a rough new year

I am exhausted.

Since my procedure on 12/23, it's been nothing but complications. I developed a "cord" in my right arm, which means that my vein is puffy, swollen, and bruised. My body is trying to heal it by sending little guys to eat at the clot, which is making it hurt worse...but all in the name of "healing" so that's good, I guess.

I've had to receive IV fluids twice (once on Friday, and again on Monday) because I've fainted/tripped/collapsed three times in the past week. I've managed to fall face-first all three times, landing on my right knee and left hand. Poor little knee is tired, and bruised... but hanging in there. No broken face, limbs, and otherwise safe and sound.

The problem with receiving the IV fluids, is that this past time (Monday) I've had some kind of reaction where my body is retaining all the fluids, and I've puffed up--my face, my fingers, my legs--all swollen and puffy.

I'm having trouble moving my bowels as well, and despite the use of laxatives, I'm still not going.

Oh yah, and my vomiting is no better.

Ugh.

Yesterday, I couldn't muster any strength, and didn't want to fight to go on.
This morning, however, God has granted me enough strength to keep fighting. I have been given the opportunity to live this day, and I'm going to do my best, seeking out joy in each moment, in spite of my stupid body.

I've spoken to the doc, we have each other on speed dial now, and I'm trusting that God is working through him to heal me. I've escaped admittance to the hospital so far, and I'm hoping that trend can continue throughout this new year.

Please pray that I de-puff, that I can go #2, that my veins are healed, that my vomiting stops completely, and that I have the courage and strength to return to full health. I know that God is capable of outright healing, please pray that my spirit is willing to receive it fully. And please pray that He's ready to do it.

I love you all, and happy new year!
b