place, and all that it entails. I want to look forward to whatever it is that is going to be. Unfortunately, that is not how it seems to be working. Instead of looking ahead to the future, God is asking me, "Brelin, will you be faithful to me right now? Right here, in this time, when you are too weak to go at life in your own power? Will you allow ME to be your strength?"
I think that is what I'm wrestling with the most right now. I can't just be stubborn and get through this battle. I have to, again and again, release my will and uncurl my fingers that are tightly trying to grasp at control--and let God have the authority in my life, in this disease, and in all of my plans for the future.
Yes, Lord. I will trust you today. I will ask for help when I need it. I will not try to muscle my way through the healing process. I will give myself grace when I need to rest. I will relinquish control and authority over my body, this horrific disease that I'm fighting, and all of my plans for the future. And, God, just one more thing...please help me to remember that I said all this tomorrow, when I try to take it back. :)
Amen.
Monday, June 14, 2010
cautiously optimistic
I remain cautiously optimistic about my health. I'm throwing up much less often than I was previously, but I have not stopped vomiting completely. I feel like this is good progress, although it is not the ultimate goal, of course.
I'm working through a bible study with some of my friends from college. We skype in together to discuss the week prior. I managed to fall dreadfully behind, and was dutifully trying to catch up before we have our "meeting" tonight. I started out reading the story where God says, "I am the Potter, you are the Clay." It's really a nice analogy, thinking of how God shapes us and molds us to something beautiful and whole. However, it takes a lot of getting mushed and smashed for us to get there. I know, and trust, that God can use all of this suffering that I'm going through to His glory. I just wish I knew how long that it would all continue. I remain in His hands, and hope that this transitional process will go smoothly, and I pray that it might be over soon. I think back to my own dreadful ashtray creations in elementary school, molded proudly out of clay, for my mom who doesn't smoke. I hope that God will treat me much more gently, and that I will be tasked with a higher purpose than the paperweight I made. :)
It's wonderful to be home. My bed has never been more comfortable than it is right now. It is a privelege and a blessing too, to have a loving husband by my side, who gently comforts me as the nights are long and full of pain.
Thank you to all of you who read and pray faithfully for me. You are a blessing.
brelin
I'm working through a bible study with some of my friends from college. We skype in together to discuss the week prior. I managed to fall dreadfully behind, and was dutifully trying to catch up before we have our "meeting" tonight. I started out reading the story where God says, "I am the Potter, you are the Clay." It's really a nice analogy, thinking of how God shapes us and molds us to something beautiful and whole. However, it takes a lot of getting mushed and smashed for us to get there. I know, and trust, that God can use all of this suffering that I'm going through to His glory. I just wish I knew how long that it would all continue. I remain in His hands, and hope that this transitional process will go smoothly, and I pray that it might be over soon. I think back to my own dreadful ashtray creations in elementary school, molded proudly out of clay, for my mom who doesn't smoke. I hope that God will treat me much more gently, and that I will be tasked with a higher purpose than the paperweight I made. :)
It's wonderful to be home. My bed has never been more comfortable than it is right now. It is a privelege and a blessing too, to have a loving husband by my side, who gently comforts me as the nights are long and full of pain.
Thank you to all of you who read and pray faithfully for me. You are a blessing.
brelin
Saturday, June 12, 2010
home. ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
It seems that the horrible NG tube worked some magic on "retraining" my stomach. I was released from the hospital after being puke-free for 2 days. (yes!!) So far, I've taken in a small nonfat yogurt container, and 3 bites of cream of wheat. Water is staying down with small sips also.
Before I left the hospital, he upped my NG tube drip to 40 mL/hour, which is a couple of Tablespoons per hour. So I just have to eat that slowly and carefully for the next week or two until things get under control and my body thinks "digest" rather than "puke".
He's put me on some drugs that make me a little dopey, but just in the morning, so I can live with that.
I'm cautiously reporting that I feel okay today. Not terrific, but do-able.
I guess that is a good start. :)
brelin
Before I left the hospital, he upped my NG tube drip to 40 mL/hour, which is a couple of Tablespoons per hour. So I just have to eat that slowly and carefully for the next week or two until things get under control and my body thinks "digest" rather than "puke".
He's put me on some drugs that make me a little dopey, but just in the morning, so I can live with that.
I'm cautiously reporting that I feel okay today. Not terrific, but do-able.
I guess that is a good start. :)
brelin
Thursday, June 10, 2010
hey there race fans!
I'm actually writing with pleasant news today!! While Dr. Schneier was optimistic abour the NG tube feed, I was less than excited about it. However, it seems to actually be working! They doubled the amount of "food' they were giving me, so it's like I'm digesting 40 mL per hour. That's a few bites every hour! I haven't actually tried with food, and I'm anxious to get out of the hospital. I agreed to stay until Friday, at the doctor's urging. Side note: apparantly the NG is not supposed to be uncomfortable. Perhaps I'm a big whimp, but this thing hurts really badly. Not to mention, that I vaguely resemble an elephant, with a large trunk and a little body.
Last night after the doctor knocked me out with some amazing medicine, I slept well; until the nurses start grabbing stuff from all around me and say, "you have to move." It is 1:30 am. Really? They couldn't have figured this all out during the normal waking hours? Hmph. It was rough getting back to sleep, but I was able to sleep in a bit.
Well, tomorrow's the day of freedom!! Sorry, Maya, that we had to miss your party! Maybe we can see you really soon to give you your presence!
Lots of love, and pray for sleep and healing--
brelin
Last night after the doctor knocked me out with some amazing medicine, I slept well; until the nurses start grabbing stuff from all around me and say, "you have to move." It is 1:30 am. Really? They couldn't have figured this all out during the normal waking hours? Hmph. It was rough getting back to sleep, but I was able to sleep in a bit.
Well, tomorrow's the day of freedom!! Sorry, Maya, that we had to miss your party! Maybe we can see you really soon to give you your presence!
Lots of love, and pray for sleep and healing--
brelin
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
wednesday and the epigastric tube
This morning, Dr. Schneier was less than impressed by my progress. Meaning: he has decided to completely remove me from everything by mouth, and slowly drip antiseptic and 1 T. of nutritonal drink each hour through an epigastric tube. For those of you not schooled on medical lingo, and epigastric tube is a small tube that runs up your nose, down the back of your throat, and into your stomach. For those of you who have experienced this, it is one of the most painful procedures that you can have. The doc is hoping this will retrain my stomach, as there will constantly be food in it that it will have to get used to. Perhaps by overwhelming the stomach, the food will just vote to go down and digest instead.
I'm really having a hard time battling the mental aspect of pain and nausea today. Please pray that my body does not reject the tube feeding, and that I might be healed completely with this procedure. Also, please pray that my spirits will be lifted, and that I will feel God's peace and comfort today especially.
I'm really having a hard time battling the mental aspect of pain and nausea today. Please pray that my body does not reject the tube feeding, and that I might be healed completely with this procedure. Also, please pray that my spirits will be lifted, and that I will feel God's peace and comfort today especially.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Addendum
Since my super-optimistic entry from this morning, I have been completely unable to keep anything down...liquids, jello, and my meds included.
My pain levels are atrocious, and vomiting is again out of control. My nurse paged the doctor this afternoon to see if I could switch back to some of my nausea/pain meds by IV. He said "no", since I wanted to get out of here soon.
Ugh. I'm a little frustrated with myself for being so ambitious. Don't worry, Marcus has scolded me properly for jumping the gun. (*just for the record, he thinks "counseled" is a better word than "scolded".)
My pain levels are atrocious, and vomiting is again out of control. My nurse paged the doctor this afternoon to see if I could switch back to some of my nausea/pain meds by IV. He said "no", since I wanted to get out of here soon.
Ugh. I'm a little frustrated with myself for being so ambitious. Don't worry, Marcus has scolded me properly for jumping the gun. (*just for the record, he thinks "counseled" is a better word than "scolded".)
the update,
Well, lots of things have happened over the past 24 hours, and things seem to finally be heading in the right direction...
Yesterday morning, Dr. Schneier (my GI doc) changed up my whole regimen of medication, and started me on 6 new drugs. One steroid to increase my cortizone. One med to protect the lining of my stomach and intestines. Nitroglycerine patch to relax my intestines, and help with the pain. A low level anti-depressant at bedtime to help me sleep, make me hungry, and relax the spasming. This was all in addition to a bunch of other anti-nausea meds, and a pain pump.
I continued vomiting all day and night, and then went to bed. I made it through the entire night without throwing up!! He removed my pain medicine pump last night, and I tolerated that ok.
This morning I had a couple of bites of cereal and threw it up, BUT have only puked once this whole day, and it's already 12:30!! Yay!! I am feeling a little cranky today, and am sort of anxious to go home, so I'm thinking this is all a good sign. Up until today, I've been content languishing in the hospital bed. This morning, I cleaned up my room, re-organized my stuff in he room, and had some fun visitors.
Dr. Schneier just came in, and I asked about being able to go home. He's going to switch me to all oral medications and see how I do. He's lowering my TPN to just 1 L per day, in hopes that will increase my appetite. He's also increasing the dose of nortripylene at bedtime, so hopefully I will sleep a bit better. He increased my dose of marinol (an anti-nausea drug like marijuana) too. If I tolerate all of this well, and seem to be stable--he said I might get to go home tomorrow!
I think that is all. Phew! I'm tired after reporting all that. :) Thank you for all of your prayers and support... they seem to working!
Many hugs and love from Stevens Hospital-
brelin
Yesterday morning, Dr. Schneier (my GI doc) changed up my whole regimen of medication, and started me on 6 new drugs. One steroid to increase my cortizone. One med to protect the lining of my stomach and intestines. Nitroglycerine patch to relax my intestines, and help with the pain. A low level anti-depressant at bedtime to help me sleep, make me hungry, and relax the spasming. This was all in addition to a bunch of other anti-nausea meds, and a pain pump.
I continued vomiting all day and night, and then went to bed. I made it through the entire night without throwing up!! He removed my pain medicine pump last night, and I tolerated that ok.
This morning I had a couple of bites of cereal and threw it up, BUT have only puked once this whole day, and it's already 12:30!! Yay!! I am feeling a little cranky today, and am sort of anxious to go home, so I'm thinking this is all a good sign. Up until today, I've been content languishing in the hospital bed. This morning, I cleaned up my room, re-organized my stuff in he room, and had some fun visitors.
Dr. Schneier just came in, and I asked about being able to go home. He's going to switch me to all oral medications and see how I do. He's lowering my TPN to just 1 L per day, in hopes that will increase my appetite. He's also increasing the dose of nortripylene at bedtime, so hopefully I will sleep a bit better. He increased my dose of marinol (an anti-nausea drug like marijuana) too. If I tolerate all of this well, and seem to be stable--he said I might get to go home tomorrow!
I think that is all. Phew! I'm tired after reporting all that. :) Thank you for all of your prayers and support... they seem to working!
Many hugs and love from Stevens Hospital-
brelin
Sunday, June 6, 2010
nothing really new
My cortisol level tests showed that my baseline levels are low, most likely because my body is basically starving. However, when asked to perform, my adrenal glands step up to the plate, and act as they are supposed to. This is good news, because it rules out the possibilty of Addison's disease.
I continue to vomit very frequently. I am on multiple anti-nausea meds, which don't seem to help. When I ingest nothing at all, I vomit straight stomach acid. It is painful, and causing my throat to hurt pretty bad. Today I got a small bloody nose while puking, which was a new adventure. But that hasn't repeated since this morning fortunately.
My pain levels are under control for the most part, and I sort of feel like a walking zombie... I'm pretty loopy, but it's better than hurting.
I continue to be on TPN, and they are pretty aggressively re-feeding me. My liver is playing nice right now, so they are able to put in a lot more calories than they have in the past. My docs have managed to keep me on enough meds to protect my liver during the re-feeding so that's good.
I got some cute new pajama pants from my mom, which always cheers me up. :) I've had a fairly steady stream of visitors which helps to keep my spirits up.
Marcus is doing fine. He ran in a half marathon yesterday in Portland, and is feeling fine. He's at work today, and then will be hanging out with me tomorrow.
I'm not sure when I might be released from the hospital... I don't even have a good guess. I continue to trust that God has a plan and purpose for all of this. I'm praying that healing happens soon... I'm exhausted.
I continue to vomit very frequently. I am on multiple anti-nausea meds, which don't seem to help. When I ingest nothing at all, I vomit straight stomach acid. It is painful, and causing my throat to hurt pretty bad. Today I got a small bloody nose while puking, which was a new adventure. But that hasn't repeated since this morning fortunately.
My pain levels are under control for the most part, and I sort of feel like a walking zombie... I'm pretty loopy, but it's better than hurting.
I continue to be on TPN, and they are pretty aggressively re-feeding me. My liver is playing nice right now, so they are able to put in a lot more calories than they have in the past. My docs have managed to keep me on enough meds to protect my liver during the re-feeding so that's good.
I got some cute new pajama pants from my mom, which always cheers me up. :) I've had a fairly steady stream of visitors which helps to keep my spirits up.
Marcus is doing fine. He ran in a half marathon yesterday in Portland, and is feeling fine. He's at work today, and then will be hanging out with me tomorrow.
I'm not sure when I might be released from the hospital... I don't even have a good guess. I continue to trust that God has a plan and purpose for all of this. I'm praying that healing happens soon... I'm exhausted.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
more weird symptoms and still vomiting...
I hoped that the vomiting would at least be under control while I was in the hospital. I'm not really sure why I thought that would be a possibility, but I was fairly optimistic. Alas, my vomiting has continued, and perhaps even gotten worse since I've been here. I continue to puke just stomach acid when there is nothing in my tummy.
My labs came back with a new weird symptom: low cortisol levels. They are doing another test now to see if there is something wrong with my adrenal glands. I should know the results tomorrow.
I've also developed a bizarre tongue/mouth thing called glossitis. Apparantly it is from malnutrition.
I'm still on TPN (which is total nutrition), and they have re-hung my lipids bag once a day. I'm also on sugar water to get more calories in each day.
I'm pretty tired today, but holding up alright. I'm looking forward to being in my bed sometime in the next few days.
Thanks for all of your prayers.
brelin
My labs came back with a new weird symptom: low cortisol levels. They are doing another test now to see if there is something wrong with my adrenal glands. I should know the results tomorrow.
I've also developed a bizarre tongue/mouth thing called glossitis. Apparantly it is from malnutrition.
I'm still on TPN (which is total nutrition), and they have re-hung my lipids bag once a day. I'm also on sugar water to get more calories in each day.
I'm pretty tired today, but holding up alright. I'm looking forward to being in my bed sometime in the next few days.
Thanks for all of your prayers.
brelin
Friday, June 4, 2010
the update
The doctor came by this afternoon, and told me what's going on. He injected my stomach and intestines with botox while performing an endoscopy on Thursday.
He changed around my medications, lowering them a bit, because I was just too groggy. My liver enzymes were initially terrible, but it seems like they've gotten those under control for today. He took away my lipids package, thinking that might have been the problem.
My blood sugar has been running low (like 61 and 69) which is weird because normally on TPN your blood sugar goes up.
I've been enjoying lots of visitors, and it helps speed the time up... The doctor told me to be up and walking more, so I've been pacing the floors with my industrial size IV cart.
I'll let you know more tomorrow.
He changed around my medications, lowering them a bit, because I was just too groggy. My liver enzymes were initially terrible, but it seems like they've gotten those under control for today. He took away my lipids package, thinking that might have been the problem.
My blood sugar has been running low (like 61 and 69) which is weird because normally on TPN your blood sugar goes up.
I've been enjoying lots of visitors, and it helps speed the time up... The doctor told me to be up and walking more, so I've been pacing the floors with my industrial size IV cart.
I'll let you know more tomorrow.
i'm still here :)
First of all, thank you to everyone who has taken time to see me! It really helps keep the days from dragging on.
Secondly, there isn't much to report. I'm still feeling crappy, and still vomiting all the time. I'll try to post later today when we know something more.
Love you all.
brein
Secondly, there isn't much to report. I'm still feeling crappy, and still vomiting all the time. I'll try to post later today when we know something more.
Love you all.
brein
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I'm still alive.
They started TPN last night, and my liver enzymes are already elevated. Please pray for the wisdom to heal this appropriately.
The plan for tomorrow is to have an upper GI endoscopy, complete.They also plan to put a shot of something into my stomach and/or intestines with antiseptic.
I have recently been moved up to the "big girl" iv tower, since they didn't all fit on the normal one anymore.
I'm still puking and dry heaving now, but feeling much calm about it all. They gave me marinol too :)
Hugs,
brelin
The plan for tomorrow is to have an upper GI endoscopy, complete.They also plan to put a shot of something into my stomach and/or intestines with antiseptic.
I have recently been moved up to the "big girl" iv tower, since they didn't all fit on the normal one anymore.
I'm still puking and dry heaving now, but feeling much calm about it all. They gave me marinol too :)
Hugs,
brelin
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
private room. :)
So, I'm in the hospital, and down to a record low weight for myself. Getting things going upon my arrival was sort of a disaster, and I ended up waiting (rather impatiently) for pain and nausea medications for about 4 hours. I'm still vomiting with no real end in sight, which is fairly frustrating.
They have started a picc line in my arm, and gave me a bag of fluids. Now, I am slowly receiving sugar in my IV and will start on TPN at 9 pm tonight. The pain meds and nausea meds are coming through, but I'm not feeling tremendous relief yet... They just gave me some muscle relaxants and more nausea meds, so hopefully those will be kicking in soon.
Thanks for all of your warm wishes and thoughtful prayers. Please pray that I rest well and that my pain will be under control soon.
blessings,
brelin
They have started a picc line in my arm, and gave me a bag of fluids. Now, I am slowly receiving sugar in my IV and will start on TPN at 9 pm tonight. The pain meds and nausea meds are coming through, but I'm not feeling tremendous relief yet... They just gave me some muscle relaxants and more nausea meds, so hopefully those will be kicking in soon.
Thanks for all of your warm wishes and thoughtful prayers. Please pray that I rest well and that my pain will be under control soon.
blessings,
brelin
Thursday, May 27, 2010
the doctor. key scary, dramatic music...
For those of you who know me well, I don't really call the doctor. I figure they've pretty much exhausted their treatment options, so I just don't call them to bother them every day to let them know that I'm still vomiting. However, when my pain is ridiculously out of control, when I'm not keeping fluids down well, or when I find myself having trouble walking to bed because it hurts so bad: I realize it's time to bother the physician.
So, I called the doctor on Monday, and they squeezed me in on Tuesday. Again, I don't often call--so when I do call, the nice nurse takes a message about what's going on--and then they immediately call me back and fit me in.
On Tuesday at the doctor's office, I repeated my story to him about what was going on with me health-wise, and he told me that he'd like to admit me to the hospital for "tinkering". He said that I could wait until after the long weekend if I wanted, since I probably already have plans. I was happy to wait until next week to roll into Stevens Hospital, so that I could have fun this weekend. :) While I'm in the hospital, they plan to insert another picc line, and feed me TPN through my arm. This will allow me to get good nutrition. (YAY!) Please pray specifically that I tolerate this well, and that it does not cause my liver enzymes to elevate.
Additionally, they are putting my bowels to rest. He's planning to dope me up with muscle relaxants and pain meds, so that hopefully my pain will stop and the spasming will cease. He'll also do something to my stomach so that hopefully I won't vomit just straight stomach acid like I have been lately. I suspect I'll be in there for about a week.
To hold me over until the hospital admission, he filled with me 2 liters of fluids and IV nausea meds. Aaahhhhhh. This always helps me feel like a whole new woman. :)
I'll be sure to try and update this more regularly to keep you up to date on what's going on. I'm headed to the Tri-Cities for my cousin's wedding this weekend, my nephew's birthday party on Monday, and then I'll probably be admitted to the hospital on Tuesday morning.
Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes. I'll let you know how things are going once I'm in. :)
"he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistance... pray in this way too." -paraphrase of luke 11. This is the verse that I'm holding onto right now. I KNOW that God is hearing all of our prayers, and I'm waiting for my miraculous healing. It's probably going to be any minute. :)
Hugs and love to all!
brelin
So, I called the doctor on Monday, and they squeezed me in on Tuesday. Again, I don't often call--so when I do call, the nice nurse takes a message about what's going on--and then they immediately call me back and fit me in.
On Tuesday at the doctor's office, I repeated my story to him about what was going on with me health-wise, and he told me that he'd like to admit me to the hospital for "tinkering". He said that I could wait until after the long weekend if I wanted, since I probably already have plans. I was happy to wait until next week to roll into Stevens Hospital, so that I could have fun this weekend. :) While I'm in the hospital, they plan to insert another picc line, and feed me TPN through my arm. This will allow me to get good nutrition. (YAY!) Please pray specifically that I tolerate this well, and that it does not cause my liver enzymes to elevate.
Additionally, they are putting my bowels to rest. He's planning to dope me up with muscle relaxants and pain meds, so that hopefully my pain will stop and the spasming will cease. He'll also do something to my stomach so that hopefully I won't vomit just straight stomach acid like I have been lately. I suspect I'll be in there for about a week.
To hold me over until the hospital admission, he filled with me 2 liters of fluids and IV nausea meds. Aaahhhhhh. This always helps me feel like a whole new woman. :)
I'll be sure to try and update this more regularly to keep you up to date on what's going on. I'm headed to the Tri-Cities for my cousin's wedding this weekend, my nephew's birthday party on Monday, and then I'll probably be admitted to the hospital on Tuesday morning.
Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes. I'll let you know how things are going once I'm in. :)
"he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistance... pray in this way too." -paraphrase of luke 11. This is the verse that I'm holding onto right now. I KNOW that God is hearing all of our prayers, and I'm waiting for my miraculous healing. It's probably going to be any minute. :)
Hugs and love to all!
brelin
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
seeded grapes
I've done this twice now in the past few months. I go to Costco, and wander through the fruit section, hoping to be inspired. I discover a diamond in the rough (or so I think) when I stumble upon beautifully large perfect-looking red grapes. I get them home, wash them, and am so eager to eat them that I totally do not read the label--until it's too late. I'm chewing, I'm chewing, and crunch. There should be nothing crunchy about my fabulous grape experience... and yet? "Seeded grapes." The package says. Hmph. Why do they even sell them that way anymore? They should actually label them "high-maintenance grapes". Fortunately, I do not have a job--thus plenty of time to remove the seeds from each grape in the four pound container that I just purchased to save money.
While I'm ranting on ridiculous things, can we please discuss the term "sunbreaks." This is a purely Seattle phenomenon, which I do not appreciate at all. Why don't they just tell you that it's going to rain on and off all day long? Honestly.
My pain is pretty bad today, but nothing I can't live through... I trust that God is hearing the loud cries of my heart tonight, as I beg for healing again and again. Shoot, if He can give Brett Michaels from Poison a second chance at life, He can totally heal me. :)
While I'm ranting on ridiculous things, can we please discuss the term "sunbreaks." This is a purely Seattle phenomenon, which I do not appreciate at all. Why don't they just tell you that it's going to rain on and off all day long? Honestly.
My pain is pretty bad today, but nothing I can't live through... I trust that God is hearing the loud cries of my heart tonight, as I beg for healing again and again. Shoot, if He can give Brett Michaels from Poison a second chance at life, He can totally heal me. :)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
no more patience...please?
Lately, I've been praying for patience. I feel like I've needed extra patience with friends, family, and especially patience while I'm waiting. Waiting for my health to be restored...waiting to start a family with children...waiting for the housing market to improve so we can sell our condo...waiting for summer and sunshine to play in....waiting to feel better...waiting for so many things.
I've decided, however, that I'm tired of asking God for patience. If I quit praying for patience does that mean that I won't have to be patient in those situations anymore?! It seems sort of reasonable, right? I'll let you know how that goes. :)
Last weekend, I got to spend some quality time with my really good girl friends from WSU. There is nothing more amazing then reuniting giggly girls, and just celebrating life now (and then too.) Needless to say, it was a blast. I'm so thankful for you all, and hope we can make another hot date happen soon!! :)
This past week Marcus and I joined a new gym that they recently built in Issaquah. Marcus has been itching to get out of the YMCA for a while just because it's small and the pool is too hot, so this transition made sense for us. While I have been working out for a long time and know my way around the gym, I find this place incredibly intimidating. It is like the "land of beautiful people with big muscles." Everyone is checking every one else out; there are muscles exploding out of the tiny shreds of clothing people are wearing, and everyone seems to have their hair perfectly coiffed while they're running 10 miles without breaking a sweat. It is the epitome of the "plateau" experience. I sort of feel like I have to put makeup on to go to work out. Oh, and buy new workout clothes. I'm not sure if I can handle this. I have until Friday to make my decision...I'll be sure to keep you posted.
Beyond that, not much is new. I'm still puking my brains out. I eat, then vomit. I drink, then vomit. I do neither, and vomit anyway. It's quite annoying, and takes lots of energy. I feel like sometimes people think I don't do anything all day. Sometimes I feel like I don't do anything all day too. But I really do something every day, even when I don't leave the house. It just entails emptying a metal puke bowl about 10 times a day. Ugh.
Normally, when I close, I would ask that you pray for patience. This week, though, I ask that you pray we don't have to be patient anymore. About anything.
Thanks!
brelin
I've decided, however, that I'm tired of asking God for patience. If I quit praying for patience does that mean that I won't have to be patient in those situations anymore?! It seems sort of reasonable, right? I'll let you know how that goes. :)
Last weekend, I got to spend some quality time with my really good girl friends from WSU. There is nothing more amazing then reuniting giggly girls, and just celebrating life now (and then too.) Needless to say, it was a blast. I'm so thankful for you all, and hope we can make another hot date happen soon!! :)
This past week Marcus and I joined a new gym that they recently built in Issaquah. Marcus has been itching to get out of the YMCA for a while just because it's small and the pool is too hot, so this transition made sense for us. While I have been working out for a long time and know my way around the gym, I find this place incredibly intimidating. It is like the "land of beautiful people with big muscles." Everyone is checking every one else out; there are muscles exploding out of the tiny shreds of clothing people are wearing, and everyone seems to have their hair perfectly coiffed while they're running 10 miles without breaking a sweat. It is the epitome of the "plateau" experience. I sort of feel like I have to put makeup on to go to work out. Oh, and buy new workout clothes. I'm not sure if I can handle this. I have until Friday to make my decision...I'll be sure to keep you posted.
Beyond that, not much is new. I'm still puking my brains out. I eat, then vomit. I drink, then vomit. I do neither, and vomit anyway. It's quite annoying, and takes lots of energy. I feel like sometimes people think I don't do anything all day. Sometimes I feel like I don't do anything all day too. But I really do something every day, even when I don't leave the house. It just entails emptying a metal puke bowl about 10 times a day. Ugh.
Normally, when I close, I would ask that you pray for patience. This week, though, I ask that you pray we don't have to be patient anymore. About anything.
Thanks!
brelin
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
mentally--awesome. physically-meh.
I've been enjoying lots of fun times with friends lately. I've been making it a point to get out of the house to see people each day, and trying to branch out into new fields of self-discovery. The pictures above are from the tulip festival this year, which I went to with my friend, Alicia. It was beautiful.
This past weekend, I ran a 5 K with Marcus!! That is 3.1 miles. I was able to run the whole way, and didn't even puke until the bushes at the end of the race. It was tons of fun, and it was the "Top Pot Doughnut Dash", so they served donuts at the finish line. Epic.
Over the past month or so, I've been really struggling with depression. I've been frustrated about my health, discouraged by the lack of progress that I've been making, and that ultimately I have no control over how I feel physically. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, and getting annoyed that I'm still vomiting, I've been trying hard to work on finding joy in each day. Lots of people have been praying for me, and I'm really feeling much more optimistic about life as it's going now. I'm doing my best to laugh more, read more uplifting books, and tackle new activities with a spirit of tenacity.
Here are the things that I'm excited about this spring/summer:
1. Ballet. I signed up for a beginning adult ballet class. For those of you that remember when I was 5, I had a brief stint with ballet then. I attended class as a childhood chub, and every time I curtsied, I would tip over. It was hilarious, and makes a great story now. Anyway, that led to my soccer career... which clearly worked out better through high school and college. :)
2. Tennis. I'm taking some tennis lessons. I've been learning with Marcus, and my brother-in-law, Jon, but I thought I'd get some more instruction as well. Hopefully, I'll enjoy it more when I can hit it a little bit better.
3. Volunteering more. I'm looking into "wish granting" for the Make A Wish Foundation, which is a lot of behind-the-scenes emailing, calling, and coordinating. All of these things can be done from my house, with my puke bowl next to the computer screen. Perfect. I'm also checking into volunteering at the Children's Hospital once a week or so. I'm a little nervous about making a weekly commitment to something, but I think it'll be a good experience.
4. Dog? Despite my fiercest efforts, I have not yet convinced Marcus of our need for a dog. He believes that we have a need for a house with a backyard, and then a dog. I think we should just go for it. The only thing that's holding us back is that we just put in new carpeting. Ugh. Not necessarily a good idea when trying to potty train a pooch. I'll keep you posted on this one.
5. Golf!! I've decided to embrace this new sport...despite my best attempts to avoid it in years past. I think this is something I can do, and learn to enjoy together with Marcus. I'll keep you posted on this new hobby...now all I need is some more Seattle sun!! :)
6. Sewing. I made my first baby quilt for a good friend. Here's how it turned out:
7. GOD. I'm going to do my best to be patient with His timing, especially when it's not really coinciding with mine. :) He knows what He's doing, clearly, so I need to just trust that all things will happen in due time. I'm still planning to contribute my 2 cents in my prayer life, but ultimately I'll try to submit fully to His perfect plan and His perfect timing. Phew.
hugs, brelin
hugs, brelin
Sunday, April 11, 2010
one month later
I feel like a sinner for not writing more often... I'm so sorry that it's been almost a month since my last entry. I'm not busy dying or anything, although I have been to the ER a couple of times.
Here are the quick highlights from the past month:
1. Marcus and I just got back from a road trip to Palm Desert, CA. We stayed at a cheap hotel, using our friend's discount, while our friends stayed at a swanky resort in the town of La Quinta. We hung out with them the whole time, and enjoyed the use of the fancy facilities at their resort. It was genious. While we were there, I soaked up the sun, Marcus played golf, we had to view a LOT of birds (Marcus being a bird nerd), we picked gigantic lemons and grapefruits from the trees, and we went to Joshua Tree National Park. It was really fun. :) The funniest part of the trip, however, was on the way home. We started the day in Palm Desert in our shorts and flip flops, since it was 80 in the morning. We drove to LA to visit a friend, and then headed out on the trek home. Our GPS told us it may be faster to drive through Reno, NV, since we were headed to the Tri-Cities for Easter. We foolishly obeyed. In the midst of the SNOWSTORM between Sacramento and Reno, Marcus and I were still wearing our shorts and flip flops while people were frantically pulling their cars to the shoulder to put chains on their vehicles. It was ridiculous, but pretty awesome. We made it safely to Reno in our shorts, just much later than we'd hoped. :)
2. We had a great time in the Tri-Cities at Easter. We got to see the whole family, and it was fun.
3. I continue to vomit. It seems like my intestines have slowed down, and my pain is worse lately. I took a trip to the ER the other day because my feet were turning purple and I was really dizzy. The fixed me up with some fluids, some pain meds, and anti-emetics and I felt much better. That was the night before we left for Cali, and I really had to rally to make myself go. I'm glad that we went!! :)
I think that is pretty much all.
brelin
Here are the quick highlights from the past month:
1. Marcus and I just got back from a road trip to Palm Desert, CA. We stayed at a cheap hotel, using our friend's discount, while our friends stayed at a swanky resort in the town of La Quinta. We hung out with them the whole time, and enjoyed the use of the fancy facilities at their resort. It was genious. While we were there, I soaked up the sun, Marcus played golf, we had to view a LOT of birds (Marcus being a bird nerd), we picked gigantic lemons and grapefruits from the trees, and we went to Joshua Tree National Park. It was really fun. :) The funniest part of the trip, however, was on the way home. We started the day in Palm Desert in our shorts and flip flops, since it was 80 in the morning. We drove to LA to visit a friend, and then headed out on the trek home. Our GPS told us it may be faster to drive through Reno, NV, since we were headed to the Tri-Cities for Easter. We foolishly obeyed. In the midst of the SNOWSTORM between Sacramento and Reno, Marcus and I were still wearing our shorts and flip flops while people were frantically pulling their cars to the shoulder to put chains on their vehicles. It was ridiculous, but pretty awesome. We made it safely to Reno in our shorts, just much later than we'd hoped. :)
2. We had a great time in the Tri-Cities at Easter. We got to see the whole family, and it was fun.
3. I continue to vomit. It seems like my intestines have slowed down, and my pain is worse lately. I took a trip to the ER the other day because my feet were turning purple and I was really dizzy. The fixed me up with some fluids, some pain meds, and anti-emetics and I felt much better. That was the night before we left for Cali, and I really had to rally to make myself go. I'm glad that we went!! :)
I think that is pretty much all.
brelin
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
my hero.
I have so many exciting things to report on that I barely know where to begin. I think I'll start with this morning and work backward.
4. Exploring DC with Sarah & Marcus. We all feel a little more American after seeing all the sights in DC. My favorite part was taking a tour of the Capitol with Patty Murray's assistant. We learned a lot of phenomenally interesting 'America' facts. I feel like I may have upped my Trivial Pursuit game a little just by visiting. That may just be wishful thinking though.
5. Getting to see Sarah's favorite places in Baltimore. I got to meet her friends (who are super fun), 
This morning Marcus and 4 other firefighters were honored at a Red Cross Heroes Breakfast. He received this award for helping pull a man from a burning building in June of last year. The breakfast was really well done, and it was a great honor for those guys.
Marcus and I got back from the East Coast on Tuesday evening. We went to Baltimore, DC, and New York. We had amazing adventures there, and best of all, we got to hang out with my sister, Sarah!! There were so many awesome memories made, but the highlights include:
1. Marcus getting down on one knee and giving me a new, phenomenally beautiful ring while we were ice skating at Rockefeller Center. It was picture-perfect, and people even cheered for us. We celebrated our 5th anniversary while we were there!! :)
2. Seeing the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was big and impressive. Did you know that the face alone is 8 feet tall?
3. Getting to see Wicked on Broadway. It was really well done, and perhaps the best show I've ever seen. After that, Marcus and I went to a delicious little Italian restaurant and had a romantic dinner. The whole evening was awesome--except for when I fell out of my shoe, and faceplanted.... imagine Cinderella only much less graceful... ouch.
4. Exploring DC with Sarah & Marcus. We all feel a little more American after seeing all the sights in DC. My favorite part was taking a tour of the Capitol with Patty Murray's assistant. We learned a lot of phenomenally interesting 'America' facts. I feel like I may have upped my Trivial Pursuit game a little just by visiting. That may just be wishful thinking though.
5. Getting to see Sarah's favorite places in Baltimore. I got to meet her friends (who are super fun), 
and see the places that Sarah frequents, including a really cool church that has a terrific gospel choir. We also went out to eat at amazing restaurants all over Baltimore. It was so much fun to spend time with her, and I'm so proud of her cute life there. She was a tremendously hospitable host, and the whole time was terrific!
While we were there, our friends had their baby boy. Congrats to the Finley's on the birth of Ty. :) We can't wait to meet him!
Before that, I had an impromptu birthday bash to celebrate my birthday. It was fun to see everyone, and I felt well-celebrated.
Health-wise, I remain about the same. I'm still vomiting daily, and not feeling much relief from anything. My bloodwork remains good, so I'm pleased about that. The trip was pretty good for me, health-wise, so I'm super relieved about that.
Phew. I think that's all. Hugs, love, and thanks for all the prayers!!
brelin
Thursday, February 18, 2010
snow and exhaustion
On Monday night, Marcus and I returned from a really fun adventure to Holden Village. Holden is a retreat center in the middle of nowhere, kind of by Chelan. It was beautiful, and we really enjoyed ourselves. Marcus' parents invited us along, and we had a great time with them too. It being a really remote location, Marcus and I had been praying fervently that nothing would happen to me medically while we were away. Thankfully, God answered those prayers.
However, immediately upon our return.... (literally we were pulling into the driveway), I jumped out to run to the bathroom and throw up. This is pretty standard for me, so I wasn't too worried about it. This is when something went very wrong... Mid-vomit, I gasped for air, and somehow inhaled a chunk of something, which promptly made me start choking. So, I was still vomiting, and now choking. (NOT awesome.) I ran outside to get Marcus' attention so that I didn't die alone on the bathroom floor, and he asked, "Are you ok?" I shook my head "no." He asked, "Are you choking?" I nodded, "yes." He helped me into the kitchen, where I continued coughing and retching on the floor. Eventually, small amounts of blood starting coming up, because these actions were so violent... Marcus said to me, "I'm taking you to the ER." I gasped, "I don't want to go." He replied, "I don't care. I'm calling 9-1-1 if you can't make it to the car." He carried me out, and drove quickly to the ER. I arrived, still vomiting and gagging, choking, and gasping for air. They got me in promptly--I'd say it was my most dramatic entrance into the ER yet. :)
I'm still sputtering and vomiting, and they're trying to start my IV. Normally, no one can get an IV started, but this guy in the ER was a miracle worker. He got it on the second try, despite all my violent movements. They pushed vicodin and heavy anti-nausea drugs immediately, hoping to relax my system. Eventually, my coughing slowed down (this is about 30 minutes later.) My chest xray looked okay, and my lungs sounded pretty clear, so they think I must've coughed up whatever it was. The docs put me on antibiotics just in case, so that I don't develop pneumonia. ugh.
However, immediately upon our return.... (literally we were pulling into the driveway), I jumped out to run to the bathroom and throw up. This is pretty standard for me, so I wasn't too worried about it. This is when something went very wrong... Mid-vomit, I gasped for air, and somehow inhaled a chunk of something, which promptly made me start choking. So, I was still vomiting, and now choking. (NOT awesome.) I ran outside to get Marcus' attention so that I didn't die alone on the bathroom floor, and he asked, "Are you ok?" I shook my head "no." He asked, "Are you choking?" I nodded, "yes." He helped me into the kitchen, where I continued coughing and retching on the floor. Eventually, small amounts of blood starting coming up, because these actions were so violent... Marcus said to me, "I'm taking you to the ER." I gasped, "I don't want to go." He replied, "I don't care. I'm calling 9-1-1 if you can't make it to the car." He carried me out, and drove quickly to the ER. I arrived, still vomiting and gagging, choking, and gasping for air. They got me in promptly--I'd say it was my most dramatic entrance into the ER yet. :)
I'm still sputtering and vomiting, and they're trying to start my IV. Normally, no one can get an IV started, but this guy in the ER was a miracle worker. He got it on the second try, despite all my violent movements. They pushed vicodin and heavy anti-nausea drugs immediately, hoping to relax my system. Eventually, my coughing slowed down (this is about 30 minutes later.) My chest xray looked okay, and my lungs sounded pretty clear, so they think I must've coughed up whatever it was. The docs put me on antibiotics just in case, so that I don't develop pneumonia. ugh.
I've been feeling a bit better the last couple of days. I'm still really tired from the trip, and from my ER adventure, but I'm LOVING the sunshine that God's blessed us with the past couple of days. I'm hoping that this week will prove restful and fun!
Marcus and I are doing our best to trust that God's timing is perfect in all things.... And we're praying that healing is just around the corner. :)
Hugs, brelin
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
what i've been up to.
I feel like I've been really busy lately. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I'm awfully tired from doing it. :)
Marcus and I started the month of February snowshoeing. I got snowshoes for Christmas and was excited to try them out. Marcus, naturally, led us across a creek in snowshoes, where I had to bound from rock to rock in order to avoid falling in the water. This might seem like no big deal to YOU, but I have really poor balance, and get dizzy easily--so navigating the stream in snowshoes was quite a feat. I made it through our adventure alive, and didn't fall into any bodies of water, so I consider the trip a success. We had lots of fun, and I fell down a few times laughing hysterically in the snow. It was awesome.
I've also been baking a lot lately. Cupcakes, cookies, breadstickes, cinnamon chip scones... and they're all delicious. Oh, and I also made really yummy minestrone soup. This recipe redeemed me in Marcus' eyes, as the night before I had made Spinach and Artichoke Mac and Cheese. It wasn't awful, but wasn't good either. I know this because Marcus did not have seconds. The Minestrone soup, however, was a winner. He's had seconds, and even ate the leftovers yesterday. phew. :)
I went to watch some Eastlake HS girls do gymnastics this past weekend. It was awesome, and I'm pretty amazed at flipping. I mean, it's one thing to see kids on tv busting a move on the floor and the vault, but a whole other thing to see it live. I'm completely in awe of their talent, and am certain that I would never run as fast as I can to hurl my body at a vault. I'm fairly certain it would end very poorly.
I'm about to embark on my first solo sewing project. I hope it turns out well. If it does, I promise to post pictures. If it goes poorly, it might find a place in the trash with the mac and cheese. :)
As for a health update, there is not much new to report. I'm still vomiting, but I seem to be keeping fluids down, and some food is staying in occassionally too. I think I've been eating a lot more lately, in hopes of keeping more down. I'm not sure if this new approach is working, and Im about to give up from being so tired from puking all day long. I think soon I'll return to just drinking tea all day. :)
Hugs,
brelin
Marcus and I started the month of February snowshoeing. I got snowshoes for Christmas and was excited to try them out. Marcus, naturally, led us across a creek in snowshoes, where I had to bound from rock to rock in order to avoid falling in the water. This might seem like no big deal to YOU, but I have really poor balance, and get dizzy easily--so navigating the stream in snowshoes was quite a feat. I made it through our adventure alive, and didn't fall into any bodies of water, so I consider the trip a success. We had lots of fun, and I fell down a few times laughing hysterically in the snow. It was awesome.
I've also been baking a lot lately. Cupcakes, cookies, breadstickes, cinnamon chip scones... and they're all delicious. Oh, and I also made really yummy minestrone soup. This recipe redeemed me in Marcus' eyes, as the night before I had made Spinach and Artichoke Mac and Cheese. It wasn't awful, but wasn't good either. I know this because Marcus did not have seconds. The Minestrone soup, however, was a winner. He's had seconds, and even ate the leftovers yesterday. phew. :)
I went to watch some Eastlake HS girls do gymnastics this past weekend. It was awesome, and I'm pretty amazed at flipping. I mean, it's one thing to see kids on tv busting a move on the floor and the vault, but a whole other thing to see it live. I'm completely in awe of their talent, and am certain that I would never run as fast as I can to hurl my body at a vault. I'm fairly certain it would end very poorly.
I'm about to embark on my first solo sewing project. I hope it turns out well. If it does, I promise to post pictures. If it goes poorly, it might find a place in the trash with the mac and cheese. :)
As for a health update, there is not much new to report. I'm still vomiting, but I seem to be keeping fluids down, and some food is staying in occassionally too. I think I've been eating a lot more lately, in hopes of keeping more down. I'm not sure if this new approach is working, and Im about to give up from being so tired from puking all day long. I think soon I'll return to just drinking tea all day. :)
Hugs,
brelin
Sunday, January 31, 2010
it is finished.
I mean, our condo is finished...we still have a tiny bit of touch-up painting to do, which I should hopefully be able to get done today. Everything else is done. Our windows are framed, our new carpet is in, the painting is finished, and all the door molding, and floor molding has been changed out. And, I think it looks awesome. Sorry the pictures are a little dark, but it's the best I could do working in Seattle in the winter. :)
The living room (looking at the fireplace): 
From the living room, looking into the dining room/entry:
The living room (looking at the fireplace):The dining room:
My new sewing area (in our bedroom):
I went on a little adventure to the Tri-Cities this past week, and had a blast visiting friends and family. I spent good time with mom & dad, and got to see several friends. I also spent lots of time on the couch, resting in the cleanliness. It was delightful. It was my grandparent's 57th wedding anniversary, and I was able to join them for dinner! Here are they are (at dinner): 
I think the highlight was seeing my best friend, Aubrie, and her 3 kiddos. It's fun to see friends that have known you forever, and even though you're both pretty terrible at keeping at touch, you are caught right up the minute you see each other again. We giggled, laughed, and created lots of flower arrangements for Aubrie's sister's wedding. It was fabulous. The best part was going out to breakfast and catching up while surrounded by pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. mmmm. :) Here we are at the wedding with Aubrie's youngest, Nathan:
Now that I'm home, and everything is put away, there isn't a ton to do. I'm still going to bible study, and still leading a group of young life girls in bible study too. I'm finding that I'm more tired these days, but doing pretty well overall. I'm consistently keeping fluids down, and sometimes food is staying in too!
Hugs to everyone, brelin
I think the highlight was seeing my best friend, Aubrie, and her 3 kiddos. It's fun to see friends that have known you forever, and even though you're both pretty terrible at keeping at touch, you are caught right up the minute you see each other again. We giggled, laughed, and created lots of flower arrangements for Aubrie's sister's wedding. It was fabulous. The best part was going out to breakfast and catching up while surrounded by pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. mmmm. :) Here we are at the wedding with Aubrie's youngest, Nathan:Now that I'm home, and everything is put away, there isn't a ton to do. I'm still going to bible study, and still leading a group of young life girls in bible study too. I'm finding that I'm more tired these days, but doing pretty well overall. I'm consistently keeping fluids down, and sometimes food is staying in too!Hugs to everyone, brelin
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
disarray
The last couple of weeks, we've been working on beautifying our house. While I'm extremely thankful that my husband is "handy" and can work on all these projects without having to pay someone lavish amounts of money to correct them; I am also very ready to put the furniture back it's proper location.
We're working on wood-wrapping our windows, changing all the baseboards and doorframes, and we also got new carpeting. These are all things that we were hoping to do before we sell our house in the future... and I thought we should get them done now, so that we can enjoy them for a couple of years before we move. I took some "before" pictures, and I promise to take some "after" pictures--just as soon as there is an after. :)
The good part about all of these projects going on is that I've acquired lots of new skills: spackling wood baseboards, caulking everything all over the house, using a crow bar to pry the old baseboards from the wall, and other really helpful things.
The bad part is that sometime in the midst of this chaos, I also got really sick and quit keeping down fluids for 3-4 days. I landed myself back in the hospital IV therapy for several hours getting pumped full of fluids. Apparantly, they injected magic water, because since then I am keeping down fluids AND some food. Thank you, Jesus. :)
My tummy health has gotten a bit better since the IVs. I'm still vomiting every day, just not everything anymore. I started acupuncture again, which is helping with my intestines a bit as well. I also learned that I have a hairline fracture in my sacrum (lower back), so I've been wearing patches of lydocaine to numb them and that's been helping. I'm also supposed to start physical therapy, which will help also. I think I may have fractured it a year ago snowboarding, and I just keep aggravating it. Either that, or I hurt it this summer when I was learning to pop wheelies. Regardless, it will be nice when it doesn't hurt anymore. Oh, and I got my pre-cancerous spot removed on my back, and now have another 2-3" scar. Lovely. I get those stitches out on Friday. Although my health is in total disarray, I'm holding it together reasonably well mentally. Prayers are always welcome.
All I can say is that I can't wait for my house to be clean. Seriously.
We're working on wood-wrapping our windows, changing all the baseboards and doorframes, and we also got new carpeting. These are all things that we were hoping to do before we sell our house in the future... and I thought we should get them done now, so that we can enjoy them for a couple of years before we move. I took some "before" pictures, and I promise to take some "after" pictures--just as soon as there is an after. :)
The good part about all of these projects going on is that I've acquired lots of new skills: spackling wood baseboards, caulking everything all over the house, using a crow bar to pry the old baseboards from the wall, and other really helpful things.
The bad part is that sometime in the midst of this chaos, I also got really sick and quit keeping down fluids for 3-4 days. I landed myself back in the hospital IV therapy for several hours getting pumped full of fluids. Apparantly, they injected magic water, because since then I am keeping down fluids AND some food. Thank you, Jesus. :)
My tummy health has gotten a bit better since the IVs. I'm still vomiting every day, just not everything anymore. I started acupuncture again, which is helping with my intestines a bit as well. I also learned that I have a hairline fracture in my sacrum (lower back), so I've been wearing patches of lydocaine to numb them and that's been helping. I'm also supposed to start physical therapy, which will help also. I think I may have fractured it a year ago snowboarding, and I just keep aggravating it. Either that, or I hurt it this summer when I was learning to pop wheelies. Regardless, it will be nice when it doesn't hurt anymore. Oh, and I got my pre-cancerous spot removed on my back, and now have another 2-3" scar. Lovely. I get those stitches out on Friday. Although my health is in total disarray, I'm holding it together reasonably well mentally. Prayers are always welcome.
All I can say is that I can't wait for my house to be clean. Seriously.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy 2010!
Happy New Year to everyone!! :)Since my last post, there has been a bit of a Christmas debacle. Marcus and I did join the Weakley family briefly to celebrate Christmas with them. We arrived on Christmas Eve, went to church with the whole family, and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling okay, so I did a Pilates workout in the living room and took a shower to get ready. I had just finished my hair, and was watching a DVD with Grandma, when I was blinded with horrific pain. I made it to the bathroom, and ended up doubled over on the floor. Marcus came in and took me to the ER, where we spent 5+ hours getting sub-standard care. The nurses were amazing, but the doctor was terrible. Ugh.
We made it back to my parent's house, where we quickly opened presents, and then Marcus drove us back to Sammamish.
I stayed the next day with Jim and Carol, and my pain was better that day, but I spent the majority of time in bed and parked on the couch. Since then, my pain has lessened, although I still have a pretty rough time at nights.... but I'm hanging in there. Marcus, however, is currently on muscle relaxants, and had to call in sick to work. He woke up several days ago with horrible neck and back pain, which has progressively gotten worse each morning. I forced him into the doctor's office yesterday, and they prescribed him some meds to hopefully relax his back/neck. He lovingly chides me about how he "never had stress in his life until he married me." Thus, I have been deemed the root cause of his current predicament. :) (I think he was just tired of me being in the spotlight.)
Last night, our friend Kristin rang in the New Year with us. We had phenomenal plans about going downtown, but with my health & Marcus' health being what it was, we decided to stick close to home. 
We toasted with sparkling cider at midnight, and then went to bed. There is a photo of the painkillers with the sparkling cider which I did not include in this post, but thought it captured the moment beautifully.
We toasted with sparkling cider at midnight, and then went to bed. There is a photo of the painkillers with the sparkling cider which I did not include in this post, but thought it captured the moment beautifully.We're hoping that 2010 will be full of fun and adventure, and that miraculous healing will take place any minute! We're so thankful that we have a God who loves us so richly, and blesses us abundantly with friends and family like you.
Hugs and love to all of you!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
my new favorite thing.
This has been a busy week for us already. We've celebrated 2 Christmas' so far. We kicked off the Christmas festivities with the Rismiller Family Christmas. It was so much fun to play with everyone, and opening presents is always fabulous. I believe my favorite present that I opened was from my sister-in-law, Tammy. It was a decorative plate that is pictured above. It's not often that opening a present moves me to tears, but this one did. I LOVE this plate, and I believe it captures my life's sentiments perfectly. I hope to be dancing in the rain as long as is necessary. :)
Above is Piper and me. The next one is Piper's sweet new kicks with her beautiful (and very fancy polkadot dress.) We had a terrific time together: laughing, telling stories, making and eating chicken enchiladas. Below is Aunt Judy & I assembling the enchiladas. And the last one is Scarlett and I together. Sorry you can't see her face, it's cute. :) 
We'll be heading to the Tri-Cities in 2 days to celebrate Christmas with the Weakley family. It should be another fun adventure. Merry Christmas to all!
Monday, December 14, 2009
snow?
I'm dreaming of a White Christmas. I blame my mother for my love of this Bing Crosby movie, and actually made Marcus attempt to dance with me in the comfort of our living room to my favorite song, "The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing." I mean, if Danny Kaye and Vera-Ellen can do it, I'm sure we can too! Our dancing certainly left a little something to be desired and was less than elegant. However, it was really fun.
I digress. The point of this entry is about WHITE Christmas. It has been miserably cold here lately and it seems to be all for nothing. I love snow. I want snow. Why is this too much to ask for? I realize that I live in Western WA now, but it seems reasonable to ask for snow. Just last night, it was snowing in Puyallup, but by the time we made it home--there was nothing but rain. Lame. :(
I had a follow-up appointment with my GI doctor, and he has yet another new thing to try. I'm beginning to take a regimen of Cayenne supplements. It has something called capsacin in it, which is made from the hot part of the pepper. The idea is that the supplements will burn away the nerves that carry pain. So, I'm buring my stomach nerves with Cayenne, and then easing their woes with Aloe Vera juice. If nothing else, I am probably confusing my stomach/intestines enough that I'm shocking them into submission. I like the idea anyway. :)
Hugs and Christmas love to all.
brelin
I digress. The point of this entry is about WHITE Christmas. It has been miserably cold here lately and it seems to be all for nothing. I love snow. I want snow. Why is this too much to ask for? I realize that I live in Western WA now, but it seems reasonable to ask for snow. Just last night, it was snowing in Puyallup, but by the time we made it home--there was nothing but rain. Lame. :(
I had a follow-up appointment with my GI doctor, and he has yet another new thing to try. I'm beginning to take a regimen of Cayenne supplements. It has something called capsacin in it, which is made from the hot part of the pepper. The idea is that the supplements will burn away the nerves that carry pain. So, I'm buring my stomach nerves with Cayenne, and then easing their woes with Aloe Vera juice. If nothing else, I am probably confusing my stomach/intestines enough that I'm shocking them into submission. I like the idea anyway. :)
Hugs and Christmas love to all.
brelin
Sunday, December 6, 2009
botox shmotox and patience.
You may know already what I'm going to say about my recent botox injection, given the title of my entry today. :) Let's just say that I'm not horribly impressed with my recent botox procedure. I think that my pain is less overall, but I'm still managing to vomit like nobody's business. They injected the botox into several different sites in my stomach and small intestine, but it doesn't seem to have done much. Shoot. 
One piece of good news in my life is that I successfully made a pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving. This is a phenomenally delicious dessert that my grandma, Sarah, made each year for the holidays. However, she has recently become too tired to attempt this, so I'm doing my best to carry the torch--since my mom is too chicken to try. :) Above is a picture of my pumpkin roll. It was delicious, and the picture doesn't fully do it justice. 
And a ridiculous story from my life today to show how amazing God is.
One piece of good news in my life is that I successfully made a pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving. This is a phenomenally delicious dessert that my grandma, Sarah, made each year for the holidays. However, she has recently become too tired to attempt this, so I'm doing my best to carry the torch--since my mom is too chicken to try. :) Above is a picture of my pumpkin roll. It was delicious, and the picture doesn't fully do it justice. Also, we recently got our Christmas tree, and since it's arrival at our house it looks like Christmas exploded. 
We literally hiked for like 3 miles, stomping around the tree farm to make sure that we got the perfect tree. I think we managed to get it this year....it looks great in our house. Below is Marcus doing the heavy lifting. He's so funny!
We literally hiked for like 3 miles, stomping around the tree farm to make sure that we got the perfect tree. I think we managed to get it this year....it looks great in our house. Below is Marcus doing the heavy lifting. He's so funny!And a ridiculous story from my life today to show how amazing God is.This morning at church, we discussed "signs from God"--and what we can do about them. Ironically, I was not feeling good--tired, in pain, nauseated, and really wishing that I was at home, still in bed. However, I had gone to church anyway, thinking that it might be the right thing to do. I half-heartedly listened to the sermon on Luke, spending most of my time passing notes with Marcus about how I'm sick of being patient. I quote from my note at church this morning: "I hate being patient. I have to be patient about my health--and how I puke every freaking day. I have to be patient while I wait for healing. I have to be patient about our housing situation, and now I have to be patient about waiting to have kids. Hmph."
Fast forward to after church....where Marcus and I are waiting in line at Starbucks to order our drink, discussing our drink orders with one another. An adorable old lady (she was wearing a teal coat, walking with a cane, and had to have been at least 85) turned around and looked me square in the face. She said boldly, "You have to be patient today." I looked back at her, and I'm sure that my mouth dropped wide open. There was an awkward silence while she collected the rest of her thought, and she said, "You have to be patient waiting in line today."
Internally, my mind was racing 100 miles an hour. How did she know I needed to be patient?! We weren't talking about patience, or health, or anything...we were talking about the merits of peppermint hot chocolate... Once she turned back around to order her drink from the barista, I laughed out loud in amazement at God's sense of humor. Clearly, it was a sign about my need for patience, and I'm certain that this little old woman was a messenger from God to remind me.
Dear God,
I get it. Thanks for the sign; I'm not sure you could've spelled it out more clearly for me today. And I'll try harder to be patient even though I don't want to. :)
Love, Brelin
Sunday, November 29, 2009
i'm thankful for...
Marcus and I decided early in our marriage that we would share the things we are thankful for early in the morning on Thanksgiving day.
Here's my list this year:
1. WELCOME BREAKS FROM THE NORM. I'm thankful for the months of July and September. JULY because it was a unexpected break from the vomiting and pain. I was able to run, jump, play, frolic and giggle with boundless amounts of energy. The time spent with Marcus was a reminder of why we married each other... it was not about sickness and pain, instead about being silly and cherishing each moment of adventure together. And I'm thankful for September because it was a fabulous month of weather in Seattle. Normally, we're heading into fall... which means a downward spiral into rain and gloom. However, this year September was filled with 8o degree weather and sunshine. It was glorious. :)
2. FAMILY. I'm thankful for Andy & Alyssa's engagement (yay!), for Sarah and her adventures of self-discovery, for Alyson & Rich that we can have fun even when we haven't hung out in a year. For my parents (all of them: Mark & Jane, Steve & Karen, Jim & Carol) that they're willing to share their advice when asked, to cheer us on in the midst of struggles and joyous times too, and for the endless amounts of love pour that they pour into our lives. I'm also thankful for all the Johnson's, Weakley's, and Rismiller's that we have so much fun together and that we all get along so well. :)
3. JOY. I'm thankful for the gift of JOY in the midst of struggle and suffering. This is a gift that comes from God alone, and He gives me the strength to get through even the most difficult days with laughter. It is amazing to be loved by a God who cares so deeply for me, and showers me with blessings of all kinds--strength, hope, and at times, healing. I know that He continues to heal my spirit each day, breathing new life into my broken body.
4. HOT FIREMAN. I'm thankful for my hot fireman, Marcus, who loves me more deeply each day, and truly embodies Christ's love to me. I love our wild adventures, our laughter, and that when I am too weak to walk on my own--Marcus lovingly picks me up and carries me. He comforts me when I am hurting, and prays for me when I need a reminder to reach out to the One who is the ultimate Healer. He is such an amazing man, and I love him sooooo much.
5. FRIENDS. I'm really thankful for my girl friends this year... for the ones who laugh with me and play with me even when I'm not feeling great. I'm thankful that I can cancel plans at the last minute, and they totally understand. I'm thankful that I don't have to "pretend" to be feeling good around them when I'm not. Thanks for loving me you guys, and I love you all too!! :)
6. MY GI DOCTOR. I'm also really thankful for my gastroenterologist, Dr. Schneier. I love that he never gives up on me, listens to me and my struggles, and always has something new to try.
This leads me to a brief medical update.... On Tuesday, I'll be going in for a botox injection in my guts. They do this during an endoscopy. The hope is that the botox injection will relax my intestines and stomach, causing the spasming to stop (and my abdominal pain to be lessened or relieved completely.) Hopefully that will decrease the amount of vomiting that is taking place as well. I've also started drinking Aloe Vera juice, which is supposed to help with my mast cells. One side note: aloe vera juice is disgusting, bitter, and generally pretty awful...(you can even taste its nasty flavor through orange juice!) but I suppose if it helps, I'll come around to the flavor.
Hugs and love to you all.
brelin
Here's my list this year:
1. WELCOME BREAKS FROM THE NORM. I'm thankful for the months of July and September. JULY because it was a unexpected break from the vomiting and pain. I was able to run, jump, play, frolic and giggle with boundless amounts of energy. The time spent with Marcus was a reminder of why we married each other... it was not about sickness and pain, instead about being silly and cherishing each moment of adventure together. And I'm thankful for September because it was a fabulous month of weather in Seattle. Normally, we're heading into fall... which means a downward spiral into rain and gloom. However, this year September was filled with 8o degree weather and sunshine. It was glorious. :)
2. FAMILY. I'm thankful for Andy & Alyssa's engagement (yay!), for Sarah and her adventures of self-discovery, for Alyson & Rich that we can have fun even when we haven't hung out in a year. For my parents (all of them: Mark & Jane, Steve & Karen, Jim & Carol) that they're willing to share their advice when asked, to cheer us on in the midst of struggles and joyous times too, and for the endless amounts of love pour that they pour into our lives. I'm also thankful for all the Johnson's, Weakley's, and Rismiller's that we have so much fun together and that we all get along so well. :)
3. JOY. I'm thankful for the gift of JOY in the midst of struggle and suffering. This is a gift that comes from God alone, and He gives me the strength to get through even the most difficult days with laughter. It is amazing to be loved by a God who cares so deeply for me, and showers me with blessings of all kinds--strength, hope, and at times, healing. I know that He continues to heal my spirit each day, breathing new life into my broken body.
4. HOT FIREMAN. I'm thankful for my hot fireman, Marcus, who loves me more deeply each day, and truly embodies Christ's love to me. I love our wild adventures, our laughter, and that when I am too weak to walk on my own--Marcus lovingly picks me up and carries me. He comforts me when I am hurting, and prays for me when I need a reminder to reach out to the One who is the ultimate Healer. He is such an amazing man, and I love him sooooo much.
5. FRIENDS. I'm really thankful for my girl friends this year... for the ones who laugh with me and play with me even when I'm not feeling great. I'm thankful that I can cancel plans at the last minute, and they totally understand. I'm thankful that I don't have to "pretend" to be feeling good around them when I'm not. Thanks for loving me you guys, and I love you all too!! :)
6. MY GI DOCTOR. I'm also really thankful for my gastroenterologist, Dr. Schneier. I love that he never gives up on me, listens to me and my struggles, and always has something new to try.
This leads me to a brief medical update.... On Tuesday, I'll be going in for a botox injection in my guts. They do this during an endoscopy. The hope is that the botox injection will relax my intestines and stomach, causing the spasming to stop (and my abdominal pain to be lessened or relieved completely.) Hopefully that will decrease the amount of vomiting that is taking place as well. I've also started drinking Aloe Vera juice, which is supposed to help with my mast cells. One side note: aloe vera juice is disgusting, bitter, and generally pretty awful...(you can even taste its nasty flavor through orange juice!) but I suppose if it helps, I'll come around to the flavor.
Hugs and love to you all.
brelin
Monday, November 16, 2009
a new day...
It's Monday, and I'm hoping that this week will be filled with special reminders of God's love for those who need it.... for the tender touch of grace, and loving arms of God to be wrapped around those who need comfort.... and for a mighty healing touch to be felt in those who need it most this week.
We had a great night at Campaigners (our Young Life bible study) and the girls shared about so many people who are hurting right now, dealing with cancer, and grief. They even listened and prayed for me too. They're so awesome!! Thank you for each one of those girls. :) Lord, we ask that you surround those families we mentioned last night and give them the courage they need to get through their tough situations.
We love you, and we pray boldly for healing in the weeks ahead--especially for little Kendyl, who does have leukemia. We're trusting you for mercy and peace, a miraculous healing...
Amen.
We had a great night at Campaigners (our Young Life bible study) and the girls shared about so many people who are hurting right now, dealing with cancer, and grief. They even listened and prayed for me too. They're so awesome!! Thank you for each one of those girls. :) Lord, we ask that you surround those families we mentioned last night and give them the courage they need to get through their tough situations.
We love you, and we pray boldly for healing in the weeks ahead--especially for little Kendyl, who does have leukemia. We're trusting you for mercy and peace, a miraculous healing...
Amen.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
kind of a rough week
It's been kind of a rough week this week. It started on Monday, when we got a call that Grandma Rismiller's health had taken a drastic turn for the worse... We made it to the hospital, and were able to spend the day with her. She was lucid for parts of the day, and could hear us some of the time. She was a woman of phenomenally deep faith, and it was an honor and a privelege to know her. She brought people together to hear the word of the Lord even as she was dying--at one point 8 of us were gathered around her bed to listen to the Bible and share communion together. She touched the lives of so many people with her faith and love, and I know that I am forever changed by the way that she modeled being a faithful follower of Christ.
Tuesday, I worked as a substitute teacher... which normally is very rewarding, but I found out early in the day that Grandma had passed away during the night. It was her 93rd birthday. The students were all very good, but subbing leaves me so exhausted. It exacerbates my abdominal pain and increases my symptoms, leaving me with lots of catch-up to play the rest of the week.
Wednesday I spent most of the day recovering. I was not feeling well at all, and I have been working on writing a personal letter to submit to the state for my disability claim. It has been much more emotionally draining than I would have imagined, working on this letter--I'm confronted again by all of the things that are wrong with me: with my health, and why I'm unable to work at the job that I am so passionate about-youth ministry. On a normal day, I don't dwell on all of my symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, bloating, sleeplessness, and pain. I try not to think about all that I have lost these last two years, on the pain that I feel each day from morning 'til night. I simply accept it as my life now, and do my best to continue on...not ignoring reality, but choosing to live joyfully in the midst of this challenge.
Today has been another day working on the letter. It's wearing on me emotionally, and I believe is compounding the sadness that I feel about Grandma too. In addition, today we found out a friend's little girl is in the hospital, and may have leukemia. She's only 2. Please keep them in prayer as well.
All in all, it's safe to say that it has been an exhausting week. I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. I trust that God will provide the strength to get through this time, as He always provides the grace we need. Please remember to lift up our friend's two-year-old in prayer, that she will be healed from whatever is ailing her. Give the doctors wisdom, and give her parents peace. We thank you, Lord, for the amazing life that Grandma Rismiller lived, and the awesome example that she was for us in life and love. We rejoice that she is in your presence now, and ask that you be with the rest of our family as we remember her life with joy and also with sorrow that she's no longer with us. Please give me boldness to speak the truth in my letter about my illness and the effects that it has had on my life. Be in the midst of the appeals process, guiding me through, and give compassionate hearts to the people making the decision on my case.
In Your Name,
Amen.
Tuesday, I worked as a substitute teacher... which normally is very rewarding, but I found out early in the day that Grandma had passed away during the night. It was her 93rd birthday. The students were all very good, but subbing leaves me so exhausted. It exacerbates my abdominal pain and increases my symptoms, leaving me with lots of catch-up to play the rest of the week.
Wednesday I spent most of the day recovering. I was not feeling well at all, and I have been working on writing a personal letter to submit to the state for my disability claim. It has been much more emotionally draining than I would have imagined, working on this letter--I'm confronted again by all of the things that are wrong with me: with my health, and why I'm unable to work at the job that I am so passionate about-youth ministry. On a normal day, I don't dwell on all of my symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, bloating, sleeplessness, and pain. I try not to think about all that I have lost these last two years, on the pain that I feel each day from morning 'til night. I simply accept it as my life now, and do my best to continue on...not ignoring reality, but choosing to live joyfully in the midst of this challenge.
Today has been another day working on the letter. It's wearing on me emotionally, and I believe is compounding the sadness that I feel about Grandma too. In addition, today we found out a friend's little girl is in the hospital, and may have leukemia. She's only 2. Please keep them in prayer as well.
All in all, it's safe to say that it has been an exhausting week. I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. I trust that God will provide the strength to get through this time, as He always provides the grace we need. Please remember to lift up our friend's two-year-old in prayer, that she will be healed from whatever is ailing her. Give the doctors wisdom, and give her parents peace. We thank you, Lord, for the amazing life that Grandma Rismiller lived, and the awesome example that she was for us in life and love. We rejoice that she is in your presence now, and ask that you be with the rest of our family as we remember her life with joy and also with sorrow that she's no longer with us. Please give me boldness to speak the truth in my letter about my illness and the effects that it has had on my life. Be in the midst of the appeals process, guiding me through, and give compassionate hearts to the people making the decision on my case.
In Your Name,
Amen.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
salt 'n' peppa
We went bowling on Halloween with some friends. Marcus and I dressed as Salt and Pepper....
We had tons of fun with them hanging out, chatting it up, and watching Oregon smear USC in football before we started bowling...when I even got a strike!!! :) Woot woot! The pics above are us bowling in the black light and disco ball. Below is the dignified shot when we first got there.Yay!! What a fun night we had!!
Friday, October 30, 2009
three cheers for Darius Rucker!
It's been another busy week with lots of wild adventures!
Early in the week, Marcus and his brother Jon made a trek to get more miracle water from Glacier Basin. They hiked in the pouring rain and other miserable conditions, so I was told to be very appreciative when they arrived home with it. :) So far, I've been drinking it--but nothing miraculous has occurred. I'm going to be sure to have the doctor test some of the water if something good happens though. I'll be sure to keep you all posted.
I worked as a sub this week in an 8th grade Math/Science class, and had a blast. I really like the teacher of that class, and enjoy his "style"... so I always have fun with his students as well. Later that night, I tried to play soccer, rather unsuccessfully this time. I learned that teaching+soccer=almost fainting on the field due to low blood pressure. Okay, we'll know that now for next time. Marcus benched me at half-time, which was okay, because it was so cold & rainy that I just wanted to sit in the car anyway. :)
I'M DRASTICALLY CHANGING THE SUBJECT TO A MUCH MORE CHEERFUL ONE. BRACE YOURSELF....
I feel like last night all of my high school dreams were realized. I went to a concert with my friend, Alicia Gelles. We have known each other forever--since 4th grade or something. We went to a Rascal Flatts concert in Tacoma, and the opening band was Darius Rucker. The name meant nothing to us. However, when HOOTIE from Hootie and the Blowfish walked on stage and started singing, it was like a dream come true. Apparently, some time in the last 10 years, he's made a switch to country music and "changed" his name to his actual name. Weird. The best part was that he not only sang a few of his famous country hits, but he busted out the famous Hootie hits from the good old days. Alicia and I held each other close, our hands clasped and raised proudly in the air, swaying rhythmically to the music, belting out "Hold My Hand" as Rascal Flatts and Darius Rucker closed down the Tacoma Dome. It was a magical night--straight out of 1996.
Early in the week, Marcus and his brother Jon made a trek to get more miracle water from Glacier Basin. They hiked in the pouring rain and other miserable conditions, so I was told to be very appreciative when they arrived home with it. :) So far, I've been drinking it--but nothing miraculous has occurred. I'm going to be sure to have the doctor test some of the water if something good happens though. I'll be sure to keep you all posted.
I worked as a sub this week in an 8th grade Math/Science class, and had a blast. I really like the teacher of that class, and enjoy his "style"... so I always have fun with his students as well. Later that night, I tried to play soccer, rather unsuccessfully this time. I learned that teaching+soccer=almost fainting on the field due to low blood pressure. Okay, we'll know that now for next time. Marcus benched me at half-time, which was okay, because it was so cold & rainy that I just wanted to sit in the car anyway. :)
I'M DRASTICALLY CHANGING THE SUBJECT TO A MUCH MORE CHEERFUL ONE. BRACE YOURSELF....
I feel like last night all of my high school dreams were realized. I went to a concert with my friend, Alicia Gelles. We have known each other forever--since 4th grade or something. We went to a Rascal Flatts concert in Tacoma, and the opening band was Darius Rucker. The name meant nothing to us. However, when HOOTIE from Hootie and the Blowfish walked on stage and started singing, it was like a dream come true. Apparently, some time in the last 10 years, he's made a switch to country music and "changed" his name to his actual name. Weird. The best part was that he not only sang a few of his famous country hits, but he busted out the famous Hootie hits from the good old days. Alicia and I held each other close, our hands clasped and raised proudly in the air, swaying rhythmically to the music, belting out "Hold My Hand" as Rascal Flatts and Darius Rucker closed down the Tacoma Dome. It was a magical night--straight out of 1996.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
larch trees!
My mom came to visit, and we got to see "Joseph" at the 5th Ave. Theater--it was amazing. If you have the chance to go, you should do it! The main reason for her visit was to come fix yet another bridesmaid dress. I am too short, and not the correct size to buy things off the rack. Shoot. However, my mother, (tailor to the poor) has done another phenomenal job of taking in, hemming, and generally rearranging my dress, so that I will look fabulous for the wedding in a couple months. Thanks, Mom!
Marcus and I went on another hike, this time to the North Cascades to a place near Blue Lake/Liberty Bell/Early Winter's Spire (I think those are the correct names). It was amazing, and I got to see larch trees for the first time. Larch trees are like pine trees, only the needles turn yellow and then fall off. We took pictures to show you this amazing sight. It's been raining for a week straight, but it didn't rain a drop on our hike. (yay!) The sun came out for our photo opps. :)
Beyond that, there's not much to report. I'm doing reasonably well lately... my energy level is pretty good, and my vomiting is only insanely bad a few times a week. My pain level was off the charts the other day for some reason, but after Marcus carried me to bed, doped me up, and then prayed for me, I finally fell asleep--I've been doing great since then. I'm still not sure what caused the disaster, but I'm glad that it's over. :)
Happy Fall to All!
brelin
Thursday, October 15, 2009
something stinks.
I'd like to blame Marcus for the foul odor that is in our condo. However, I think it's something far worse than a human smell that he (or I) could have produced. It seems that whenever we turn on our bathroom fan(s) that a nasty smell comes cirulating into our condo. Delightful. Since we have had the really blustery winds the last few days, the odor has been significantly less. I think I can still smell it, despited the candy corn-scented candle that has been burning non-stop to mask the stench. Being the responsible and grown-up homeowner that I am, I have contacted multiple places, only to get the run-around about what to do. Can't someone just hook up a giant vaccuum and suck the dead thing (or whatever it is that is stinking) out of the exhaust vent? Is there no such thing as a giant vaccuum? I've called HVAC people and Duct Cleaners, and no one wants to come fix our odor. Everyone is very nice, but no one seems to be able to help. Marcus is coming home with a ladder tomorrow, so hopefully we can find the problem ourselves. Ugh. i hate being an adult.
I played soccer again last night! This time, it was much more successful than the other times I've tried, and I only threw up once during the game! VICTORY. :) Oh, and I didn't fall down all over the place either. I'd like to attribute this to the vast amounts of carmel brownies that I've been consuming lately... perhaps these are good for one's soul and soccer playing abilities?! I feel like they are.
I don't think I have much else to report. I subbed in 7th grade science the other day, and those kids wore me out. The highlight of the day was when one kid called me a "nazi", and his friend didn't hear him, but I did. His friend said, "huh?!" I said to the boy, "Jimmy* just called me a Nazi. You should tell him that he should insult me more quietly next time so that he doesn't get put on the naughty list." Jimmy's eyes got very wide, and I said, "Jimmy, I've been pretty nice so far, you should hear my REALLY mean voice." And then his eyes got bigger. It was really hard not for me to laugh, I'll be honest. All in all, it was a good day.
I'm enjoying going to Bible study, we're studying Luke. I'm also enjoying leading my Young Life girls, they are hilarious, and it's almost time for homecoming! Very exciting--I can't wait to see the pictures!
hugs,
brelin
(*Jimmy is not the boy's real name. I didn't want to totally embarrass him in case he stumbled upon my blog somehow.)
I played soccer again last night! This time, it was much more successful than the other times I've tried, and I only threw up once during the game! VICTORY. :) Oh, and I didn't fall down all over the place either. I'd like to attribute this to the vast amounts of carmel brownies that I've been consuming lately... perhaps these are good for one's soul and soccer playing abilities?! I feel like they are.
I don't think I have much else to report. I subbed in 7th grade science the other day, and those kids wore me out. The highlight of the day was when one kid called me a "nazi", and his friend didn't hear him, but I did. His friend said, "huh?!" I said to the boy, "Jimmy* just called me a Nazi. You should tell him that he should insult me more quietly next time so that he doesn't get put on the naughty list." Jimmy's eyes got very wide, and I said, "Jimmy, I've been pretty nice so far, you should hear my REALLY mean voice." And then his eyes got bigger. It was really hard not for me to laugh, I'll be honest. All in all, it was a good day.
I'm enjoying going to Bible study, we're studying Luke. I'm also enjoying leading my Young Life girls, they are hilarious, and it's almost time for homecoming! Very exciting--I can't wait to see the pictures!
hugs,
brelin
(*Jimmy is not the boy's real name. I didn't want to totally embarrass him in case he stumbled upon my blog somehow.)
Friday, September 25, 2009
lots of fun adventures!!
My life has been so full of fun activities lately!! :) I have been so blessed to be attending all kinds of events in the Seattle area lately. I saw the show, Wicked, with some friends of mine--which was AMAZING. Then a couple days later, I went to a Sounders game with some other friends, which was SUPER fun. Later, I went to see Ben Harper & Pearl Jam in concert with another friend in the Key Arena which was RAD. The best part about all of these events is that someone else was supposed to go originally, and then I was called at the last minute to "fill-in"--getting to take advantage of an extra ticket. Thank you to all of you, friends, who have been so generous this past week!! :) I almost forgot to mention that Marcus, Tad, Jim, Carol, and I had a killer "jam session" at our house playing the new "Beatles Rock Band." It was awesome to see my mother-in-law playing a plastic guitar while my father-in-law was trying to pelt out the words to "I Am the Walrus." Yes, they are LOVING being retired, and yes, I took pictures. However, I think if I posted them, I'm not sure we'd ever get them to come over again. Just know they had fun. :)
The past few days in Sammamish, the weather has been awesome, and Marcus has had several days in a row off, so we thought we'd embrace the sunshine by heading to the mountains for another hiking adventure. We threw stuff in our backpacks and headed for an overnight trip to Gem Lake. (pictured below.)
It was a pretty uneventful trip, all in all, which in my world is fantastic!! There were no insane log crossings, no rock climbing sections, and no near-fainting episodes. However, I did throw up twice, sadly breaking a 4-day puke-free streak. Below is a picture of me at the beginning of the hike.
Oh, I almost forgot the man-size bug that we saw when we were about to leave. We had just finished packing all of our stuff up, Marcus was about to close his pack, and we saw this HUGE and disgusting monster sitting on the top of Marcus' pack. We immediately grabbed the camera, to photograph the removal of the bug, hoping (and praying) that the bug would not fall inside the pack. I might have let out a girly shreik, worried that it would fly when Marcus poked it with a stick. Little did I know, it was hugely fat, and could barely hop it was so heavy. :) I'll include a photo for your viewing pleasure.
After much discussion, I've decided that I'm going to try not to keep track of days in a row that I don't throw up because I just get disappointed when I start throwing up again. Marcus suggested that I celebrate each puke-free day individually, enjoying the increased energy and day of fun for what it is; and then start over being thankful the next morning again. Hopefully I will get to keep being thankful a zillion days in a row, but I just won't be thinking about "breaking a new record". I'll let you know how my new thought process goes.
Have a wonderful week!
Friday, September 18, 2009
p.s.
Side Note from God: do not get ahead of yourself. I'm right here. I've brought you this far, why do you think I'd abandon you now?!
As I have been re-organizing my bathroom cabinets this morning, I had an overwhelming surge of thankfulness that I no longer have to use a picc line to survive. It is easy for me to get ahead of myself, caught up in the things that I want and worried about how things will get taken care of in the future... Right now, in this moment, I remember and celebrate that I am not dependant on a picc line to get my fluids--I can simply drink water or gatorade or delicious iced tea from Cheesecake Factory (my fav) and most of the time it even stays down! :)
Thanks God, for these simple gifts--that I so often take for granted.
Amen.
As I have been re-organizing my bathroom cabinets this morning, I had an overwhelming surge of thankfulness that I no longer have to use a picc line to survive. It is easy for me to get ahead of myself, caught up in the things that I want and worried about how things will get taken care of in the future... Right now, in this moment, I remember and celebrate that I am not dependant on a picc line to get my fluids--I can simply drink water or gatorade or delicious iced tea from Cheesecake Factory (my fav) and most of the time it even stays down! :)
Thanks God, for these simple gifts--that I so often take for granted.
Amen.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
the heavy metal water strikes again.
Some of you may remember my miraculous healing which occurred roughly around the same time as my consumption of the "heavy metal water," which I drank after a ridiculously strenuous hike into Glacier Basin. (you can see the post on July 21 for more information)
Anyway, after seeing the GI doctor this past week for my nausea and vomiting which has returned and gotten worse again...it seems that my heavy metal water might have had some legitimate restorative effects after all. The doc ran some blood tests, and it turns out that I am low in zinc. I start my new supplements tonight. I'm also starting some more new meds that are working on restoring my mast cells... hoping to decrease the inflammation in the bowel, decreasing the pain overall, and hopefully, in turn, eliminating the vomiting. I appreciate that Dr. Schneier never runs out of ideas. :)
As for other activities, I'm beginning a new bible study tomorrow morning--the study of Luke. I'm excited to be discussing the bible in a group of women again. And a couple other women & I are leading a group of 10th grade girls in Bible study on Sunday nights too. That just started up last week, and will be a lot of fun as well. I'm doing some tutoring on the side that will start up this next week--and will get my brain going too.
Please pray for immediate healing. Pray for clarity in the road that God would have us walk down. In the midst of all this, our desire is to start a family. Please pray that my body might be restored completely, that we might be able to conceive a child, and that Gdo would protect me and that healthy child during a safe and easy pregnancy.
Thank you all for your love and support.
brelin
Anyway, after seeing the GI doctor this past week for my nausea and vomiting which has returned and gotten worse again...it seems that my heavy metal water might have had some legitimate restorative effects after all. The doc ran some blood tests, and it turns out that I am low in zinc. I start my new supplements tonight. I'm also starting some more new meds that are working on restoring my mast cells... hoping to decrease the inflammation in the bowel, decreasing the pain overall, and hopefully, in turn, eliminating the vomiting. I appreciate that Dr. Schneier never runs out of ideas. :)
As for other activities, I'm beginning a new bible study tomorrow morning--the study of Luke. I'm excited to be discussing the bible in a group of women again. And a couple other women & I are leading a group of 10th grade girls in Bible study on Sunday nights too. That just started up last week, and will be a lot of fun as well. I'm doing some tutoring on the side that will start up this next week--and will get my brain going too.
Please pray for immediate healing. Pray for clarity in the road that God would have us walk down. In the midst of all this, our desire is to start a family. Please pray that my body might be restored completely, that we might be able to conceive a child, and that Gdo would protect me and that healthy child during a safe and easy pregnancy.
Thank you all for your love and support.
brelin
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
things that make you go hmmmmmm.
I have good news and bad news.
The bad news is that my vomiting started up again, and was pretty rough for the past several weeks. I sort of felt like a disappointment, like I was somehow a failure to my blogging community--so I didn't want to write about it right away. I've been so excited to report my good news about being a digester, and I didn't want to let you all down again.
The good news is that it seems that I may have stalled long enough for the vomiting to have worked itself out again. This is my 4th day of being puke-free in a row! Yay!! :) Hopefully, I'm back on a tremendous digesting streak. I'll have to keep you posted. I go see the doc again tomorrow.
The same old news is that still the docs have no real understanding of WHY the nausea/vomiting comes and goes. Or what makes causes my miraculous moments of health (besides a miracle of God, of course.) Unfortunately, the docs have a hard time writing a prescription for those and are not able to call those directly into Bartell's Pharmacy. :)
Anyway, I'm going to try and play soccer tomorrow... since my health has been so outstanding for half a week already. I'll make sure to let you know how it goes.
Also, for those of you keeping track--yesterday was my 2 year puking anniversary. 9/7/07 was the day that the vomiting all began. (and, I didn't throw up the whole day! Thank you, Jesus!!)
Okay, tons of hugs to you all... and more about all of my fun adventures later.
brelin
The bad news is that my vomiting started up again, and was pretty rough for the past several weeks. I sort of felt like a disappointment, like I was somehow a failure to my blogging community--so I didn't want to write about it right away. I've been so excited to report my good news about being a digester, and I didn't want to let you all down again.
The good news is that it seems that I may have stalled long enough for the vomiting to have worked itself out again. This is my 4th day of being puke-free in a row! Yay!! :) Hopefully, I'm back on a tremendous digesting streak. I'll have to keep you posted. I go see the doc again tomorrow.
The same old news is that still the docs have no real understanding of WHY the nausea/vomiting comes and goes. Or what makes causes my miraculous moments of health (besides a miracle of God, of course.) Unfortunately, the docs have a hard time writing a prescription for those and are not able to call those directly into Bartell's Pharmacy. :)
Anyway, I'm going to try and play soccer tomorrow... since my health has been so outstanding for half a week already. I'll make sure to let you know how it goes.
Also, for those of you keeping track--yesterday was my 2 year puking anniversary. 9/7/07 was the day that the vomiting all began. (and, I didn't throw up the whole day! Thank you, Jesus!!)
Okay, tons of hugs to you all... and more about all of my fun adventures later.
brelin
Monday, August 24, 2009
woop woop! here we go, here we go!
I just got back from a quick trip to the Tri-Cities to visit my grandma, see a couple friends, and hang out with the fam. While I was there, my mom and I went on a super fun visit to Spokane with my cousins (7th and 9th graders) Tina & Sveta. We tried on silly prom dresses at the Macy's Clearance store, took funny photos of ugly jeans, and drank fancy lemonades. It was amazing.
Since I've been home, I've enjoyed cleaning my house, and spending some time with family and friends. I'm catching up on paperwork, filing lots of papers--including wading through medical records from the last 2 years. (yuck.)
I've also decided that I'm going to clean the carpets this week. I know, it sounds like a real hoot, huh? They are so dirty, and I just want them to be sparkly clean again. So, I'm looking forward to a date with the rug doctor. :)
My tummy is doing fine. My pain has been a bit worse the last week or so, but my vomiting is still gone. I've only thrown up a few times, and I'm still down to just 5 medications. :) Yay! I'm so pumped about my little (huge) miracle.
I'm off to enjoy the sunshine.
love brelin
Since I've been home, I've enjoyed cleaning my house, and spending some time with family and friends. I'm catching up on paperwork, filing lots of papers--including wading through medical records from the last 2 years. (yuck.)
I've also decided that I'm going to clean the carpets this week. I know, it sounds like a real hoot, huh? They are so dirty, and I just want them to be sparkly clean again. So, I'm looking forward to a date with the rug doctor. :)
My tummy is doing fine. My pain has been a bit worse the last week or so, but my vomiting is still gone. I've only thrown up a few times, and I'm still down to just 5 medications. :) Yay! I'm so pumped about my little (huge) miracle.
I'm off to enjoy the sunshine.
love brelin
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
delicious.
Marcus and I just returned home from the annual "Rismiller Family Vacation." The past few years, this has meant a trip to Sun River--staying together in a giant house for seven days. Most people cringe at the thought at spending that much time with their in-laws. I can say that it was super fun, but I was ready for my comfortable (and quiet) bed by the end of the trip.
While we were there, we had fabulous adventures of every kind! We went on several long bike rides, we went white water rafting, we played in the pool, we went canoeing, we jumped off a rope swing into the river, we had a fun girl's day of shopping, Marcus and I played golf on a rainy day in Bend, and we went out to dinner with his brother and sister & spouses at the Pine Tree Restaurant. The place was amazing. I've always enjoyed the food there, but I don't think I've ever celebrated a scone with honey butter, or a delicious marionberry cobbler so much in my life. The whole week seemed delicious, including the activities I had energy to participate in.
I have remained almost totally puke-free. I had 2 rough evenings while in Sun River. I believe they were in large part to being over-tired and out of my normal "routine", eating foods that were much more rich than normal. (see paragraph above.) I continue to celebrate being puke free, as the 2 days seemed to have been just a little blip in the digestion train. Since I have been home, I have been feeling good again, and have gotten lots of rest. :)
I am really enjoying each moment of health, literally celebrating almost every day! It's such a relief to feel good, and I plan to relish in the goodness--feeling like I have a new lease on life, and trying not to "worry" about what might happens if it comes to an end again. I pray that my vomiting days are truly over forever.
I'm so thankful to God for each moment that I have to play with Marcus. We're enjoying having this time together to remember our love and our marriage don't always have to be centered around talk of bowel movements, or metal bowls filled with puke. It is such a blessing to be living in the "and in health" part of our vows. :) It seemed like we were sort of stuck in "in sickness" part for far too long.
It has been one year, eleven months, and 4 days since I began vomiting. There were times this past couple of years where the pain was so bad I just wanted to die and be with Jesus so that I didn't have to hurt anymore, and on the other hand, there have been moments where we have been filled with such hope, seeing God's hand of providence in it all. We continue to walk the path that God has laid before us, knowing that He is with us each step, guiding our feet, holding our hands when we stumble, and carrying us when we are too weary to continue on our own. Right now, it is a joy to report that we're able to skip down the path toward Him. I'm loving it.
While we were there, we had fabulous adventures of every kind! We went on several long bike rides, we went white water rafting, we played in the pool, we went canoeing, we jumped off a rope swing into the river, we had a fun girl's day of shopping, Marcus and I played golf on a rainy day in Bend, and we went out to dinner with his brother and sister & spouses at the Pine Tree Restaurant. The place was amazing. I've always enjoyed the food there, but I don't think I've ever celebrated a scone with honey butter, or a delicious marionberry cobbler so much in my life. The whole week seemed delicious, including the activities I had energy to participate in.
I have remained almost totally puke-free. I had 2 rough evenings while in Sun River. I believe they were in large part to being over-tired and out of my normal "routine", eating foods that were much more rich than normal. (see paragraph above.) I continue to celebrate being puke free, as the 2 days seemed to have been just a little blip in the digestion train. Since I have been home, I have been feeling good again, and have gotten lots of rest. :)
I am really enjoying each moment of health, literally celebrating almost every day! It's such a relief to feel good, and I plan to relish in the goodness--feeling like I have a new lease on life, and trying not to "worry" about what might happens if it comes to an end again. I pray that my vomiting days are truly over forever.
I'm so thankful to God for each moment that I have to play with Marcus. We're enjoying having this time together to remember our love and our marriage don't always have to be centered around talk of bowel movements, or metal bowls filled with puke. It is such a blessing to be living in the "and in health" part of our vows. :) It seemed like we were sort of stuck in "in sickness" part for far too long.
It has been one year, eleven months, and 4 days since I began vomiting. There were times this past couple of years where the pain was so bad I just wanted to die and be with Jesus so that I didn't have to hurt anymore, and on the other hand, there have been moments where we have been filled with such hope, seeing God's hand of providence in it all. We continue to walk the path that God has laid before us, knowing that He is with us each step, guiding our feet, holding our hands when we stumble, and carrying us when we are too weary to continue on our own. Right now, it is a joy to report that we're able to skip down the path toward Him. I'm loving it.
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