kind of a rough week

It's been kind of a rough week this week. It started on Monday, when we got a call that Grandma Rismiller's health had taken a drastic turn for the worse... We made it to the hospital, and were able to spend the day with her. She was lucid for parts of the day, and could hear us some of the time. She was a woman of phenomenally deep faith, and it was an honor and a privelege to know her. She brought people together to hear the word of the Lord even as she was dying--at one point 8 of us were gathered around her bed to listen to the Bible and share communion together. She touched the lives of so many people with her faith and love, and I know that I am forever changed by the way that she modeled being a faithful follower of Christ.

Tuesday, I worked as a substitute teacher... which normally is very rewarding, but I found out early in the day that Grandma had passed away during the night. It was her 93rd birthday. The students were all very good, but subbing leaves me so exhausted. It exacerbates my abdominal pain and increases my symptoms, leaving me with lots of catch-up to play the rest of the week.

Wednesday I spent most of the day recovering. I was not feeling well at all, and I have been working on writing a personal letter to submit to the state for my disability claim. It has been much more emotionally draining than I would have imagined, working on this letter--I'm confronted again by all of the things that are wrong with me: with my health, and why I'm unable to work at the job that I am so passionate about-youth ministry. On a normal day, I don't dwell on all of my symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, bloating, sleeplessness, and pain. I try not to think about all that I have lost these last two years, on the pain that I feel each day from morning 'til night. I simply accept it as my life now, and do my best to continue on...not ignoring reality, but choosing to live joyfully in the midst of this challenge.

Today has been another day working on the letter. It's wearing on me emotionally, and I believe is compounding the sadness that I feel about Grandma too. In addition, today we found out a friend's little girl is in the hospital, and may have leukemia. She's only 2. Please keep them in prayer as well.

All in all, it's safe to say that it has been an exhausting week. I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. I trust that God will provide the strength to get through this time, as He always provides the grace we need. Please remember to lift up our friend's two-year-old in prayer, that she will be healed from whatever is ailing her. Give the doctors wisdom, and give her parents peace. We thank you, Lord, for the amazing life that Grandma Rismiller lived, and the awesome example that she was for us in life and love. We rejoice that she is in your presence now, and ask that you be with the rest of our family as we remember her life with joy and also with sorrow that she's no longer with us. Please give me boldness to speak the truth in my letter about my illness and the effects that it has had on my life. Be in the midst of the appeals process, guiding me through, and give compassionate hearts to the people making the decision on my case.

In Your Name,
Amen.