the BIG news

Many of you know already, but I thought I'd share the news with the rest of you...

I'M HAVING TWINS!!

We heard heartbeats for the first time on Friday, and although it's still early in the pregnancy, I'd love to have you all praying for me (and the babies). I'm doing well for the most part...still vomiting, but not nearly as often as I usually do...which is good, because I'm supposed to be eating 3000 calories a day. I'm certain I'm not close to that yet, but am pretty pleased with my progress overall. I'm really, really tired--and am doing my best not to just "push through" like I'm used to doing. Whenever I start to get frustrated at how exhausted I am, I say out loud, "Give yourself a break. You're growing brain cells today." Or, "You're growing hands today...and you have to make 4!!" That helps me remember what the end game is, and then I take a nap.

 

I'm very early on in my pregnancy. Just 7 1/2 weeks along. I realize that most normal people wait to tell others until they are at the their second trimester. I, however, am not normal--and am eager to have all of you praying for this process. :) So, pray!! (tee hee)

 

Just to warn you, I'm not the girl that's going to post their ultrasound pictures on Facebook (or on the blog). While we think that seeing both ventricles of the heart beating in two babies at the same time is a miracle (and super cool) we realize that all you non-pregnant types don't find it nearly as interesting. :)

 

So, the miraculous news of twins combined with the super sunny December weather has certainly lifted my spirits. Besides my exhaustion, my mood couldn't be better. Since we heard the news, Marcus and I go back and forth between being elated, and so freaked out we might pee our pants. It's been nice to have my mom (who also had twins) be able to share her good ideas with me.

 

I've started seeing a high-risk OB already, and really like her. It's part of the Perinatal Clinic in downtown Seattle, and all of the doctors in the practice are high-risk. Many of my appointments will be with different doctors--it's a real "team" approach--and I'm hoping I like it. I've heard nothing but amazing things about these doctors, and although it's a trek to get my appointments, I'm glad to have their expertise on my side. I am also consulting a nutritionist on Friday 12/23 to see if there are easy ways for me to sneak more calories into my diet. The OBs have said that I need to be checked out weekly (at least for a while) to make sure that my electrolytes are balanced, and that my albumin and pre-albumin (which indicate malnutrition) are at the correct levels too. For now, I'm continuing with my fluids twice a week, and still LOVE having my port.

 

We are so excited!! And we're thrilled to watch God's hand at work through this whole process. The best part of this pregnancy is that I'm so at peace about everything. It might be a tough road, but I just know that God is in and through me, working on knitting those babies together as we speak. The Christmas story has taken on a whole new meaning to me this year, as I hear the story about Mary and the Angel. So cool.

 

Have a blessed holiday, and safe travel to all who are headed somewhere else!

Love ya!!

Brelin

 

Thanksgiving Aftermath and Christmas Fun

Thanksgiving went really smoothly. We had a ton of fun with both families, and more than enough food. The highlights included the turkey turning out amazingly moist and delicious and my 11-year-old nephew prancing around our house to "Must Be Santa" while wearing his mother's high-heeled boots.  His dance was complete with spirit-fingers, and was very comical, especially when he managed to get his boot stuck in his t-shirt making him fall face-first into the floor while we all laughed.  It was awesome.  The lowlights included my sub-par tasting gravy (I tried to be gourmet) and my other nephew catching a football with his face and getting a bloody nose.  All in all, we made it, and had a great night.

We did lots of tourist-y things with Matthew and Sarah (& my parents), including:
--the Boeing museum (which was very educational and pretty amazing)
--Snowboarding at Crystal Mountain (which was a riot thanks to my sister who found the one puddle to land in on her first trip down the bunny hill)
--A quick trip to Snoqualmie Falls (because it was pouring rain)
--The Space Needle and Pike Place to watch fish-throwing
--Eating at Ivar's on the Pier with the seagulls
--and finishing off the week by staying in downtown Seattle after meeting up with a lot of the Weakley cousins at the Martini Bar. It was so much fun.

I managed to contract the worst cold I've ever had (to date) on Tuesday night, about the time that Sarah and Matthew arrived. I struggled through the weekend, sniffling, coughing, running a fever, and doing my best not to yell at anyone. At one point I was so congested that I threw up and then immediately got a bloody nose just from the pressure in my head. It was miserable. Despite our best attempts to avoid each other, Marcus came down with my same, horrible cold (a less lengthy version)--and had to miss work. His words, "I can't believe you made it through cooking and eating Thanksgiving dinner feeling like this..." I was glad that he recognized my struggle. My cough/cold lasted about 2 1/2 weeks total. It basically sucked.

Since then, we've been busting a move on all things Christmas. We got a tree from a cut-your-own-tree-down lot, and as usual, it took far too long to select one. Marcus and I tromped around the several miles of tree farm to select the "perfect" Christmas tree at Marcus' request. This is one Rismiller family tradition that I could do without. I see nothing wrong with a perfectly trimmed fake tree, and an evergreen scented candle. I'm fairly certain I will be overruled for the remainder of our marriage, however.

After we selected the tree, we were both too exhausted to do anything about it. It sat in our garage for 2 or 3 days, waiting for us to muster up the strength to get all the Christmas bins down, trim the tree, and decorate the rest of the house. Again this year, Marcus donned his college track spikes to put the lights on the cedar shake roof--while I watched nervously, hoping that I wouldn't have him land on me or that I wouldn't need to call 911. He successfully completed the light mission, and our house looks great.

I have been working hard to get our Christmas cards out this year. I think I ramped up our list a little bit, trying to reach out to people that I haven't heard from in a while. I'm hoping our letter will be well-received. The one thing that will be different next year is that I'm switching to computer-generated labels. I realize that lots of people have been using them for years, but I've always thought it's a little better to have hand-addressed letters. After this year, with absolutely no help from Marcus on the Christmas cards or letters, I've decided that I'm simply over it--sticky labels it is.

Health-wise I've been doing okay. I've actually been feeling a little bit better the last couple of weeks, especially since my cold has vanished. It seems like I've been keeping a noticeable amount of food down each day. My water is also staying in better. I'm continuing to get fluids twice a week, and that seems to keep things running smoothly.

Last weekend we enjoyed a Big Horn Brass Concert with my friend down in Portland. I puked all the way down in the car, but the concert itself was amazing. We unknowingly booked a crappy hotel on hotels.com which had received really good reviews. We walked into the room, and it reeked of decades of cigarette smoke...so much so that it was a little hard to breathe. Ugh. Anyway, we got free breakfast (which was really good) the next morning, so I guess it was worth the tiny amount we paid?

We are going to be very well celebrated by the end of the Christmas season again this year. It's wonderful to see all of our families, and we're so thankful that they live close enough that we can make it all happen each year. We celebrate Rismiller Family Christmas on 12/21, then roll to Tri-Cities for Weakley Family Christmas 12/24-12/29, quickly followed by Johnson Family Christmas on 12/30. I'm fairly certain that we will finish just in time for me to take a nap to ring in the new year.

After all of the craziness, we are so thrilled to remember that Jesus is the real reason we are celebrating. It's not about gifts or generosity of spirit, instead it's about God sending His Son to earth to show us how to live. I'm so excited that His grace and mercy flow so freely to all who need it. (including me!!) Thank you, Jesus, for your love and peace. Please be with all of us this year, giving safety to all those who travel and comfort to all those who mourn. We love you, Amen.

Have a wonderfully Merry Christmas, and a blessed 2012.

Love brelin

 

 

Thanksgiving

I've been doing okay, and there is simply not much to report. Marcus and I have been busy with a healthy balance of doctor's appointments and fun. I'm STILL getting shocked by my pacemaker and want to rip it out of my body most of the time. I'm still whole-heartedly impressed with my port, the scar is healed well, and it's tiny!! And the location is perfect--a v-neck t-shirt mostly covers the incision.

We are looking forward to Thanksgiving at our house this year with my family and Marcus' family. It should be lots of fun. I'm brainstorming fun games we can play and activities we can do to keep the party going. I'm a little nervous about making the whole meal because I'm a little bit of a perfectionist--but after watching several cooking show with "tips for the holidays", I've come to the conclusion that the word "rustic" can cover a multitude of sins. It's a trendy and hip word with such a vague meaning that I feel like it could cover even the biggest sweet potato flub.

To those who faithfully read my blog: don't tell my mother-in-law about my secret word. She is a flawless chef capable of table miracles, so I might just need to fool her in case of poor plate presentation/taste/etc.

And a side note about my mom's cooking: she has other gifts. Like, baking amazing creations or educating people from all walks of life about the dangers of poverty, and if you need to know anything about kids 0-3, she's your gal. However, when cooking up swanky side dishes for the holidays-- I'm planning to channel Grandma Sanders.

So, overall the party should be great. My sister is flying in on Friday with her boyfriend from Ireland. (He's from Ireland, living in VA for a time. Sarah's in DC going to grad school and saving lives with her non-profit work.) We are excited to show him all the beauty the NW has to offer--and hopefully trick them both into moving to the west coast so I can see them more.

Blessings to all of our friends and loved ones. We are so thankful to have you walking with us through this crazy journey. I think I'll try to do my annual "thankful" post sometime after my family leaves. :)

Oh, and here's my favorite Bible erase at the moment--it's been such an encouragement to me these past few weeks. I hope it's encouraging to you all too!!

Romans 12:11-12
Never give up!! Eagerly follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord. Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in times of trouble and never stop praying.

Hugs and love to you all, B

I can't believe how amazing it is to have a port. I love it!! I sort of wish that I would've had one put in a few years ago. Granted, I'm wearing more scarves overall--trending towards my little sister's approach to fashion (a scarf, regardless of color, goes with everything.) I've had it accessed twice so far and the blood return is great, as is the flowing of the hydration. Best of all, when the nausea meds go in IV, there is no burning!! Excellent. The placement is good, and the scar is small--and healing nicely. It's not even been two weeks, and I'm already not feeling it too much during a low-impact workout. Yay!!

Beyond that, there is not too much to report. We've had beautiful weather the past week or so--and I'm not one to take sunshine for granted--so we've been out almost every day working on the yard or hiking somewhere amazing. The other day, Marcus and I hiked up to Suntop and through the Grove of the Patriarchs. Both were beautiful, ripe with fall colors. The view from Suntop was spectacular, we could see Rainier, some of the Cascades, and even on to the Olympics. Gorgeous.

Thanks for your prayers, thoughts and well-wishes. It's such a blessing to have you all walking alongside me through this journey.

Hugs!!
Brelin

I love Halloween. I love staying home to answer the door and see all the cute kids in costume. Highlights for me so far this year include:
1)Marcus just answered the door for trick-or-treaters, and the kid exclaimed, "You're big!!" in his chirpy voice.

2)There was one kid dressed in a scary mask, and a little ninja turtle was too frightened to choose his candy from the same bowl. His mom kept repeating, "He's just in a costume like you, honey." Poor little ninja turtle may be a fierce crime fighter--just not when someone's wearing a scary joker mask.

I'm continuing to improve since surgery. I'm taking drugs less often, and I even went to Zumba today. I was less than awesome in my hand motions during class, but I made it most of the way through. I'm down to ibuprofen during the day and one muscle relaxer at night. Overall, getting better.

Keep those prayers coming...
B

home and doing well

Hi All,
A brief update to let you know how surgery went:
It was quick and uncomplicated. The vascular surgeon reported that "everything went exactly as it should have."

I'm feeling pretty good considering they cut me open yesterday. Most of the pain is in my right shoulder. It feels like I did about 300 shoulder raises using 100 lb weights. Immediately following my pretend "workout", then Marcus punched me as hard as he could in my right shoulder.

Certainly, the pain is not unbearable (especially compared to abdominal surgery)--but I'm certainly not comfortable either.

The doc says that I should be pretty much back to normal in about a week. Until then, Marcus is opening and closing my car door for me, just as a proper gentleman would do all the time. :)

I consider any uncomplicated surgery a miracle. And I'd been kinda freaked out about surgery all week, and then woke up the morning of the procedure feeling a peace that transcends all understanding which could only come from God. Thank you all for your prayers.

Love,
b

Hi All!
Just a quick note to say that I'll be heading in for outpatient surgery tomorrow to get my port put in.
Please pray that the procedure goes smoothly and that I can heal quickly from it. :)
My doctor's name is Bryan Lange, and he is a vascular surgeon. We saw him on Monday, and are so pleased that he'll be doing the surgery. We liked him so much that Marcus and I did high 5's on the way out of his office. He came very highly recommended to me from my nurses, an contradicted several of the things the first doctor had told us were "truth."--just further confirmation from God that we are now in the right place.
The funny part of my story is this: I returned from my workout class yesterday morning to discover I had a voice mail message on my cell phone.
I called the woman back.
She explained that she was from Swedish Hospital patient registration, and she was calling to pre-register me for my procedure on 10/27.
I interrupted and said, "Wait! I that this coming Thursday? Like, in two days?" She replied, "Yes. It's two days from now."
Me: "Um, I'm sorry, ma'am, but what procedure am I having done on Thursday?!"
Her: "It looks like you're having a surgical procedure with Dr. Lange."
Me: "Oh, that's great! I just hadn't heard from the doctor's office yet." (I had been in and spoken to the doc about the procedure, but hadn't spoken to their scheduler yet.)
Just then, my home phone starts ringing. It was the doctor's office calling to let me know that they'd been able to squeeze me in and that I'd be receiving a call from the registration lady soon. I let her know that they'd already called.
The nurse and I broke out laughing, and she said, "My! Aren't they efficient?!"
I chuckled, and said, "Yes, it's the most interesting way I've found out about surgery so far!!"

Just another comical adventure in the land o' medicine.

Hugs to you all.
B
Sent from my iPhone

The past couple of weeks have been trying, to say the least. Immediately upon returning from California, I came down with the stomach flu. If you can imagine, it was awful. My normal days include puking and sometimes crying from cramping and pain. With the flu, I got dehydrated twice as fast, and went back to just puking my own stomach juices--without eating or drinking a thing. I was forced to pop pain pills one night, which I really don't like to do, and didn't really venture off the couch for a week.
Also, I am still in need of a port. A port is permanent access to your veins. Its a long, thin tube that goes in the lining of the vein, keeping it open, and then a small plastic part (about an inch long) gives access to the tube. The funny part of this story is that last week or maybe two weeks ago, I was sent to a Dr. F in the Vascular Surgery Dept of the hospital. After having a venous ultrasound, and a long consult visit, I was placed on his surgical schedule for 10-27--until yesterday afternoon when I received a phone call from him.

The gist of the conversation was that he thought I ultimately needed to get a port put in. He just didn't want to do it. His reasons varied from, "I don't think you really need one, even though it seems like it's medically indicated," to several alternative abdominal ideas--most of which included surgery or naso-gastric feeding. All of these things the GI docs have already tried, and I haven't tolerated--except for the one surgical procedure that he recalled being done "about 30 years ago"--which they have since stopped doing because it didn't work. I was irritated by his suggestions to say the least. Why does he think he's such a genius--able to solve my 14-year-old intestinal problems after talking with me for an hour?!? Sheesh.

So, I have an appointment with a new vascular surgeon. Although Dr F works in the vascular surgery department, he was only a general surgeon. Ugh. The silver lining of this story is that Dr F will not be touching my subclavian veins. Ever.

So, my next consult is on 10/24-with hopefully a surgery on 11/1. I'll be sure to keep you posted.:)

One of my great friends shared this lesson with me the other day...
"Try to stop yourself when your thoughts get too far into the future. When that happens, you are no longer thinking of the strength that God will give you to get through that difficult situation--and you don't factor in the provisions that He will make for you between now and then."

The lesson was amazing, and I'm doin' my best to stay in the moment, to live in the present with the grace, strength, and wisdom that God provides now.

Hugs and love,
B

For some reason the end of my blog post didn't post last night. So, here it is:

Medically, I am hanging in there. This past week, my GI doctor had to turn down my pacemaker because I was getting shocked too often. Basically, I got shocked every day, all day long for 5 days--until I was completely miserable. So, he turned it down.

I'm also getting two IV infusions a week to keep my dehydration at bay. It's working nicely, but each time they hook me up, my veins are blowing--which is as painful as it sounds. The nurses and doctors have suggested that I get a port put in sometime in October.

I think that's all for now.
Hugs, Brelin

This is the fortune cookie that I opened about a week ago. It was right!! We are in LA visiting some friends, Andy and Heather and their two kids.

We are having an amazing time so far!! We've enjoyed Knotts Berry Farm, Beach camping near Santa Barbara, and shopping in cute boutiques. Mostly, we are laughing our butts off with them.

This is a shot of Marcus on the coast, looking out over the water. We had a wonderful time with the Johnson clan (my dad & step-mom's family). We shared a house in Westport for the weekend, and enjoyed some nice days on the beach, throwing the frisbee, playing games, and lots of catching up. It was a great time.

16 days.

I just got an email from someone who reminded me that it's been 16 days since my last post... so here I am.

Here's a not-so-quick run-down of what I've been up to since August 22:

1. Marcus and I went on a backpacking trip to Rachel Lake. To get there, you take the Lake Kachess exit off of I-90 (near the summit of Snoqualmie Pass), and then you drive to the trailhead. From there, it was about a 4-ish mile hike, with all the elevation gain in the last mile. Ugh. I was tired, but I made it. About half-way through I asked Marcus, "Are you proud of me for still tackling adventures like this." He answered honestly, as always, and said,"I guess I'm a little proud, but mostly I just think you're crazy." Thanks for your support, honey. :) Tee hee!! I've included some photos for you.

This is a photo of Rachel Lake, itself. We hiked up a ridge, around the lake a little ways to take this one.

Another shot on the ridge, looking the other direction.

Some really weird flowering plants. Anyone know what it is?

And another shot of Rachel Lake.

2. Another fun activity that we did was... we went golfing at the Enumclaw Golf Course. It was really fun, and I even got par on one of the holes. By the end of our round of 9, I was hitting it much better, and had two amazing chips onto the green, just a couple of feet away from the hole. It was awesome, and sunny the whole round. Bonus!!

3. We also went to a wedding this past weekend for one of my past students from Sammamish Hills youth group. It was our second wedding of youth group kids this summer. Yikes. I'm not sure how I got old enough for them to be getting married. Alas, the wedding was beautiful, and I got to see lots of fun friends.

Flashback from the first middle school mission trip to Yakima: Barb, Kristin, Kate, and me.
From the second Yakima Mission Trip: Barb, Kate, me, & Lacey

My hottie husband & I.

4. My last big event happened yesterday evening. My sister-in-law, Tammy & I took her daughter Maya & a friend to see TAYLOR SWIFT!! Maya is in love with Taylor, and so we were all super excited to see her. The concert was amazing, it was the most beautiful show I've ever been to, with all of the costumes, sets, and lighting. It was great!

Here's a photo of the 4 of us

Maya and I

5. Besides all of the fun that I've been having, my health is slowly seeming to improve. I'm still needing to get IV fluids twice a week, but that has kept me from passing out and having a good time. (clearly.) I've had a low-grade fever for the past two weeks, and so was prompted to go to the GP (family doctor) to get checked out. After a significant work-up of blood and urine, there is still no answer as to why I'm running a mystery fever. The doctor thinks it may just run it's course, or perhaps it already has? I'll have to keep you posted on that.

Thank you for your continued love and support. And thank God for blessing us with amazing weather in the Seattle-area these past few weeks. We've been driving the Jeep with the top down, enjoying the car since my father-in-law broke his foot, and so has loaned it to us in Enumclaw until he can drive again. Poor Jim, but yay for us.

Hugs and love,

b

zumba, and other horrific tales.

I'll start the post with some more pictures from Kwajalein, our tiny island in the South Pacific that we visited in May.

Sophie & Uncle Marcus

Marcus & I on the empty beach
(we were the only ones there almost every day)

An amazing sunset.

Sea Glass collected from Glass Beach.
(this was just one bag we came home with. you can collect this same amount everyday.)
I found yellow, but Marcus found a large piece of red. Both are rare.

And now from our current life:
We've continued to have a lot of fun lately. I guess it's good that even though I'm not feeling any better, it's not impacting my ability to have a really good time--or at least try really hard at it. :)

I've been having to go in for weekly or bi-weekly IV therapy treatments lately. The nice part about this is that hospital in Issaquah is open now, so I can just drive there instead of having to go to downtown Seattle. The IV therapy has been staving off the fainting, kind of-- I haven't actually fainted again, but I do end up having to lay down in a lot of weird places...fitting rooms, in the locker room at the gym, walking to the park, etc. It's a little humbling (read: embarrassing), but something I can get over. The bizarre part is that I'm doing well on my electrolytes (better than ever, actually), and my weight is up a marginal amount, most likely from the twice a week fluids.

One other lesson that I'm learning is one of keeping my mouth shut. There is an interesting phenomenon that happens at public bathrooms after I've just puked. Normally I'm pretty quiet, but sometimes it's too painful and hard to muffle the noise, so I just vomit. There is nothing delicate or dainty about vomiting, and certainly in that moment, it's clear to everyone what just took place in my stall. When I emerge from my stall being the size 00 that I am, I get some pretty ugly looks from other women. It is in these moments where I want to scream, "Don't judge me! You don't know what horror I'm going through. I have a digestive disease!" Ugh. So, instead of yelling at these women, I'm doing my best not to judge others. I figure I'd like people to give me a break, and I'm sure others need one too. Lesson #359 learned. Thanks, God.

My gastric pacemaker seems to be causing problems, yet does seem to be helping on occasion. If I only drink liquids, I can sometimes keep them down now that I've got my device turned up to 2.6. Although now that it's at 2.6, it's been shocking me almost every day all day long. Just in the last day or two, I haven't been noticing it as much. Hopefully this means that I've gotten used to it. :) I'm thinking of having them turn it up again soon, so that I might feel incrementally better? I'm not sure if this is reasonable thinking, but if I'm getting shocked already, it might as well be for a good cause. :)

Marcus and I have decided to stay in Enumclaw for another year. We've been going around and around, dragging our feet about making a decision about whether we should continue to rent out our condo in Sammamish for another year, or if we should move back into it. We ended up deciding to stay out in the boonies for one more year. We're hoping that in a year we'll have a more clear vision of where we'd like to "settle down"--whether that's back in our condo in Sammamish, or somewhere else entirely, I've got no idea. It's nice to have that decision made though, and now we don't have to think about it for another year.

He and I are going to head out on a backpacking trip on Wednesday. We'll just be gone on one overnight, and mostly Marcus will be carrying all of the heavy things. I'm so excited to be going on a hike again, and I've been "training" so that I'm strong enough to go. I've been doing some light weight lifting and Zumba classes, and a little running. For those of you who have seen me dance, you can imagine me doing Zumba and laugh. It's hilarious. But, I break a sweat each time, and it's so much fun to do a cardio class that doesn't leave you bored. I've also been enjoying a "body pump" class, which is weight lifting in an hour. Super fun. Anyway, Marcus worked out with me the other day, and deemed me ready for the hike. I'm so excited.

I think that's all for us. We've been enjoying going out on the boat with friends, and it seems that summer has finally arrived in the Seattle area. It's not crazy hot, but sunny enough that we've been able to take the boat out with friends several times.

Marcus and I are doing really well. We seem to be falling in love more and more with each new day. This trial (my health) has been such a long, arduous battle--but Marcus encourages me to fight with such grace and tenacity. We have been having so much fun together lately, staying up late laughing, chasing each other around the house just being silly... it's so refreshing to be so much in love, even in the middle of our 6th year of marriage. I'm so blessed to have a hot fireman husband who loves me so much.

I am so thankful for all of your prayers, love, cards, and words of encouragement. Lately, I've been feeling God's peace so strongly in the midst of this battle, and I feel such strength to "keep going" even though things are disheartening and seemingly a little hopeless at the moment. I trust that God's got this part of my struggle in His story for my life too, and I continue to rely on the love and knowledge that, "He's gotten me this far, He's certainly not going to leave me now." And, isn't that so true?! He never does leave us. He will never forsake us. He's always right there, explaining away our pain, drying our tears, dusting us off, setting us on our feet again when we've fallen down...and when we turn to Him for comfort, He says, "I am with you always, to the end of the age. You are mine, and I love you."

I'm praying that YOU will feel that powerful love today and always.

b

better than last year! (phew.)

2010 Rismiller Family Vacation will forever remain etched in my memory, and in the memory of all the Rismiller's who watched me tumble down at the tennis courts. It was especially difficult for the nieces and nephews because they didn't understand what was going on. They simply thought that I was dying, as I went from cheering, "Go, Kids, Go!" during their tennis lesson to passed out on the ground at the park.

This year's family vacation went so much better. There were no medical malfunctions to speak about, except a minor hiccup at a Nike Outlet on the way home where I had to lay down in the fitting room. (but Marcus was there, and caught me in time.) I got fluids in the new Issaquah Highlands hospital the next day. :) I managed to enjoy biking, swimming, running, and even throwing a frisbee while at Sun River with the rest of the family. Marcus and I even rode a bicycle built for two, checking one of the items off my list of 33 things before I'm 33. We took a chairlift up to the top of Mt. Bachelor on a sunny day and hiked around, throwing snow balls, and playing on the big rocks. We even took a tour of a candy & ice cream factory in Bend (enjoying free samples, and then went on a white water rafting trip for a few hours!! I got to participate in all the activities without limitations! And I'm not feeling too terribly now, either. I just had to take a couple of naps along the way.

I didn't end up having the doc turn up the pacemaker before we left. There was a fiasco in communication, so I couldn't get there easily--and in the end, we thought it best to deal with what we know while we were away. I know that I can handle a week of puking. I don't know if I can deal with a week of rate 2.6 and puking. So, we thought it best to wait and have it turned up when we'd be around Seattle in case I can't handle the increased rate. So, I'm getting it turned up today at noon.

I think that's it for news. My puking seems to be a little better than before surgery. I think I keep food down longer, and so more is staying in (at least seemingly.) I haven't noticed an increase in weight, necessarily, but hopefully that will come in time. I still feel like I'm puking everything and all the time, so it's still just as frustrating as ever, but when I stop and reflect (like right now) I think things are staying down a bit longer then they were before. That's something, at least.

Please pray that I can not grow too frustrated with this thing. So far, I want to rip it out of my body on a daily basis. Mostly when it's shocking me. That's been more regularly recently (I think because I've been dehydrated. I'm still having to go in for weekly hydration, and if I miss even a couple days, I almost faint.) Anyway, I know that I can endure it for the 6 months of "trial" that I'm supposed to have. And then, beyond that... help me to know what God has for me in the future. I covet your prayers. All of them. :)

LOVE to All.
b

busy, with a chance of showers.

For some reason I can't write my blog entries from my iPhone. It won't let me type words into the informational area, and then it posts my empty entry. Clearly, it's user error--but I don't know what to do about it. I'm obviously just old, and to remedy the situation should just ask a 12 year old for help. :)

So, the latest on my health is this:
1. Overall, I am mostly unimpressed with the gastric pacemaker. I'm still vomiting all the time, I think just as much as I was before surgery--only now I have a huge lump in my abdomen where the stupid device sticks out, and I get shocked when near people's bluetooths.

2. However, I'm not getting shocked most days. I think I've gotten used to the sensation of it for the most part. I'm going to have Dr. Patterson turn it up again tomorrow, and see if that makes a difference in my digesting, now that I've gotten used to this current rate (2.0) I'm going to have him turn it up to the rate of 2.6, which is the rate that it was when they inititally put it in at, and was shocking me all the time. I'm hoping that it'll be okay now that I'm more used to the sensation of it all.

3. I'm still having a hard time keeping my potassium at a good level. My blood pressure also runs pretty low, and the combination of these two things lends itself to me fainting--not really stellar. I almost passed out again yesterday in Banana Republic with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. It always seems to happen when I'm shopping. Marcus says, "Maybe you should just quit shopping so much." Harumph. I think I'll just ask the doctor if I should increase my potassium supplements. :) I'm still having to get hydration therapy (2 bags of IV fluids) once a week. I'm also wondering if I should get a more permanent IV site (port) put in--especially if I need IV fluids each week. Last week they blew my vein getting my IV started... it swelled up as big as my wrist. (and I'm not exaggerating.)

4. We've been managing to have a great summer in spite of all these things, though. I've been camping twice now in eastern Washington with family. We just got back from a weekend with some good friends from college (& spouses) on Lake Chelan. We head out soon for a firefighter softball tournament in Wenatchee and then family vacation in Sun River, OR during the first week of August.

5. We've been out on the boat a ton in eastern WA, seeking the sun (as it's been FREEZING in SEATTLE!!)--and we're trying to make the most of the summer. Last weekend, I even went tubing behind the boat! It was awesome!! :)

6. My surgical stuff has healed completely. I'm no longer feeling pain from that, which is nice. I'm off the narcotics from that, and am just down to one pain patch to keep the edge off my abdominal pain. I've restarted a medication that seems to be helping me go the bathroom more regularly, which is good too. It's a little spendy, but the benefits far outweigh the cost--so we don't mind at all.

I think that's all. Sorry it's been so long in between posts. We've been busy, but are having a

written and failed

I've written and failed a couple of different blog entries since 6/24, but both of them have been so confusing when I read back over them before I went to publish them--I just clicked "close" and figured that you could be uninformed except by word of mouth, or an occasional facebook post. I've obviously been on too many drugs until now to say anything intelligent.

In my last post, I painted a rosy picture of how things were going. Immediately following that, the proverbial "poop hit the fan." The shocking, which I began to describe in my last post began to hit full boar. Most people, once they have the gastric pacer installed never feel an electrical pulse at all. However, because of my size and weight, and because I'm just "lucky" (please read my dripping sarcasm)I have abnormally thin abdominal walls--thus could feel the shocking constantly once I began to back off of my narcotic pain meds. It hurt HORRIBLY. Like, much worse than the vomiting ever did. Imagine the pain that you feel when you shock your friend from dragging your feet on the carpet. Now, think of that happening every 5 seconds in the same location directly under your rib cage. All day and all night, without a break of any kind. I was not pleasant to be around. ARGH. It was horrific. So, the doctor turned my pacemaker down after two days of that. ( I couldn't get there sooner because I was in Tri-Cities while Marcus was climbing Mt.Rainier--he made it to the top!!)

So, the doctor turned the pacer down, and I haven't been having as much pain since then. But, now I'm back to puking all the time--because it's turned down so far that it's like it's not even in there. Ugh. SO FRUSTRATING. So, I got really dehydrated and almost passed out again, and have had to get fluids weekly since then. But, before that I did get to go on a family camping trip, and hang with some friends in the Tri-Cities, so I've been having a good summer. Busy, full of sun, exhausting, full of puke, pain, and frustration.

I just went in to see the doctor again yesterday. He turned up the pacer again. I've only had one bout of shocking so far. Please pray that this trend continues.

Love.
b

the age of bionic brelin

I'm doing well overall since surgery. I've thrown up about 10-12 times total (which is a vast improvement), and I'm keeping down liquids regularly. The only "problem" comes when I progress past a full liquid diet. For those of you not well-versed in hospital lingo, "full liquid" means, low-fat, runny stuff that you can eat with a spoon. Like, things you could feed your 6 month old. I can tolerate cream of rice cereal sometimes, and frozen yogurt, but not ice cream. I haven't had a full glass of milk, but I've sipped a nonfat latte over a day, and that's stayed down. I don't really like Jell0, but I did have some yesterday and that worked out again. I also keep down some crackers, and once a low-fat string cheese. No success with any types of fruit so far.

The doctor has encouraged me to "be brave" and keep branching out, because I never know when something might work. And just because I throw up one time does not mean that I'm going to spiral out of control into vomit-palooza, where I've been residing for the past several years. The doctor has shared with me that it takes several months to feel the full benefit of the device, and so I should try to not be frustrated. So, I'm doing my best not to be afraid or frustrated.

Here are the answers to the most asked questions:
1. Can you see it?
Yes, you can see it. It's about 2"x 2"x.7" and sits in my lower right abdomen. (near my belly button.) Even if I gain weight, it will probably stick out more on this side.)
2. Can you feel it?
Up until yesterday, I would have answered "no"--but I think I can feel it now. I hope that I can get used it. It's hurting a little, but maybe it's just something else causing the pain.
3. How long is your scar?
They ended up not going laproscopically (making 4 small incisions) because of my extensive surgical history, so I have a now longer scar on my belly--they cut about 3-4" higher. It's healing well. I go see the doctor on Monday to make sure that everything is going okay, and that my labs look good.

Please pray for Marcus, as he is climbing Mt. Rainier this weekend. Pray for his safety, and the safety of those in his group. I'm over with my mom, soaking up the sun while he's away.

Thank you for your continued prayers, I have certainly gained my strength from them this past week and a half. It has been a long and arduous journey, and will remain so for a while, it seems. Please pray that the transition to solid food will be a smooth and easy one. And that I will know when and how to do that. Please give me boldness to try new foods and help me to know when to progress, and when to hold back.

this morning

I am headed off to surgery this morning, but wanted to post quickly before I list to say thank you for praying.

I had an interesting journey getting to "the table" this morning, which I'll have to catch you up on later, which included fainting on a main street in Seattle while shopping with my sister, an ER visit, and then fouled up numbers with my bloodwork leaving the surgery in the balance--but I'm thankful to be having surgery--and I'll be praying with you that this is the answer we've been waiting for.

Thank you for your love, support, and encouragement--and hopefully I'll be posting that I'm feeling great in a couple of days.

Much love.
b

home, and reasonably healthy

PICTURES FROM OUR TRAVELS,

and then a brief overview from our trip...

Gavin found a tiny Hermit Crab


Sophie & Auntie Brelin

Marcus & Brelin at the Kwajalein Yacht Club
(a building with a fridge of beer)

Sunset from Kim & Jon's Patio
(we ran outside from the dinner table one night to take the pic)

Brelin.
photo cred: Marcus
scenery cred: God

Sorry for that lame post the other day, I didn't mean to post it. But, I guess it's good that you knew we were alive. It was honestly all I could muster anyway.

Since we've been home, all I've really done is go to the hospital, get fluids, and then do laundry. I did see a friend for a couple of hours on one afternoon--and that was really fun!! But, I haven't even been down the street to catch up with my family. I've just been sleeping on the couch.

Our vacation was amazingly wonderful. It was paradise. Seriously paradise.

We feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to get away together for such a long time, to rekindle our love for one another; to remember that our life is about more than just shiny silver bowls filled with puke. We were reminded that we can be about more than just surviving until the next IV therapy appointment; about more than just the monotony of each stormy day in Seattle, and even more we can thrive through the stormy moments that seems to compound in our lives.

We were separately so worried about my ability to "survive" the trip, but I made it, and had a really wonderful time. I only had to go to the ER once while on Kwajalein, and the trip only cost us $220 (which is normally about $1200-2550 here), so that was a real blessing. We think that our insurance company will reimburse us for this too.

While we were in Kwaj, we had the chance to snorkel, lay on the beach, Marcus surfed & scuba dived, we ate dinner on the beach several nights, we had a couple of bonfires on the beach, we had worship in the chapel, we traveled to different islands (one by boat- Bigi and one by plane, Roi). We stayed overnight on Roi. I was able to keep up with most of the activity, and even worked out most days with Kim! I had a lot of fun snorkeling, and we even got to see a sea turtle! We got to go golfing, and we rode our bikes everywhere. There are no cars on the island, so you either ride your bike, walk, or run to wherever you're going. It's an amazing place. I'd move there in a heartbeat...except there are no GI docs there, so they won't have me. :) We stayed with Kim and Jon, Sophie and Gavin the whole time we were there, and they were wonderful hosts. I'll tell you about some of our adventures in more detail next post.

We are so thankful for our time together, so blessed that we could be together, to enjoy our time with each other, with family, and be in the sunshine!! We loved it--and it's nice to know that even if I'm not healed completely by this surgery, I can still be fun. God has given me life, and He has given me grace. And I'm so thankful.

Blessings to you all.

Hugs and love,

brelin

We're back!!

a quick post to say goodbye

These past few weeks have been tough...but I've been hanging in there. I've been getting more fluids than normal in preparation for our big trip. I've been going in about once a week to the Infusion Therapy Clinic (I get 2 Liters of fluids over 2-4 hours), and then this past week I went in twice! My period had stopped again, and my weight had dropped a lot again; my pain levels had been worse off than normal, but in spite of all of this, we are sooooooooooo excited to go on vacation!! To say that we are giddy to fly to a tropical island is the understatement of the year.

Just to give you an idea of how miserable the weather has been here, I will present example one: it snowed at our house just 3 days ago. Yeah, actual snow. In the middle of the day. And it stuck, on my freshly potted flowers. I was less than thrilled.

Tomorrow at this time, we will be in Oahu. And then the day after that, we will be in Kwajalein--where the air temp is 90 and the water temp is 85. I'm not sure if I'm ever coming home. Except that the doctors have promised surgery when I get back. So, I guess I'll be home in time for the hospital :) When is that again? June 13? Done. So I guess I promise to be home by June 13. :) Haha!!

Really, we'll be back around the end of May. Please pray for safe travels for Marcus and I, and that our vacation is without incident!! Please pray that I am able to keep fluids down on my own, and that I won't need to go to the hospital there at all. Amen.

Thank you for your love and hugs.
brelin

they said yes, and.... here's the rest of the story.

Sorry for the radio silence, race fans. I've posted a couple of facebook messages, and sent out a couple of text messages. But if you haven't called me, I probably haven't called you either. Sorry. I do appreciate your prayers, warm wishes, and certainly your congratulations. We couldn't have fought this battle without you--and it's not over yet. :) Fortunately, the ugly part with the insurance company part is though. phew. So, here is the deal. About a week ago, I received a phone call from a nice lady from the insurance company and she asked me a bunch of questions. She was not making the actual decision, but she was summarizing my case, and then reporting to the MD at the insurance co who would be making the decision on the second appeal. At the end of her questions, she said, "Is there anything else that you'd like to add?" I said, "Yes." I told her about how difficult my past couple of weeks had been, how I'd almost crashed the cars, how I was not able to stay at home alone because I was having trouble with fainting again, my pain was too much to bear, I was crying all the time, and I felt like I burden to my friends and family...blah,blah,blah..." Anyway, I told her how I've been really feeling. And in the middle of the conversation I burst into tears. I talked about how we've tried every medication, and how I'd been through every procedure known to man: feeding tubes, picc lines, tp, ppn, alternative drug therapies, naturopaths, and how it was so frustrating because nothing ever works. And that despite my good lab results, my quality of life should be taken into account when they are considering my appeal. I also asked that the insurance MD speak directly to Dr. Patterson (my GI doctor.) He's been wanting to do this from the beginning....so I'm not sure why this didn't happen until now...? Anyway, it was Dr. Patterson's speech that pushed them over the edge. The insurance company approved the 2nd appeal, and I have 6 months to have the surgery done. Since our trip to the South Pacfic is already booked, we decided to go through with it, and I'll be having surgery when I get back sometime the first week of June. We'll be gone most of May. The doctor has cleared me for the trip, and has told me to have a great time!! I'm going to be getting fluids before I go just to be on the safe side, and then I think we're going to try and mail some there just in case I need them once I'm there. My sister-in-law is a nurse, and there is also a hospital on-site in case I do have a problem...so, here I come amazing, sunny beach!! Love and hugs, and thanks for the prayers!! Keep 'em coming, this time for COMPLETE HEALING BY MID JUNE-- brelin

they said...

YES!!

please be praying.

The decision is being made regarding my appeal sometime in the next 72 hours. Please pray that they will say "yes." And that we won't have to move onto standing in front of the City of Renton board, because it won't even come to that. The MD from the Insurance Company will simply realize that my quality of life is poor enough that it's worth it to try the surgery. And that I can get surgery when I get back from the South Pacific. And that we will have an amazing time without incident while we are there, and that we won't have any medical complications whatsoever. And when we arrive back in Seattle, the surgery will be flawlessly executed, and I will be feeling a million times better. And I won't need medications any longer, and I won't be in pain any more. And I won't struggle like I do now. And we'll be able to have beautiful, healthy babies. Amen.

another day, another dollar?

Well, the main reason for no posting, I guess, is that there has not been anything really interesting happening. The past month has been full of good snow, so we've been doing lots of snowboarding and skiing at Crystal. We took a quick trip to the Tri-Cities, but were so busy the whole time we were there that we only saw family members. And then we got back, and I was so exhausted from the trip that I literally slept on the couch to recover for three days straight.

I have been having a hard time with depression lately. My mood is a difficult thing to conquer when I feel "stuck"--which is mostly what I've been feeling a lot of lately. We've had to completely back off of having kids, as we have learned that it's going to be IVF (in vitro fertilization), miraculous birth, or no baby for us. And, as far as the surgery for the gastric pacemaker goes, I'm sick, but just not quite sick enough. Let me explain...
The insurance company basically has 5 categories that you have to "fit" in, in order to qualify for the surgery. I am now sick enough in 4 of the 5 categories, but my heart is still doing quite well. Normally, I would think we could just celebrate that my heart is healthy and move on. However, the insurance company seems to think that my heart should begin to have problems before I warrant the surgery. Are you annoyed? Because we are.

Anyway, the latest and greatest news about the board meeting on the 24th of March was actually a false alarm, because we can't submit our case to them before we have exhausted all of our appeals with the insurance company. And we still have one more appeal for them to deny before we can approach the city board. So, again, we wait. And, wait. Ugh.

I did go in to see the GI doctor on Monday morning (two days ago), and had a nice chat with him. My bloodwork is off again. This time my liver enzymes are elevated and my potassium is low. Also, my kidneys have been hurting. I had a follow-up ultrasound yesterday to see what was going on with my liver and kidneys, and my exam was normal....so the elevated liver enzymes remain a mystery.

I did receive 2 liters of IV fluids with potassium and didn't have to pee at the end, so apparently I was a little dehydrated. I didn't even notice it...I guess that could have been causing the kidney pain for sure. *sigh* I'm feeling a bit better today after my fluids. Oh, and it's sunny and warm in Seattle today. YAY for vitamin d!! The best part of the trip to Seattle and the hospital yesterday was that I got to see my step-sister, Alyson. It'd been forever since we'd seen each other--so it was really nice to catch up. She's almost done with her dissertation and then she'll be DR. ALYSON. Crazy.

In other news, Marcus and I are going to the South Pacific! I can hardly wait!! We are going to visit Marcus' sister, Kim and her husband, Jon, and our niece & nephew in the Marshall Islands. We are SOOOOOOOOO excited. It's 85 degrees everyday and the water temp is about 75. There is surfing and snorkeling to do, and to get there you have to fly in and out of Oahu--so we thought we'd see the sights there, since we'd be there anyway. Marcus is beginning a scuba class next week just to prepare for the visit. We're so excited to see them, and to find the sun for so many days. We'll be on the island for almost 3 weeks, and then on Oahu for another 4-5 days... So. Excited. Woot woot!!

I think that's all we've got to report. We're thinking about getting a puppy when we get home. We're sort of becoming that stereotypical thirty-something couple who really want a child but might just get a dog instead to tide us over until the time is right.

Please pray that the insurance company does not deny this final appeal. Or that if they do, the city board will approve it. And if all else fails, we can find a nice attorney who will cover the case and be nice to us and figure out how to help us that way. Oh, and that after all that, the surgery will actually work. And that I'll be healed completely. Forever. Amen.

Thank you for your virtual (and real) hugs, for your cards, phone calls, facebook messages, emails, and all the ways that you remind me that you care. It really does help me remember that life is worth living, and that I'm not alone in this journey. I'm so blessed to call you my friends. (PS I'm crying in Starbucks as I write this. So embarrassing.) Anyway, I love you. And, thanks.

no surgery (again)

We just found out yesterday (for sure) that the insurance company has denied the appeal that we filed. They are going to do a medical peer review (where my doctor talks to the insurance company), but no one is really sure that it'll do any good.

The only silver lining in the cloud is that the City of Renton is actually the one who controls the pot of money that is managed by HMA (the insurance company). So there is some way for Marcus to work directly with the people from HR, and then theoretically they can override the decision made by the insurance company. We are also planning to contact a lawyer, and see if there is something they can do. We are definitely treading on new ground here, and I'm feeling a little backed into the corner.

I know that God has a plan, and that His plans are perfect. I totally get that He is fighting in the trenches with me, but I'm just tired of fighting. Why can't everyone just do the 'right thing' in this situation? Ugh.

Anyway, please pray for my bad attitude, and pray that my frustration subsides. I have been going back and forth between bursting into tears, and laughing about the dumb people that make decisions in our world. :)

On a cheerier note, Marcus and I are celebrating our 6th anniversary tomorrow. Time sure flies when you're having fun! It's also been more than 1/2 our marriage that we've been battling this stupid pukemonster. The good news is that we are more in love than ever.

Thanks for your prayers, love, and words of encouragement in cards and messages. We're thinking and praying for all of you too!

Love, b

no surgery.

We have no new information.
The insurance company has still not approved or denied the appeal. We are irritated, to say the least, but have not sought out any outside help (from attornies, etc) We're hoping that the insurance will make a decision soon, and my GI doctor though the best bet would be for us to somehow get the doctor at the insurance company to speak directly with my physician. He was hopeful that they'd hear him out, and then approve it. I'm not quite sure how to make that happen, but I'll sure do my best to figure it out. Beyond that, there is no real news with us.

My application has been deep sixed at the surgeon's office, but I was reassured that the minute we hear from insurance, the surgeon's office would get the surgery scheduled within a week or two.

The only positive news coming from all this waiting is that it's FINALLY snowing in the mountains!! Hopefully, I can go skiing and snowboarding when I'm not too tired/in too much pain/puking too much.
YAY!! :)

Marcus has been sick this last week with a low-grade fever, aches, super tired, and congestion. Please pray that I don't get it, as it would really wipe me out, and probably dump me into the hospital.

We're hoping to go on a trip to see some family in the South Pacific in May. We couldn't be more excited to see them and lay on the beach in the 80 degree weather. Awesome.

My book/devotional has 30 entries now. Be looking for it in your inbox before March 9 (which is Ash Wednesday) this year, and the beginning of Lent. :)

Hugs and love to all.
b

waiting...and waiting...and waiting.

So, I'm sure that many of you are aware of my quickly approaching surgery date of 02/23. That being said, I think it's almost time to give up on that date, and pray that the next surgical date might be a bit more meaningful. I spoke with the doctor again today, and the insurance company has still not made a decision on my case. They've come back to the doctor twice since last Thursday, asking for more lab work. I'd had it done, so they were able to send that information on to the insurance company again. The ball is back in their court, as we WAIT for them to make another ruling.

People often ask what I fill my days with. It's hard to explain, usually. I feel busy. Even when I'm too exhausted to get off the couch, my days are full and emotionally, physically, and mentally consuming. What am I doing, you ask?

Waiting.

I'm waiting for healing to happen. I'm waiting for that medicine I just took to kick in, hoping that it will bring some relief. I'm waiting to see how long it will take that glass of milk, or the hot tea that I drank, or the peas I tried, or the cereal I just ate to come back up. I'm waiting to see if it will be hours from now, or just a couple of minutes. I'm waiting to hear from the doctors about what to do next. I'm waiting for the nurses to call me back and answer my questions about swollen fingers and protein imbalances, about constipation, abdominal pain, and vomiting. I'm waiting to hear if I should go to the ER of if the infusion therapy clinic will do the trick this time. I'm waiting for the insurance company to finally figure out that I'm sick enough to have surgery. I'm waiting to finally be healed. I'm waiting for a child. I'm waiting to see if the housing market will improve. I'm waiting to see if I'll ever be healthy enough to return to work. I'm waiting to plan trips, and think about going back to school, and thinking about even one week from now, because I'm just not sure how I'll be feeling, or if I'll have enough energy to do the thing that I planned. Mostly, I'm waiting to feel better. Any kind of better. I'm waiting for the day that I can wake up and not hurt anymore. Or at least, waiting for the day when I don't vomit all day long.

I guess that's what I'm doing.

I'm sorry this entry is a little depressing. I'm not feeling depressed. I'm feeling optimistic about the future and all that it holds. I just wish we could get on with it.

I also think that it's absurd that an insurance company has the right and/or ability to decide ANYTHING about patient care. Since when does some bureaucrat have the authority to make decisions about MY HEALTH?!? Don't get me started... Ugh.

no news, really

I wanted to write to let you know that there is nothing really new with us.

I went in last week for another blood draw, and have not heard any results from that yet. My phosphorous and BUN was checked with this blood draw. BUN tests the amount of nitrogen in your blood, and your urea can either filter it well or not. If the BUN is high or low, it's indicative of a problem in your kidneys, in my case, most likely due to dehydration. They also checked my phosphorous. Low levels mean dehydration. High levels mean kidney failure. I'm assuming they think that mine will be low on both accounts. I'm not sure what they found, nor have I heard any more news about the appeal with the insurance company. And, so we continue to wait.

I'm not feeling like I need to be rushed to the hospital regularly, so that is good. We've been trying to get up to go skiing/snowboarding once a week or so. Marcus and I are doing our best to start eating more healthy foods too. I'm trying to quit having "candy" as my main food group, and have gone back to yoga class after a two month break. Marcus is back to lifting weights, and I think it's safe to say that we're feeling a little better. I'm still puking all day, but now more nutrient dense foods. Hopefully that is good overall. :)

We're off to Whistler for the weekend with some friends. It should be lots of fun.

Thank you for all your prayers, love, emails, and cards. It's nice to know that so many are still praying 3 1/2 years later.

We treasure your words of encouragement, and pray along with you that this nightmarish journey will be over soon.

I'm loving Psalm 5:1-2 the last couple of days:
Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament.
Hear my cry for help, my King, and my God,
for to you I pray.
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning, I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

I know He hears them all, and pray along with you that His answer comes quickly.
brelin

hanging in there.

I'm feeling a lot better emotionally about everything today. We had put so much hope into this surgery quickly ending the physical pain that I've been enduring, but apparantly God had a different time table that He's working on.

Yesterday I was able to go skiing with our family (& friends, Jon & Tammy). I made it about 4 hours, which was awesome. It was super sunny, clear skies, and we got to see Mt. Rainier, Baker, Adams, & Stuart. It was gorgeous and lots of fun to get off the couch.

The other day I couldn't stay awake at all. I only managed to stay awake for about an hour at a time, so it was nice to be able to get out and feel okay for a couple of hours. I'm still not really sure if I'm fighting some kind of virus, or if I'm just worn out from life.

I'm going in for more bloodwork today, and my GI doctor is working with the medtronic staff (who make the gastric pacemaker device) to get going on my appeal process to the insurance company.

They have re-scheduled me for surgery on 2/23, pending insurance approval. And so we wait again, hoping that this is the door God is opening, and that THIS is the time that He has ordained for healing.

I'm holding on to these verses in James 1:2-5, 12. I hope they'll be a blessing to you as well...
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

another bump in the road

I just got off the phone with the insurance company.
They have denied my claim.
"It is not medically necessary for you to receive gastric stimulator because you are not showing enough signs of malnutrition. It has been reviewed by the nurse and the doctor at the insurance company."

The next step is for us to write a letter of appeal, and for my GI doctor to also write a letter of appeal, stating why it is important for me to receive this surgery.

To say that I am feeling frustrated and discouraged would be the understatement of the year.

And my cries go up...

...How long, O Lord, how long?

02/07/11

That is the date that is currently set for surgery. The insurance company has still not approved the procedure, but the doctors are hopeful that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that we will be able to proceed with the surgery on that day.

On that date, the team of doctors will be placing a gastric neurostimulator, also called a gastric pacemaker. It seems that all things are coming together well for this to happen, and I am definitely looking forward to the surgery taking place.

The team of doctors will attempt to enter my belly laproscopically (with small incisions and a camera), but the surgeon doesn't think that he'll probably be able to complete the surgery that way, due to all of the scar tissue in my body. Scar tissue is often a bit like a spider's web, making it difficult to navigate through. It helps me to think of it like those scenes in Mission Impossible where they have those laser beam security systems and the bad guys are trying to steal the diamond. Just one wrong move, and the whole room erupts with noise as the alarm goes off. It's pretty similar to my guts--if they nick the scar tissue at all, things would be much worse--and infection could erupt throughout my abdomen. If they are not able to proceed laproscopically, the doctor will enter through the scar that I already have, and perhaps make it a little higher up, so that he can see my stomach really well to place the stimulator wires.

While they have me open, the surgeon is hoping to "take down" (aka: remove) scar tissue that might be causing problems throughout the belly. They are not going to make any incisions larger than they need to, but they also want to make sure that while I'm opened up that they don't miss anything important. There is also a chance that they will place another J-tube (like the one that I had in 07/08) so that I could do some tube feedings at night while I recover from surgery, and just as back-up in case I don't respond to the gastric pacemaker right away.

My pre-albumin levels are borderline low (normal is 20-40, and mine is 19). Pre-albumin measures your overall nutrition. They are planning to repeat my blood work closer to surgery, and then make the decision about whether or not I need the feeding tube placed again. If it is decided that I do need one, they will be able to place that at the same time as they are doing the other stuff. I'm praying that I don't need it, as it is very uncomfortable, and increases my risk of infection.

Please pray along with us:
1. That the surgery goes well, and that the surgeons will be wise, and their hands will be steady. We are praying that God will guide them directly to the things in my body that need to be fixed, and that He will use them in order to restore my body to full health.

2. That I will recover from surgery quickly and without incident--that there will be no complications, that I will get adequate rest in the hospital, that I will have a terrific care team with caring nurses and doctors, and tender-hearted, compassionate staff. We also pray that my pain will be managed effectively throughout my stay, and when I return home as well.

3. That this is the answer. On 02/07/11, it will have been 3 years and 5 months to the day since this horrific battle of daily puking has been raging on. But it has been 13 years since my story of abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting has been going on. Please pray that we can rejoice, and that my story might be one of miraculous healing and health restored completely.

4. Above all else, we pray that God's voice might be heard through my voice and that God's story might be seen in my story. We ask that God's faithfulness might be known throughout the world, and that many lives will be changed forever by the goodness of His love, and by the power of His mercy and grace.

We love you all, and covet your prayers. I'll be at Swedish Hospital for surgery, and my docs are Dr. Louie and Dr. Patterson if you'd like to pray for them specifically. I will be staying inpatient anywhere from 1-7 days depending on how quickly I recover from surgery, and what kind of things they end up doing while I'm in there. We welcome hugs, prayers, and visitors. We'll try to keep the blog updated as well.

Hugs,
b

poop- no longer taboo

In the land of gastrointestinal problems, lots of things are no longer disgusting to talk about during dinner--and daily, it just seems natural to update one's spouse and immediate family on the bowel movement of the day--or month.

Without further ado-do (ha!), I am pleased to report that I finally went to the bathroom. I finally went #2 for the third time in a month. My body is very crampy, and still feels incredibly full (I've had weight gain this month, but the docs have attributed it to not going.) To finally go, even a little, is so refreshing. Thank you all for praying when you received my slightly disparaging text message.

It seems that the insurance company has still not managed to get their act together and approve my surgery--so, we wait. I had my pre-op appointment last Wed, and the surgeon seems very nice. He's done this surgery before, so while it is new to Swedish Hospital, all parties in the operating room have had some experience. And so we wait. The docs are now hoping surgery can take place either 2/2 or 2/7, depending on the insurance company and when they make their decision.

I've had a little more energy the last couple of days, and got to go up skiing yesterday. This morning it's sunny, and so I went for a jog with Marcus. It's nice to not be curled up on the couch all day long. I've also been working on writing my devotional, and hope to have it ready to test drive for family members & close friends at Lent. I've gotten to see lots of friends lately, and have appreciated the grace that everyone extends to me as far as being flexible when I'm just not feeling good and have to bail at the last second.

I think that's all for today. Please continue to pray that the insurance company moves quickly on their "yes" decision, and that the surgeons will have great wisdom, and work with no complications during surgery. Please pray that my recovery will be complete, and my health totally restored. I'm pretty sure God can handle all that. :)

Sending hugs your way--
b

the update

Well, it seems that your prayers may be working. (FINALLY!!)

The doctors have gotten all their ducks in a row, and are currently working on bugging the insurance company until they say "yes" to the surgery. The hospital board approved the surgery, and I have a pre-op appointment on this coming Wednesday, and will hopefully go in for surgery on Jan. 24 or 25. (YAY!!)

Please pray that this surgery is the answer. Lately, I've been feeling a little anxiety about this procedure. Marcus and I are not worried that the surgery will go wrong, or that something might get worse, we're just concerned that I might not improve--leaving nothing to hope for. Please pray that we can trust God implicitly that THIS is the answer.

Pray for immediate healing, and the opportunity to see God's hand in and through this entire process.

I've been doing a bit better the last week...I've been able to get off the couch, and even went skiing one day with my nephew, Marcus, and his dad. We had a great time!!

Thank you for your love and support, and hold us tightly in prayer.
brelin

mini health update, and a little good news

Hi All,
This past week has been a good one for me in the grand scheme of things. THANK YOU for your faithfulness in prayer, as I have totally felt God's presence much greater, which has, in turn, given me the strength and hope that I needed to get out of my medical (& emotional) funk.

The past couple of days, I have had much better energy, and I even went SKIING yesterday with my nephew,Garrett; hot fireman husband, Marcus; and my father-in-law, Jim. We had so much fun, and my little nephew was kickin' butt on the mountain, doing an amazing job skiing. :)

I don't have much to report health-wise. My dizzy spells seem to be less frequent at the moment, which has been a welcome relief for me (and my family too. :)) I am not feeling like I need to have someone with me at all times for safety (phew). The vomiting continues, and my fluids are running a little low, but I feel like I've made it through the really "rough" patch for now.

The good news for the day: My surgery was approved by the hospital board! (praise God!), so now I'm just waiting on my insurance company to approve, and then we can get the gastric stimulator hooked up in my guts.

Please pray with me:
1. I'm going to be praying long and hard about getting another J-tube (feeding tube to my intestines) placed at the same time as the stimulator is put in. I absolutely HATED that tube, as it was painful to receive the tube feedings, and it was just uncomfortable to have sticking out of my body...mine ended up ripping out multiple times, but didn't come all the way out--just enough to hurt really bad. Please pray that God will make it completely clear to me about what I should do in this situation. Let Him know that I'd prefer to learn by someone just telling me, as opposed to making me sicker to help me figure it out. :)

2. That the insurance company says "yes" to the surgrey soon.

3. That I can continue to feel good enough to keep doing fun things (like shopping, skiing, yoga, and working on my devotional.)

4. That we can find a home church out here in Enumclaw to get connected and find some fun friends. (we are still loving living out here, but would also love to meet some friends that live close)

5. Also, please pray for our friends, Nancy and Kendyl. Both have cancer (kendyl-in the last phases of chemo, nancy-just beginning the process). Please pray for peace, rest, energy, minimal side effects and miraculous healing. :)

Thank you all for keeping up with me and my life. We covet your prayers, and I adore the encouraging notes that you send!! They really do perk me up. :)

Love.
brelin

specific prayers

Hi All,
It's been a rough 48 hours to say the least. I'm doing my best to manage my pain at home, as I REALLY don't want to be admitted to the hospital. I know my limits, and I'm currently teetering on the edge of needing to go.

My spirit is weak, my body is exhausted, but I'm doing my best to keep a rosy outlook on a situation that seems a bit hopeless at the moment. I told Marcus we should book a trip somewhere warm, so that I have something positive (and sunny) to look forward to. My mom has encouraged me to get back into my writing, as that will give me something to focus on instead of feeling like garbage all day.

I go see the doctor again this afternoon, and hopefully my lab work will show exactly what is amiss in my little body.

Here are the things that we are praying for specifically:
1. The hospital board at Swedish approves the gastric stimulator (pacemaker) surgery asap.
2. That my insurance company agrees to the surgery asap.
3. That my pain gets under control asap, and that I am able to maintain (or improve) my current level of health, so that I can avoid being admitted.

Thanks all,
b

a rough new year

I am exhausted.

Since my procedure on 12/23, it's been nothing but complications. I developed a "cord" in my right arm, which means that my vein is puffy, swollen, and bruised. My body is trying to heal it by sending little guys to eat at the clot, which is making it hurt worse...but all in the name of "healing" so that's good, I guess.

I've had to receive IV fluids twice (once on Friday, and again on Monday) because I've fainted/tripped/collapsed three times in the past week. I've managed to fall face-first all three times, landing on my right knee and left hand. Poor little knee is tired, and bruised... but hanging in there. No broken face, limbs, and otherwise safe and sound.

The problem with receiving the IV fluids, is that this past time (Monday) I've had some kind of reaction where my body is retaining all the fluids, and I've puffed up--my face, my fingers, my legs--all swollen and puffy.

I'm having trouble moving my bowels as well, and despite the use of laxatives, I'm still not going.

Oh yah, and my vomiting is no better.

Ugh.

Yesterday, I couldn't muster any strength, and didn't want to fight to go on.
This morning, however, God has granted me enough strength to keep fighting. I have been given the opportunity to live this day, and I'm going to do my best, seeking out joy in each moment, in spite of my stupid body.

I've spoken to the doc, we have each other on speed dial now, and I'm trusting that God is working through him to heal me. I've escaped admittance to the hospital so far, and I'm hoping that trend can continue throughout this new year.

Please pray that I de-puff, that I can go #2, that my veins are healed, that my vomiting stops completely, and that I have the courage and strength to return to full health. I know that God is capable of outright healing, please pray that my spirit is willing to receive it fully. And please pray that He's ready to do it.

I love you all, and happy new year!
b