mentally--awesome. physically-meh.

I've been enjoying lots of fun times with friends lately. I've been making it a point to get out of the house to see people each day, and trying to branch out into new fields of self-discovery. The pictures above are from the tulip festival this year, which I went to with my friend, Alicia. It was beautiful.

This past weekend, I ran a 5 K with Marcus!! That is 3.1 miles. I was able to run the whole way, and didn't even puke until the bushes at the end of the race. It was tons of fun, and it was the "Top Pot Doughnut Dash", so they served donuts at the finish line. Epic.

Over the past month or so, I've been really struggling with depression. I've been frustrated about my health, discouraged by the lack of progress that I've been making, and that ultimately I have no control over how I feel physically. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, and getting annoyed that I'm still vomiting, I've been trying hard to work on finding joy in each day. Lots of people have been praying for me, and I'm really feeling much more optimistic about life as it's going now. I'm doing my best to laugh more, read more uplifting books, and tackle new activities with a spirit of tenacity.

Here are the things that I'm excited about this spring/summer:

1. Ballet. I signed up for a beginning adult ballet class. For those of you that remember when I was 5, I had a brief stint with ballet then. I attended class as a childhood chub, and every time I curtsied, I would tip over. It was hilarious, and makes a great story now. Anyway, that led to my soccer career... which clearly worked out better through high school and college. :)

2. Tennis. I'm taking some tennis lessons. I've been learning with Marcus, and my brother-in-law, Jon, but I thought I'd get some more instruction as well. Hopefully, I'll enjoy it more when I can hit it a little bit better.

3. Volunteering more. I'm looking into "wish granting" for the Make A Wish Foundation, which is a lot of behind-the-scenes emailing, calling, and coordinating. All of these things can be done from my house, with my puke bowl next to the computer screen. Perfect. I'm also checking into volunteering at the Children's Hospital once a week or so. I'm a little nervous about making a weekly commitment to something, but I think it'll be a good experience.

4. Dog? Despite my fiercest efforts, I have not yet convinced Marcus of our need for a dog. He believes that we have a need for a house with a backyard, and then a dog. I think we should just go for it. The only thing that's holding us back is that we just put in new carpeting. Ugh. Not necessarily a good idea when trying to potty train a pooch. I'll keep you posted on this one.

5. Golf!! I've decided to embrace this new sport...despite my best attempts to avoid it in years past. I think this is something I can do, and learn to enjoy together with Marcus. I'll keep you posted on this new hobby...now all I need is some more Seattle sun!! :)

6. Sewing. I made my first baby quilt for a good friend. Here's how it turned out:

7. GOD. I'm going to do my best to be patient with His timing, especially when it's not really coinciding with mine. :) He knows what He's doing, clearly, so I need to just trust that all things will happen in due time. I'm still planning to contribute my 2 cents in my prayer life, but ultimately I'll try to submit fully to His perfect plan and His perfect timing. Phew.

hugs, brelin

one month later

I feel like a sinner for not writing more often... I'm so sorry that it's been almost a month since my last entry. I'm not busy dying or anything, although I have been to the ER a couple of times.

Here are the quick highlights from the past month:
1. Marcus and I just got back from a road trip to Palm Desert, CA. We stayed at a cheap hotel, using our friend's discount, while our friends stayed at a swanky resort in the town of La Quinta. We hung out with them the whole time, and enjoyed the use of the fancy facilities at their resort. It was genious. While we were there, I soaked up the sun, Marcus played golf, we had to view a LOT of birds (Marcus being a bird nerd), we picked gigantic lemons and grapefruits from the trees, and we went to Joshua Tree National Park. It was really fun. :) The funniest part of the trip, however, was on the way home. We started the day in Palm Desert in our shorts and flip flops, since it was 80 in the morning. We drove to LA to visit a friend, and then headed out on the trek home. Our GPS told us it may be faster to drive through Reno, NV, since we were headed to the Tri-Cities for Easter. We foolishly obeyed. In the midst of the SNOWSTORM between Sacramento and Reno, Marcus and I were still wearing our shorts and flip flops while people were frantically pulling their cars to the shoulder to put chains on their vehicles. It was ridiculous, but pretty awesome. We made it safely to Reno in our shorts, just much later than we'd hoped. :)

2. We had a great time in the Tri-Cities at Easter. We got to see the whole family, and it was fun.

3. I continue to vomit. It seems like my intestines have slowed down, and my pain is worse lately. I took a trip to the ER the other day because my feet were turning purple and I was really dizzy. The fixed me up with some fluids, some pain meds, and anti-emetics and I felt much better. That was the night before we left for Cali, and I really had to rally to make myself go. I'm glad that we went!! :)

I think that is pretty much all.
brelin

pictures

Marcus and I at the Hero Breakfast:

Pictures of the new ring:

my hero.

I have so many exciting things to report on that I barely know where to begin. I think I'll start with this morning and work backward.

This morning Marcus and 4 other firefighters were honored at a Red Cross Heroes Breakfast. He received this award for helping pull a man from a burning building in June of last year. The breakfast was really well done, and it was a great honor for those guys.

Marcus and I got back from the East Coast on Tuesday evening. We went to Baltimore, DC, and New York. We had amazing adventures there, and best of all, we got to hang out with my sister, Sarah!! There were so many awesome memories made, but the highlights include:

1. Marcus getting down on one knee and giving me a new, phenomenally beautiful ring while we were ice skating at Rockefeller Center. It was picture-perfect, and people even cheered for us. We celebrated our 5th anniversary while we were there!! :)

2. Seeing the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was big and impressive. Did you know that the face alone is 8 feet tall?

3. Getting to see Wicked on Broadway. It was really well done, and perhaps the best show I've ever seen. After that, Marcus and I went to a delicious little Italian restaurant and had a romantic dinner. The whole evening was awesome--except for when I fell out of my shoe, and faceplanted.... imagine Cinderella only much less graceful... ouch.

4. Exploring DC with Sarah & Marcus. We all feel a little more American after seeing all the sights in DC. My favorite part was taking a tour of the Capitol with Patty Murray's assistant. We learned a lot of phenomenally interesting 'America' facts. I feel like I may have upped my Trivial Pursuit game a little just by visiting. That may just be wishful thinking though.

5. Getting to see Sarah's favorite places in Baltimore. I got to meet her friends (who are super fun),

and see the places that Sarah frequents, including a really cool church that has a terrific gospel choir. We also went out to eat at amazing restaurants all over Baltimore. It was so much fun to spend time with her, and I'm so proud of her cute life there. She was a tremendously hospitable host, and the whole time was terrific!

While we were there, our friends had their baby boy. Congrats to the Finley's on the birth of Ty. :) We can't wait to meet him!

Before that, I had an impromptu birthday bash to celebrate my birthday. It was fun to see everyone, and I felt well-celebrated.

Health-wise, I remain about the same. I'm still vomiting daily, and not feeling much relief from anything. My bloodwork remains good, so I'm pleased about that. The trip was pretty good for me, health-wise, so I'm super relieved about that.

Phew. I think that's all. Hugs, love, and thanks for all the prayers!!

brelin

snow and exhaustion

On Monday night, Marcus and I returned from a really fun adventure to Holden Village. Holden is a retreat center in the middle of nowhere, kind of by Chelan. It was beautiful, and we really enjoyed ourselves. Marcus' parents invited us along, and we had a great time with them too. It being a really remote location, Marcus and I had been praying fervently that nothing would happen to me medically while we were away. Thankfully, God answered those prayers.



However, immediately upon our return.... (literally we were pulling into the driveway), I jumped out to run to the bathroom and throw up. This is pretty standard for me, so I wasn't too worried about it. This is when something went very wrong... Mid-vomit, I gasped for air, and somehow inhaled a chunk of something, which promptly made me start choking. So, I was still vomiting, and now choking. (NOT awesome.) I ran outside to get Marcus' attention so that I didn't die alone on the bathroom floor, and he asked, "Are you ok?" I shook my head "no." He asked, "Are you choking?" I nodded, "yes." He helped me into the kitchen, where I continued coughing and retching on the floor. Eventually, small amounts of blood starting coming up, because these actions were so violent... Marcus said to me, "I'm taking you to the ER." I gasped, "I don't want to go." He replied, "I don't care. I'm calling 9-1-1 if you can't make it to the car." He carried me out, and drove quickly to the ER. I arrived, still vomiting and gagging, choking, and gasping for air. They got me in promptly--I'd say it was my most dramatic entrance into the ER yet. :)

I'm still sputtering and vomiting, and they're trying to start my IV. Normally, no one can get an IV started, but this guy in the ER was a miracle worker. He got it on the second try, despite all my violent movements. They pushed vicodin and heavy anti-nausea drugs immediately, hoping to relax my system. Eventually, my coughing slowed down (this is about 30 minutes later.) My chest xray looked okay, and my lungs sounded pretty clear, so they think I must've coughed up whatever it was. The docs put me on antibiotics just in case, so that I don't develop pneumonia. ugh.

I've been feeling a bit better the last couple of days. I'm still really tired from the trip, and from my ER adventure, but I'm LOVING the sunshine that God's blessed us with the past couple of days. I'm hoping that this week will prove restful and fun!

Marcus and I are doing our best to trust that God's timing is perfect in all things.... And we're praying that healing is just around the corner. :)

Hugs, brelin

what i've been up to.

I feel like I've been really busy lately. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I'm awfully tired from doing it. :)

Marcus and I started the month of February snowshoeing. I got snowshoes for Christmas and was excited to try them out. Marcus, naturally, led us across a creek in snowshoes, where I had to bound from rock to rock in order to avoid falling in the water. This might seem like no big deal to YOU, but I have really poor balance, and get dizzy easily--so navigating the stream in snowshoes was quite a feat. I made it through our adventure alive, and didn't fall into any bodies of water, so I consider the trip a success. We had lots of fun, and I fell down a few times laughing hysterically in the snow. It was awesome.

I've also been baking a lot lately. Cupcakes, cookies, breadstickes, cinnamon chip scones... and they're all delicious. Oh, and I also made really yummy minestrone soup. This recipe redeemed me in Marcus' eyes, as the night before I had made Spinach and Artichoke Mac and Cheese. It wasn't awful, but wasn't good either. I know this because Marcus did not have seconds. The Minestrone soup, however, was a winner. He's had seconds, and even ate the leftovers yesterday. phew. :)

I went to watch some Eastlake HS girls do gymnastics this past weekend. It was awesome, and I'm pretty amazed at flipping. I mean, it's one thing to see kids on tv busting a move on the floor and the vault, but a whole other thing to see it live. I'm completely in awe of their talent, and am certain that I would never run as fast as I can to hurl my body at a vault. I'm fairly certain it would end very poorly.

I'm about to embark on my first solo sewing project. I hope it turns out well. If it does, I promise to post pictures. If it goes poorly, it might find a place in the trash with the mac and cheese. :)

As for a health update, there is not much new to report. I'm still vomiting, but I seem to be keeping fluids down, and some food is staying in occassionally too. I think I've been eating a lot more lately, in hopes of keeping more down. I'm not sure if this new approach is working, and Im about to give up from being so tired from puking all day long. I think soon I'll return to just drinking tea all day. :)

Hugs,
brelin

it is finished.

I mean, our condo is finished...we still have a tiny bit of touch-up painting to do, which I should hopefully be able to get done today. Everything else is done. Our windows are framed, our new carpet is in, the painting is finished, and all the door molding, and floor molding has been changed out. And, I think it looks awesome. Sorry the pictures are a little dark, but it's the best I could do working in Seattle in the winter. :)

From the living room, looking into the dining room/entry:

The living room (looking at the fireplace):

The dining room:

My new sewing area (in our bedroom):

I went on a little adventure to the Tri-Cities this past week, and had a blast visiting friends and family. I spent good time with mom & dad, and got to see several friends. I also spent lots of time on the couch, resting in the cleanliness. It was delightful. It was my grandparent's 57th wedding anniversary, and I was able to join them for dinner! Here are they are (at dinner):

I think the highlight was seeing my best friend, Aubrie, and her 3 kiddos. It's fun to see friends that have known you forever, and even though you're both pretty terrible at keeping at touch, you are caught right up the minute you see each other again. We giggled, laughed, and created lots of flower arrangements for Aubrie's sister's wedding. It was fabulous. The best part was going out to breakfast and catching up while surrounded by pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. mmmm. :) Here we are at the wedding with Aubrie's youngest, Nathan:Now that I'm home, and everything is put away, there isn't a ton to do. I'm still going to bible study, and still leading a group of young life girls in bible study too. I'm finding that I'm more tired these days, but doing pretty well overall. I'm consistently keeping fluids down, and sometimes food is staying in too!

Hugs to everyone, brelin

disarray

The last couple of weeks, we've been working on beautifying our house. While I'm extremely thankful that my husband is "handy" and can work on all these projects without having to pay someone lavish amounts of money to correct them; I am also very ready to put the furniture back it's proper location.
We're working on wood-wrapping our windows, changing all the baseboards and doorframes, and we also got new carpeting. These are all things that we were hoping to do before we sell our house in the future... and I thought we should get them done now, so that we can enjoy them for a couple of years before we move. I took some "before" pictures, and I promise to take some "after" pictures--just as soon as there is an after. :)
The good part about all of these projects going on is that I've acquired lots of new skills: spackling wood baseboards, caulking everything all over the house, using a crow bar to pry the old baseboards from the wall, and other really helpful things.
The bad part is that sometime in the midst of this chaos, I also got really sick and quit keeping down fluids for 3-4 days. I landed myself back in the hospital IV therapy for several hours getting pumped full of fluids. Apparantly, they injected magic water, because since then I am keeping down fluids AND some food. Thank you, Jesus. :)
My tummy health has gotten a bit better since the IVs. I'm still vomiting every day, just not everything anymore. I started acupuncture again, which is helping with my intestines a bit as well. I also learned that I have a hairline fracture in my sacrum (lower back), so I've been wearing patches of lydocaine to numb them and that's been helping. I'm also supposed to start physical therapy, which will help also. I think I may have fractured it a year ago snowboarding, and I just keep aggravating it. Either that, or I hurt it this summer when I was learning to pop wheelies. Regardless, it will be nice when it doesn't hurt anymore. Oh, and I got my pre-cancerous spot removed on my back, and now have another 2-3" scar. Lovely. I get those stitches out on Friday. Although my health is in total disarray, I'm holding it together reasonably well mentally. Prayers are always welcome.
All I can say is that I can't wait for my house to be clean. Seriously.

Happy 2010!

Happy New Year to everyone!! :)

Since my last post, there has been a bit of a Christmas debacle. Marcus and I did join the Weakley family briefly to celebrate Christmas with them. We arrived on Christmas Eve, went to church with the whole family, and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning feeling okay, so I did a Pilates workout in the living room and took a shower to get ready. I had just finished my hair, and was watching a DVD with Grandma, when I was blinded with horrific pain. I made it to the bathroom, and ended up doubled over on the floor. Marcus came in and took me to the ER, where we spent 5+ hours getting sub-standard care. The nurses were amazing, but the doctor was terrible. Ugh.

We made it back to my parent's house, where we quickly opened presents, and then Marcus drove us back to Sammamish.

I stayed the next day with Jim and Carol, and my pain was better that day, but I spent the majority of time in bed and parked on the couch.

Since then, my pain has lessened, although I still have a pretty rough time at nights.... but I'm hanging in there. Marcus, however, is currently on muscle relaxants, and had to call in sick to work. He woke up several days ago with horrible neck and back pain, which has progressively gotten worse each morning. I forced him into the doctor's office yesterday, and they prescribed him some meds to hopefully relax his back/neck. He lovingly chides me about how he "never had stress in his life until he married me." Thus, I have been deemed the root cause of his current predicament. :) (I think he was just tired of me being in the spotlight.)

Last night, our friend Kristin rang in the New Year with us. We had phenomenal plans about going downtown, but with my health & Marcus' health being what it was, we decided to stick close to home. We toasted with sparkling cider at midnight, and then went to bed. There is a photo of the painkillers with the sparkling cider which I did not include in this post, but thought it captured the moment beautifully.

We're hoping that 2010 will be full of fun and adventure, and that miraculous healing will take place any minute! We're so thankful that we have a God who loves us so richly, and blesses us abundantly with friends and family like you.

Hugs and love to all of you!

my new favorite thing.

This has been a busy week for us already. We've celebrated 2 Christmas' so far. We kicked off the Christmas festivities with the Rismiller Family Christmas. It was so much fun to play with everyone, and opening presents is always fabulous. I believe my favorite present that I opened was from my sister-in-law, Tammy. It was a decorative plate that is pictured above. It's not often that opening a present moves me to tears, but this one did. I LOVE this plate, and I believe it captures my life's sentiments perfectly. I hope to be dancing in the rain as long as is necessary. :)

The following day, we had the Johnson Family Christmas. We have new additions to the family, mainly Dave's fiance, Amy, and their adorable daughters, Piper and Scarlett. Above is Piper and me. The next one is Piper's sweet new kicks with her beautiful (and very fancy polkadot dress.) We had a terrific time together: laughing, telling stories, making and eating chicken enchiladas. Below is Aunt Judy & I assembling the enchiladas. And the last one is Scarlett and I together. Sorry you can't see her face, it's cute. :)

We'll be heading to the Tri-Cities in 2 days to celebrate Christmas with the Weakley family. It should be another fun adventure. Merry Christmas to all!

snow?

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas. I blame my mother for my love of this Bing Crosby movie, and actually made Marcus attempt to dance with me in the comfort of our living room to my favorite song, "The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing." I mean, if Danny Kaye and Vera-Ellen can do it, I'm sure we can too! Our dancing certainly left a little something to be desired and was less than elegant. However, it was really fun.

I digress. The point of this entry is about WHITE Christmas. It has been miserably cold here lately and it seems to be all for nothing. I love snow. I want snow. Why is this too much to ask for? I realize that I live in Western WA now, but it seems reasonable to ask for snow. Just last night, it was snowing in Puyallup, but by the time we made it home--there was nothing but rain. Lame. :(

I had a follow-up appointment with my GI doctor, and he has yet another new thing to try. I'm beginning to take a regimen of Cayenne supplements. It has something called capsacin in it, which is made from the hot part of the pepper. The idea is that the supplements will burn away the nerves that carry pain. So, I'm buring my stomach nerves with Cayenne, and then easing their woes with Aloe Vera juice. If nothing else, I am probably confusing my stomach/intestines enough that I'm shocking them into submission. I like the idea anyway. :)

Hugs and Christmas love to all.
brelin

botox shmotox and patience.

You may know already what I'm going to say about my recent botox injection, given the title of my entry today. :) Let's just say that I'm not horribly impressed with my recent botox procedure. I think that my pain is less overall, but I'm still managing to vomit like nobody's business. They injected the botox into several different sites in my stomach and small intestine, but it doesn't seem to have done much. Shoot. One piece of good news in my life is that I successfully made a pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving. This is a phenomenally delicious dessert that my grandma, Sarah, made each year for the holidays. However, she has recently become too tired to attempt this, so I'm doing my best to carry the torch--since my mom is too chicken to try. :) Above is a picture of my pumpkin roll. It was delicious, and the picture doesn't fully do it justice.

Also, we recently got our Christmas tree, and since it's arrival at our house it looks like Christmas exploded. We literally hiked for like 3 miles, stomping around the tree farm to make sure that we got the perfect tree. I think we managed to get it this year....it looks great in our house. Below is Marcus doing the heavy lifting. He's so funny!

And a ridiculous story from my life today to show how amazing God is.

This morning at church, we discussed "signs from God"--and what we can do about them. Ironically, I was not feeling good--tired, in pain, nauseated, and really wishing that I was at home, still in bed. However, I had gone to church anyway, thinking that it might be the right thing to do. I half-heartedly listened to the sermon on Luke, spending most of my time passing notes with Marcus about how I'm sick of being patient. I quote from my note at church this morning: "I hate being patient. I have to be patient about my health--and how I puke every freaking day. I have to be patient while I wait for healing. I have to be patient about our housing situation, and now I have to be patient about waiting to have kids. Hmph."

Fast forward to after church....where Marcus and I are waiting in line at Starbucks to order our drink, discussing our drink orders with one another. An adorable old lady (she was wearing a teal coat, walking with a cane, and had to have been at least 85) turned around and looked me square in the face. She said boldly, "You have to be patient today." I looked back at her, and I'm sure that my mouth dropped wide open. There was an awkward silence while she collected the rest of her thought, and she said, "You have to be patient waiting in line today."

Internally, my mind was racing 100 miles an hour. How did she know I needed to be patient?! We weren't talking about patience, or health, or anything...we were talking about the merits of peppermint hot chocolate... Once she turned back around to order her drink from the barista, I laughed out loud in amazement at God's sense of humor. Clearly, it was a sign about my need for patience, and I'm certain that this little old woman was a messenger from God to remind me.

Dear God,

I get it. Thanks for the sign; I'm not sure you could've spelled it out more clearly for me today. And I'll try harder to be patient even though I don't want to. :)

Love, Brelin

i'm thankful for...

Marcus and I decided early in our marriage that we would share the things we are thankful for early in the morning on Thanksgiving day.

Here's my list this year:
1. WELCOME BREAKS FROM THE NORM. I'm thankful for the months of July and September. JULY because it was a unexpected break from the vomiting and pain. I was able to run, jump, play, frolic and giggle with boundless amounts of energy. The time spent with Marcus was a reminder of why we married each other... it was not about sickness and pain, instead about being silly and cherishing each moment of adventure together. And I'm thankful for September because it was a fabulous month of weather in Seattle. Normally, we're heading into fall... which means a downward spiral into rain and gloom. However, this year September was filled with 8o degree weather and sunshine. It was glorious. :)

2. FAMILY. I'm thankful for Andy & Alyssa's engagement (yay!), for Sarah and her adventures of self-discovery, for Alyson & Rich that we can have fun even when we haven't hung out in a year. For my parents (all of them: Mark & Jane, Steve & Karen, Jim & Carol) that they're willing to share their advice when asked, to cheer us on in the midst of struggles and joyous times too, and for the endless amounts of love pour that they pour into our lives. I'm also thankful for all the Johnson's, Weakley's, and Rismiller's that we have so much fun together and that we all get along so well. :)

3. JOY. I'm thankful for the gift of JOY in the midst of struggle and suffering. This is a gift that comes from God alone, and He gives me the strength to get through even the most difficult days with laughter. It is amazing to be loved by a God who cares so deeply for me, and showers me with blessings of all kinds--strength, hope, and at times, healing. I know that He continues to heal my spirit each day, breathing new life into my broken body.

4. HOT FIREMAN. I'm thankful for my hot fireman, Marcus, who loves me more deeply each day, and truly embodies Christ's love to me. I love our wild adventures, our laughter, and that when I am too weak to walk on my own--Marcus lovingly picks me up and carries me. He comforts me when I am hurting, and prays for me when I need a reminder to reach out to the One who is the ultimate Healer. He is such an amazing man, and I love him sooooo much.

5. FRIENDS. I'm really thankful for my girl friends this year... for the ones who laugh with me and play with me even when I'm not feeling great. I'm thankful that I can cancel plans at the last minute, and they totally understand. I'm thankful that I don't have to "pretend" to be feeling good around them when I'm not. Thanks for loving me you guys, and I love you all too!! :)

6. MY GI DOCTOR. I'm also really thankful for my gastroenterologist, Dr. Schneier. I love that he never gives up on me, listens to me and my struggles, and always has something new to try.

This leads me to a brief medical update.... On Tuesday, I'll be going in for a botox injection in my guts. They do this during an endoscopy. The hope is that the botox injection will relax my intestines and stomach, causing the spasming to stop (and my abdominal pain to be lessened or relieved completely.) Hopefully that will decrease the amount of vomiting that is taking place as well. I've also started drinking Aloe Vera juice, which is supposed to help with my mast cells. One side note: aloe vera juice is disgusting, bitter, and generally pretty awful...(you can even taste its nasty flavor through orange juice!) but I suppose if it helps, I'll come around to the flavor.

Hugs and love to you all.
brelin

a new day...

It's Monday, and I'm hoping that this week will be filled with special reminders of God's love for those who need it.... for the tender touch of grace, and loving arms of God to be wrapped around those who need comfort.... and for a mighty healing touch to be felt in those who need it most this week.

We had a great night at Campaigners (our Young Life bible study) and the girls shared about so many people who are hurting right now, dealing with cancer, and grief. They even listened and prayed for me too. They're so awesome!! Thank you for each one of those girls. :) Lord, we ask that you surround those families we mentioned last night and give them the courage they need to get through their tough situations.

We love you, and we pray boldly for healing in the weeks ahead--especially for little Kendyl, who does have leukemia. We're trusting you for mercy and peace, a miraculous healing...

Amen.

kind of a rough week

It's been kind of a rough week this week. It started on Monday, when we got a call that Grandma Rismiller's health had taken a drastic turn for the worse... We made it to the hospital, and were able to spend the day with her. She was lucid for parts of the day, and could hear us some of the time. She was a woman of phenomenally deep faith, and it was an honor and a privelege to know her. She brought people together to hear the word of the Lord even as she was dying--at one point 8 of us were gathered around her bed to listen to the Bible and share communion together. She touched the lives of so many people with her faith and love, and I know that I am forever changed by the way that she modeled being a faithful follower of Christ.

Tuesday, I worked as a substitute teacher... which normally is very rewarding, but I found out early in the day that Grandma had passed away during the night. It was her 93rd birthday. The students were all very good, but subbing leaves me so exhausted. It exacerbates my abdominal pain and increases my symptoms, leaving me with lots of catch-up to play the rest of the week.

Wednesday I spent most of the day recovering. I was not feeling well at all, and I have been working on writing a personal letter to submit to the state for my disability claim. It has been much more emotionally draining than I would have imagined, working on this letter--I'm confronted again by all of the things that are wrong with me: with my health, and why I'm unable to work at the job that I am so passionate about-youth ministry. On a normal day, I don't dwell on all of my symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, bloating, sleeplessness, and pain. I try not to think about all that I have lost these last two years, on the pain that I feel each day from morning 'til night. I simply accept it as my life now, and do my best to continue on...not ignoring reality, but choosing to live joyfully in the midst of this challenge.

Today has been another day working on the letter. It's wearing on me emotionally, and I believe is compounding the sadness that I feel about Grandma too. In addition, today we found out a friend's little girl is in the hospital, and may have leukemia. She's only 2. Please keep them in prayer as well.

All in all, it's safe to say that it has been an exhausting week. I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. I trust that God will provide the strength to get through this time, as He always provides the grace we need. Please remember to lift up our friend's two-year-old in prayer, that she will be healed from whatever is ailing her. Give the doctors wisdom, and give her parents peace. We thank you, Lord, for the amazing life that Grandma Rismiller lived, and the awesome example that she was for us in life and love. We rejoice that she is in your presence now, and ask that you be with the rest of our family as we remember her life with joy and also with sorrow that she's no longer with us. Please give me boldness to speak the truth in my letter about my illness and the effects that it has had on my life. Be in the midst of the appeals process, guiding me through, and give compassionate hearts to the people making the decision on my case.

In Your Name,
Amen.

salt 'n' peppa

We went bowling on Halloween with some friends. Marcus and I dressed as Salt and Pepper....We had tons of fun with them hanging out, chatting it up, and watching Oregon smear USC in football before we started bowling...when I even got a strike!!! :) Woot woot! The pics above are us bowling in the black light and disco ball. Below is the dignified shot when we first got there.Yay!! What a fun night we had!!

three cheers for Darius Rucker!

It's been another busy week with lots of wild adventures!

Early in the week, Marcus and his brother Jon made a trek to get more miracle water from Glacier Basin. They hiked in the pouring rain and other miserable conditions, so I was told to be very appreciative when they arrived home with it. :) So far, I've been drinking it--but nothing miraculous has occurred. I'm going to be sure to have the doctor test some of the water if something good happens though. I'll be sure to keep you all posted.

I worked as a sub this week in an 8th grade Math/Science class, and had a blast. I really like the teacher of that class, and enjoy his "style"... so I always have fun with his students as well. Later that night, I tried to play soccer, rather unsuccessfully this time. I learned that teaching+soccer=almost fainting on the field due to low blood pressure. Okay, we'll know that now for next time. Marcus benched me at half-time, which was okay, because it was so cold & rainy that I just wanted to sit in the car anyway. :)

I'M DRASTICALLY CHANGING THE SUBJECT TO A MUCH MORE CHEERFUL ONE. BRACE YOURSELF....

I feel like last night all of my high school dreams were realized. I went to a concert with my friend, Alicia Gelles. We have known each other forever--since 4th grade or something. We went to a Rascal Flatts concert in Tacoma, and the opening band was Darius Rucker. The name meant nothing to us. However, when HOOTIE from Hootie and the Blowfish walked on stage and started singing, it was like a dream come true. Apparently, some time in the last 10 years, he's made a switch to country music and "changed" his name to his actual name. Weird. The best part was that he not only sang a few of his famous country hits, but he busted out the famous Hootie hits from the good old days. Alicia and I held each other close, our hands clasped and raised proudly in the air, swaying rhythmically to the music, belting out "Hold My Hand" as Rascal Flatts and Darius Rucker closed down the Tacoma Dome. It was a magical night--straight out of 1996.

larch trees!

My mom came to visit, and we got to see "Joseph" at the 5th Ave. Theater--it was amazing. If you have the chance to go, you should do it! The main reason for her visit was to come fix yet another bridesmaid dress. I am too short, and not the correct size to buy things off the rack. Shoot. However, my mother, (tailor to the poor) has done another phenomenal job of taking in, hemming, and generally rearranging my dress, so that I will look fabulous for the wedding in a couple months. Thanks, Mom!

Marcus and I went on another hike, this time to the North Cascades to a place near Blue Lake/Liberty Bell/Early Winter's Spire (I think those are the correct names). It was amazing, and I got to see larch trees for the first time. Larch trees are like pine trees, only the needles turn yellow and then fall off. We took pictures to show you this amazing sight. It's been raining for a week straight, but it didn't rain a drop on our hike. (yay!) The sun came out for our photo opps. :)

Beyond that, there's not much to report. I'm doing reasonably well lately... my energy level is pretty good, and my vomiting is only insanely bad a few times a week. My pain level was off the charts the other day for some reason, but after Marcus carried me to bed, doped me up, and then prayed for me, I finally fell asleep--I've been doing great since then. I'm still not sure what caused the disaster, but I'm glad that it's over. :)

Happy Fall to All!
brelin

something stinks.

I'd like to blame Marcus for the foul odor that is in our condo. However, I think it's something far worse than a human smell that he (or I) could have produced. It seems that whenever we turn on our bathroom fan(s) that a nasty smell comes cirulating into our condo. Delightful. Since we have had the really blustery winds the last few days, the odor has been significantly less. I think I can still smell it, despited the candy corn-scented candle that has been burning non-stop to mask the stench. Being the responsible and grown-up homeowner that I am, I have contacted multiple places, only to get the run-around about what to do. Can't someone just hook up a giant vaccuum and suck the dead thing (or whatever it is that is stinking) out of the exhaust vent? Is there no such thing as a giant vaccuum? I've called HVAC people and Duct Cleaners, and no one wants to come fix our odor. Everyone is very nice, but no one seems to be able to help. Marcus is coming home with a ladder tomorrow, so hopefully we can find the problem ourselves. Ugh. i hate being an adult.

I played soccer again last night! This time, it was much more successful than the other times I've tried, and I only threw up once during the game! VICTORY. :) Oh, and I didn't fall down all over the place either. I'd like to attribute this to the vast amounts of carmel brownies that I've been consuming lately... perhaps these are good for one's soul and soccer playing abilities?! I feel like they are.

I don't think I have much else to report. I subbed in 7th grade science the other day, and those kids wore me out. The highlight of the day was when one kid called me a "nazi", and his friend didn't hear him, but I did. His friend said, "huh?!" I said to the boy, "Jimmy* just called me a Nazi. You should tell him that he should insult me more quietly next time so that he doesn't get put on the naughty list." Jimmy's eyes got very wide, and I said, "Jimmy, I've been pretty nice so far, you should hear my REALLY mean voice." And then his eyes got bigger. It was really hard not for me to laugh, I'll be honest. All in all, it was a good day.

I'm enjoying going to Bible study, we're studying Luke. I'm also enjoying leading my Young Life girls, they are hilarious, and it's almost time for homecoming! Very exciting--I can't wait to see the pictures!

hugs,
brelin
(*Jimmy is not the boy's real name. I didn't want to totally embarrass him in case he stumbled upon my blog somehow.)

lots of fun adventures!!

My life has been so full of fun activities lately!! :) I have been so blessed to be attending all kinds of events in the Seattle area lately. I saw the show, Wicked, with some friends of mine--which was AMAZING. Then a couple days later, I went to a Sounders game with some other friends, which was SUPER fun. Later, I went to see Ben Harper & Pearl Jam in concert with another friend in the Key Arena which was RAD. The best part about all of these events is that someone else was supposed to go originally, and then I was called at the last minute to "fill-in"--getting to take advantage of an extra ticket. Thank you to all of you, friends, who have been so generous this past week!! :) I almost forgot to mention that Marcus, Tad, Jim, Carol, and I had a killer "jam session" at our house playing the new "Beatles Rock Band." It was awesome to see my mother-in-law playing a plastic guitar while my father-in-law was trying to pelt out the words to "I Am the Walrus." Yes, they are LOVING being retired, and yes, I took pictures. However, I think if I posted them, I'm not sure we'd ever get them to come over again. Just know they had fun. :)

The past few days in Sammamish, the weather has been awesome, and Marcus has had several days in a row off, so we thought we'd embrace the sunshine by heading to the mountains for another hiking adventure. We threw stuff in our backpacks and headed for an overnight trip to Gem Lake. (pictured below.)

It was a pretty uneventful trip, all in all, which in my world is fantastic!! There were no insane log crossings, no rock climbing sections, and no near-fainting episodes. However, I did throw up twice, sadly breaking a 4-day puke-free streak. Below is a picture of me at the beginning of the hike.

Oh, I almost forgot the man-size bug that we saw when we were about to leave. We had just finished packing all of our stuff up, Marcus was about to close his pack, and we saw this HUGE and disgusting monster sitting on the top of Marcus' pack. We immediately grabbed the camera, to photograph the removal of the bug, hoping (and praying) that the bug would not fall inside the pack. I might have let out a girly shreik, worried that it would fly when Marcus poked it with a stick. Little did I know, it was hugely fat, and could barely hop it was so heavy. :) I'll include a photo for your viewing pleasure.

After much discussion, I've decided that I'm going to try not to keep track of days in a row that I don't throw up because I just get disappointed when I start throwing up again. Marcus suggested that I celebrate each puke-free day individually, enjoying the increased energy and day of fun for what it is; and then start over being thankful the next morning again. Hopefully I will get to keep being thankful a zillion days in a row, but I just won't be thinking about "breaking a new record". I'll let you know how my new thought process goes.

Have a wonderful week!