today

I've been hanging in there lately, not feeling so hot for the most part. I'm perhaps heading into the "winter slump"--which is a bit disconcerting to us. I've got a couple of phone calls in to two different GI docs, so hopefully we can get my spiraling out of control back under control before too much damage is done. My pain levels have been through the roof, and I'm just tired of fighting. It's frustrating and exhausting knowing that anything you eat might come back up in a second, and so I've been mostly just having liquids. That's a struggle too, because it's really hard to get enough calories in when you're just having liquids. Ugh.

Yesterday I got to go sledding with Garrett, Maya, & Caleb--it was super fun! I love living out here in Enumclaw, it's been such a great time so far. We're enjoying not living on a huge hill too, it's making our transportation situation much easier. We've gotten about a foot of snow here, the most in the area, and it is gorgeous everywhere you look.

I keep telling God that I'm pretty sure I've gotten the memo about ANY lesson that He might want me to learn...I understand that I cannot do anything on my own strength. I totally get that I rely on you for all things. I know that your promises are true and that you never give me more than I can handle...but I'm tired now, God. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling to maintain minimal health. I want the pain to be over.

He has his arms wrapped tightly around me, and walks through each difficult moment with me. But at the moment, that doesn't feel like enough. I just want healing. I'm tired of messing around. Can you please hear our prayers?

good news/bad news

I went to the OBGYN at 10 am yesterday morning, and discussed the next steps with the doctor. Basically, she is hopeful tha the type of cysts I have will be reabsorbed. We set up an appointment for an ultrasound at 3 pm, so that we could get the images that she needed to watch the cysts closely.

Marcus and I decided to catch a movie between the two appointments. About mid-way through the movie, I rushed to the bathroom to vomit because of pain. After that, I came back to into the movie, and had already burst into tears...my pain was overwhelming, and I wanted to head to the ER.

Marcus took one look at me, and agreed that we should head to the ER. While I was there, they gave me a bunch of pain and nausea meds, and performed an ultrasound. They found something intersting...I still had 3 ovarian cysts, but they were a different 3 than they knew about the day before. It seems that one of the large ones had ruptured on my left side (leaving fluid and tissue), most likely causing the excruciating pain, and then I had 2 more cysts on my right. (one large one that they knew about before, and then one other small one.)

I'm doing a bit better today, still totally exhausted, but feeling a teensy bit better. I'm headed now for another nap.

Love and hugs,
b

ahh, car salesmen

Let me begin by saying that Marcus and I have been looking at cars for about 2 weeks now...We've been all over the map about what we want, and how much we're willing to pay for it. We are sharing ownership of a boat that was gifted to Jon & Tammy (Marcus' brother and sister-in-law), and needed to find a vehicle that could tow the weight of it. At that same time, if we were going to be purchasing an even more gas-guzzling car then we already owned, I told Marcus that we were going to have to sell the Jeep and buy a tiny car.

We embarked on a crazy journey of car-shopping, and finally ended up with exactly what we wanted, at the price that we wanted to pay. I actually got so angry yesterday that my lip began to quiver as I was scolding the stupid sales manager at the dealership. I usually reserve my yelling at Marcus, but this guy was ridiculous. He started off with an absurd bid on our trade ($9,000 lower than we ended up with), and was adamant that he couldn't come down on the price of his car (which he did.) By the time the guy was willing to make a deal, Marcus had already sent me to the car to cool off. We drove away, hoping that we could get that same vehicle at a different dealer that we'd had a positive experience with before. However, when we got there, that dealer was only willing to pay us $4000 less than we got at the other place for our trade. Ugh. We left that dealership, frustrated, and ready to yell again.

I practiced by deep breathing, promised Marcus that I would keep my mouth shut, took a phenergan so that I didn't throw up on anyone's desk, and went back to the stupid place where I'd yelled at the man for wasting our time. We signed all the papers, got the exact deal we wanted, and drove away in our shiny, new black Honda Civic. :) We're planning to drive the Jeep through the winter, and then sell in the spring when we find a big Tahoe or Sequoia or something that can tow the boat.

After all that, I want to report that my cold is almost all the way better now. My voice is still a little funny, but I'm not running a fever anymore. I cough a bit here and there, but am feeling much better on that front. My abdominal/pelvic pain is still hanging in there, but I think that the cysts might be resolving on their own. My pain is not as acute as it was, so I'm hoping that I'll get good news today at the doctor.

I'll try to post again this evening or early tomorrow to let you all know how things are going, and what I've found out.

On another note, I want to ask for prayers for the family and friends of Josh Baker. He was a firefighter for Renton who was killed in a car accident on Saturday night, leaving his wife and children behind. Marcus had just worked with him 2 days before, and is having a hard time believing he is really gone. Please keep the City of Renton Fire Department in your prayers, especially holding up his wife and children as they walk through this sudden and difficult loss.

Hugs,
brelin

still not so hot.

While my cold/flu symptoms seem to be progressing/resolving, it seems that I have a new source of abdominal pain--huge ovarian cysts. My nausea and vomiting have increased in frequency and intensity due to my high pain levels, as well as my flu-like symptoms. I have one ovarian cyst on my left side that is roughly 8 cm total (3.2 inches) and another on my right side that is about 4 cm. No one really knows why they form (or get so big) and are also unsure of why or when they decide to dissipate on their own.

I am hopeful that things will resolve on their own, preferably without surgical intervention... :) I am doing my best to be optimistic about the future. It was sort of nice to know that my abd. pain was within reason, and due to a new symptom that can be treated. Of course, at the doctor's office they have to paint the "worst case scenario" picture. I learned that there is a chance that the cyst would weigh down my ovary, cut off blood supply to it, and basically torque it off--completely disconnecting it. Hence, the doctor warned that I need to be sure to pay attention to my pain, and make sure to hit up the ER if things get really bad. Ugh.

I think that is all. We are still really enjoying our rental house in Enumclaw. The pace of life seems worlds apart from Sammamish, and it really is a breath of fresh air for us. It has been great to get outside for walks in the sunshine this fall--watching the beautiful leaves change in our neighborhood, enjoying and relishing the beauty of creation.

And so we move forward, desperately praying for no surgery, and that I might keep up my health. I have lost a couple of pounds in the last few days, which I think is because of my cold/flu. We trust that God's got this under control, as always. We're just hoping to wake up to a little less excitement sometime. Or, at least excitement of a different kind.

Thanks for your prayers and love.
b

ugh.

I just wanted to make a quick post to ask for extra prayers today. I am doing much worse than normal, as I have gotten a cold/flu bug. My head, throat, and sinuses are killing me...and my nausea and vomiting have increased so that I'm not even keeping fluids down. It is exhausting.

My color is a beautiful shade of green, and Marcus lovingly reminds me that I look like "death warmed over, but not even really warm." I'm running a fever too, and feel like garbage.

Please pray that this bug passes quickly, and that I start keeping fluids down so that I can avoid a trip to the ER.

Thanks.
b

alright God, I'm on it.

For a long time now, I have heard that my blog is inspiring to people and that I really should consider writing a book about my experiences. That being said, I didn't have the confidence or the energy to tackle a project that seemed so enormous. I told people that I didn't want to share my story until there is a happy ending.

I was talking with my friend and former colleague, Pr. John, and he suggested that I just start writing. He suggested calling it, "In the Meantime," which I loved immediately. I don't want to feel like I'm spinning my wheels waiting for my happy ending, and so I decided to put pen to paper and embark on this journey.

I decided to start with a devotional for Lent, and perhaps later down the road work on a memoir...

As I have already mentioned, Marcus and I moved to Enumclaw recently. I love our new home, as it is close enough to walk to the downtown area. Marcus was working the other day, and I'd received a coupon in the mail for a free pumpkin spice latte. The sun was shining, so I ventured out with my writing materials in hand to get my free latte, and get some work done on my new project.

I arrived at the Christian book store, and as the man was making my coffee, he asked, "What brings you in today?" I answered that I was working on writing a devotional. He smiled and said, "That's amazing! Congratulations! What is it about?" I told him what my plan was, and then he said, "I only work part-time here. I also work for a publishing company. Here is a flyer on how to get your book published once you are ready. Also, there is a Christian writing community that meets once a month in Bothell. I'll give you that information too!"

And so I walked out with my pumpkin spice latte in hand, amazed by this man, and the way that God worked out that whole situation just so that I could be encouraged about my book-writing beginnings. I'm not sure why I am still amazed when God is so blatant with the reminders of encouragement and love...but I still stand back in awe of just how much He loves me and is willing to speak directly to my heart. And in case I'm not listening all the way, he sends people into my life to remind me what He is all about.

And so the writing of my book continues... :)

When I meet new people, I am often asked, "What do you do?" Most of the time, I feel like answering, "I puke full-time." However, this last time I was asked, I boldly answered, "I'm working on a book."

Please pray for me in the new, and exciting endeavor...And as always, I ask for continued prayers for healing. I continue vomiting daily, and lately have been struggling with dizziness too. Hugs and love to all.
brelin

steve-o

Steve-O.

The man, the myth, the legend.

I have learned a lot of things from all of my parents, but I thought since it was his birthday today, I would write a little bit about the one we know and love.

"Pops"--as I affectionately refer to him, is quite a guy. He is loyal, fun, and secretly a giant ball of mushy love once you get through his sarcastic bite. He has grown to be one of my favorite people in the world.

He's not my "real" dad, as I used to remind him when I was younger (and much snottier), but he loves me like I am his own. Granted, we don't talk about such things--but I know by the way he checks my blog daily, slyly snuck me a cash spot when I was in college, didn't tattle on me to mom about my gallivanting, and by the times that he has sat by my bedside all night long in the hospital the many times that I have been so ill.

He jokes about me being "someone else's problem"--like Marcus' mainly-- but I know we can count on him if we ever needed anything.

He has "lethal knees", especially with the help of several beers, and can terrorize anyone on the dance floor. The image of him circling and swaying at every family wedding reception is quite a sight to behold. It is one that will be permanently ingrained in all of our memories.

I tell him that the root of my digestive problems stems from the "ice cream incident" when I was 5 and my double-decker cone fell into the parking lot. Steve-o told me to stop crying as he dusted the gravel off my ice cream and returned it to my cone. But really, we both know it was because my mom's floors were too clean and I wasn't exposed to enough germs as a child. :)

I love you, Pops. Happy Birthday!

i made it.

I just wanted to post quickly that my oral surgery went really well. I'm doing better today, mostly off of my pain meds--and my mouth isn't hurting much at all. They somehow managed to do the surgery without needing to stitch me up--so there was nothing to rip out when I puked.

I made it through the whole first day of surgery without vomiting--and have since started again, but nothing in my mouth is bleeding, so I'm taking that to be a good sign. The oral surgeon told me to call if there are any problems...and there don't seem to be any, so I'm in the clear. :)

I think that's all for now. I'm resting up for the big weekend--Halloween parties and such...it should be lots of fun!!

b

resilient

The word that I've been hearing a lot lately is "resilient." I've heard it in many different contexts, but the message is the same...When I am faced with challenging situations, it can sometimes feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest, stomped on, and then returned to my body--only to be left in a puddle on the floor, exhausted, rejected, and feeling not a bit resilient.

At some point along that journey, God shows up and provides grace. He breathes new life into my scarred body, He injects hope into a situation that seems hopeless, and He whispers gently in my ear, "Be resilient, my child. You can make it! You can keep going; you have the strength to make it through this in MY power."

And so we continue on our in changed lives, walking through times that are filled with sorrow--but equally filled with joy and promises of a brighter future. We walk through the valley, but realize that the sun is shining just around the bend...and so we listen closely to God's guiding, trusting that His plan has brought us this far and won't leave us hanging out to dry on our own.

When the world looks in at this whole journey, they see the person in crisis and call them resilient. I'm not sure if resilient is the right word, because I think it's important to recognize that my strength is not my own. I can't live a day without God and the hope that He provides. I can't imagine a life without knowing there is something after this suffering...something so much bigger and so much better than I can even begin to comprehend.

And so we trust. We look to Psalm 62, and see that we are not alone in this difficult journey. We can take comfort in His promises to us:

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge.

the 'claw

Marcus and I have made the move into our new house officially. We finished cleaning and painting at the condo in Sammamish on Thursday night, went out to dinner with some good friends, and then have been unpacking and cleaning at our new place in Enumclaw ever since.

We are enjoying our time out in the boonies so far, and are definitely excited to be done unpacking/cleaning/arranging. I feel like the end is in sight--so I just need to stay the course, and hopefully finish sometime before my mom arrives on Thursday.

So far, there is nothing phenomenal to report about my health. I have noticed that I'm vomiting less, but am not sure if that's because we're in Enumclaw, or simply because I'm ingesting less each day. I'll keep you posted on that one.

Beyond that, I have oral surgery to have my wisdom tooth removed on 10/26. I can't believe that:
1) I have a wisdom tooth that just came in and,
2) That I have to have oral surgery. Ugh.

The good news is that I spoke with the oral surgeon didn't seem too worried about me vomiting right after surgery... saying that even if I rip out my stitches right away when puking, he thought everything would be fine because of the size and location of the tooth. My GI doc suggested IV anti-nausea meds during surgery, and told us to keep him posted on how it goes.

One of my favorite parts of living in Enumclaw is that we are super close to our family. We got to go "boo-ing" last night with our nieces and nephews. It was basically like ding, dong, ditch--only you drop off treat bags with a poem. It was adorable watching the kids hit the deck everytime a car drove by--they'd dive face-first into the grass. It was awesome--full of joy and giggling. :)

I'm looking forward to this new adventure that Enumclaw is for us. I pray that God blesses my health while we're out here, and that we'll see a miraculous healing take place any second. :) I trust that God's plan will continue to be revealed to us, as we embark on this new town and these many new adventures. We're excited to see how God will use us in this new community too, and we're ready to learn from the people here as well.

Super duper blessings to all!! And if anyone wants to clean something, come on over... I've got a project for you! :)

Brelin

the big move

The past couple of weeks have gone surprisingly fast...we have enjoyed time together with family, celebrated the lives of loved ones lost (my uncle, Mike, and my grandma, Sarah), partied it up at my brother & Alyssa's wedding, and made it out alive.

Our biggest news is that we are moving to a house in Enumclaw. We've decided to rent out our condo for a year, and rent a house in Enumclaw to see if we like it out there. We'll be closer to our nieces and nephews--which will be great, and we'll get to be in a house!! We make the big move on Saturday! We're looking forward to starting fresh, and we're praying that I may just be allergic to something in our condo--and that just by moving, I'll stop vomiting. That's our prayer anyway.

Other big news is that in the midst of this busy time, I have developed a problem with my tooth. A wisdom tooth, to be exact, that didn't grow in until I turned 30. While "normal" people get their wisdom teeth, and have them removed in high school or right after high school: clearly, my teeth are late bloomers. I went to the dentist, thinking I had a cavity or something, only to find that it's my wisdom tooth--and it needs to be removed pronto. I go see the oral surgeon on October 14. While my initial response to this news was, "why me, Lord? why something else to deal with?"--I've decided to approach the situation with laughter, and do my best to make some wise-cracks (ha ha!) along the way. The main problem with the wisdom tooth (besides that it really hurts to chew) is that every time I throw up, it feels like my tooth and, in turn, my head are going to explode. Ugh.

I'm not sure if there's much other news to share. I'm looking forward to the change of scenery, making new friends, and hoping for a brighter future full of health and life. :)

Oh, and a funny story to leave you with... It is not news that I puke into ziplock baggies. Recently, I was visiting my parents, and there were people occupying both bathrooms when the urge to vomit struck. Fortunately, I had grabbed a baggie "just in case". I'm running from bathroom to bathroom, baggie in hand, hoping that someone will come out in time. When I realize that I just can't hold it all in a second longer, I burst into the garage and attempt to "hide" between the cars--silently frustrated with my father who never closes the garage door--trying to puke into the tiny baggie I'd brought out, with all the neighbors in plain sight. Meanwhile, my brother and his new wife are out on the street checking out a family friend's new truck. While still silently cursing my father about the open garage, I try to slyly dispose of my puke-filled baggie--while smiling and waving with the other hand to the family friends. I'm looking forward to a time when I don't have to hind my baggies of vomit anywhere, and there is no need for my parents to ever close the garage door again. (Well, except for when they are sleeping--for safety, of course.)

Grandma Sarah left us with her confirmation verse, which she could still say in German:
"Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life." Revelation 21:10b

Thanks for your inspiration, Grandma, and for the way that you lived your life, free of sickness and death until your last days. I pray that I too can be an example to others, and live my life with my sights set on things that glorify God--rather than the mundane tasks that are so easy to fill our lives with. I hope that I can remain faithful and receive the crown of life too.

1115 days

Well, actually today is the 1116th day of puking. In a row. That is a lot of vomit. People who have the flu or food poisoning more than 3 days feel like they're going to die. And I've been throwing up now for one thousand one hundred and sixteen days.

wow.

Someone asked me to share my faith story for the confirmation students this year. I'm not really sure why that caught me off guard--but it did. I'm never really sure what to say. In many ways, my faith story remains the same. I am flaky, God is constant. I am trusting, God remains faithful and constant. I start to waiver and lose hope, God pulls me closer to His heart, lovingly guides me and remains constant.

Ultimately, that's the beauty of the Lord...His love is unchanged, unwavering, and completely unaffected by our stupid human-ness.

My little grandma Sarah died last Thursday, and I can't help but think of her sitting at God's side, chatting right into His ear, "Now Jesus, since I've got your full attention, let me talk to you about my Brelin..."

1.11.19-09.23.10

Grandma always had time to play. She used to take care of me when I was little, and no matter what she might have been in the middle of--she could always make time for a visit. I remember being at her house when I was 4 or so, and I would push my little yellow shopping cart up and down her hallways purchasing the "goodies" that she'd saved for me...empty milk cartons, cans of soup, and containers of oatmeal.

In that same hallway, we'd do our morning exercises. This mostly consisted of jumping jacks, touching our toes, and lots of laughter. We'd throw some dance moves in too, and I'd try to impress her while I somersaulted my toddler chubbiness down the hall. She'd tell me how I was so talented, and smother me with hugs and kisses.

She was also famous for her baking...I've been standing on a chair by her side for as long as I can remember "helping" her and learning from her. Mind you, I use the term "helping" very loosely. Just in the last year, I was finally able to master Grandma's infamous pumpkin roll (on my second try.) She coached me over the phone as I was trying to make the dish at my house in Seattle. I finally finished it with her help. I brought it over for Christmas dinner, and she pronounced it excellent. It was the biggest and best compliment I could receive.

Her faith was remarkable. It was real, and deep--unwavering, and she held Jesus close to her heart. During WWII, all in one week her family received notice that three of her brothers were MIA in Europe. Even then, in the midst of fear and faced with a profound sense of loss, she clung tightly to her faith. She worshipped regularly, was always praying for her family, and studied her bible in church and at the hall. I used to come to Bible study with her, and this would result in great conversations after. We'd talk and laugh about just how much God loves us.

Grandma had an adventurous spirit, and went after life with spunk and zest. She loved to play games with her friends, sharing in their lives with laughter and joy. She always had a kind word for others, and was a tremendously hard-worker. She was quiet about her wild stories though, and we didn't realize just how much fun she'd had until we were going through her photos with her. :)

She was a fantastic seamstress, making me beautiful homecoming and prom dresses. She hemmed my wedding dress for me, and would always dote on me through each project, making sure each seam was perfect regardless of how much sleep she lost or how many times she had to re-do it.

She was a devoted wife, a loving mother, and the best grandmother anyone could ever hope for. I love you, Grandma. Say hi to Jesus for me, and put in a good word for us up there.

slippery elm

When someone says the word, "gruel" I conjure images in my mind of a slightly emaciated green-tinged woman with a wart on her nose, hovering over large black cauldron simmering on an open flame. She is stirring her concoction with a dilapidated broom handle. Obviously, this word, "gruel" does not send me running to the kitchen to enjoy a second batch associated with that word.

I went to the naturopath this past week. He had some interesting things to say and try. This is my third naturopath, and this one seems much more scientifically rooted, especially compared to the last one who made me wear green glasses, and listen to his assistant play the tone of 'G' on a tuning fork while we discussed my deeply-rooted issues with my mother. (Clearly a story for another day, and side note: I love my mother and have no issues with her. I insisted this was true, and the doctor kept asking--"well, what is causing your vomiting then?" I said, "that's why I'm here." ugh.)

Anyway, this new naturopath seems much more medically valid, and prescribed several different vitamins and supplements to try. One of these includes one cup of a "gruel of slippery elm." First imagine something the texture of mucus and/or slug slime, then imagine an entire cup full of this hideous substance served cold. Finally, imagine that it tastes like you hacked off a chunk of tree bark from your front yard, ground it up, started gnawing on it, and then it became the texture of snot. Sound delicious? Yah, it wasn't really.

I do enjoy a few cups of ginger tea a day. They don't seem to be helping my nausea, but I don't mind the flavor. Everything is better than slippery elm. :)

I go back for a follow-up appointment next week, and then also have an appointment with Dr. Patterson to learn more about the gastric pacemaker. My weight is up, and I seem to doing well. I'm back to exercising--still puking all day long, but holding weight okay.

We're looking forward to Andy & Alyssa's wedding this coming weekend. (I can't believe my little brother is old enough to get married!!)

Hugs to all,
brelin

my current musings

There are a lot of things that I'd never really considered before I was sick. Either it was because I didn't have time, or perhaps because they weren't really worth considering. Regardless, I have already wasted my time thinking about them, so I thought I'd throw them onto the blog. Here are a sampling of the things I've learned (in no particularly useful order.)

Here goes nothing.

1. Jamba Juice. They have a secret menu that includes flavors like pink starburst, and white gummy bear. You can order them just by asking, and they are delicious.
2. You can substitute 1 cup of milk with 1 tsp. lemon juice for 1 c. of buttermilk in recipes. I'm not sure why I didn't know this before, but now I do.
3. Something to think on: why don't more rich people smoke?
4. How did the corn dog get its name?

I think that's enough things for you to ponder for today.
This past week was full of fun. We went to the Evergreen State Fair in Monroe, hence the corn dog and smoking questions. We also went to watch the Seattle Sounders play soccer. It was super fun!!

I got to see my friend, Tami, and her daughter, Evan. We made baby food.
Marcus and I picked blueberries in North Bend with Jim & Carol, and then went out to lunch with them.
We also played tennis, and took naps.

Coming up this week, we've got some wild adventures ahead...
Tomorrow morning I go see a new doctor, a different naturopath who also specializes in gastroenterology and botany. Sounds interesting, eh?

And, then in the afternoon, we're off to an ob/gyn for an annual appointment. I won't delve into the details of the "annual appointment", but let's just say I'm not really looking forward to it.

On Friday, Sarah(my sister) and Sarah (her friend) arrive and we'll be playing all weekend in Seattle. Then we'll enjoy a Dave Matthews concert in the Gorge, before they fly back to the east coast. It should be wild time.

more fun

On Saturday morning, Marcus got off work after not having slept much the night before. I was not feeling good. As you might remember from past entries, this is not necessarily a good combination. Fortunately, my stomach pain subsided relatively early in the day, and I was able to function well. We headed out for our fun weekend ahead. It began in Fife with a softball tournament for Marcus. It was single-elimination, and they lost in the first game. Normally, this would be very disappointing. But, it was okay this time because it meant that we got to go out to our next adventure on the ferry earlier than we'd thought!

Marcus and I got to have more fun adventures this weekend on Whidbey Island. We took the ferry over, and shared a house with some friends. There were lots of amazing conversations, really good farkel (the dice game) playing, and sunshine to enjoy. We sat by the campfire and made s'mores, talked about how to make the world a better place, contemplated the importance of Christian community, discussed how everyone else's life always looks way better than our own on facebook, and decided that we should go to Greece in the summer of 2011.
And that was just on Saturday!!

On Sunday, we slept in and then giggled after eating a delicious breakfast. We had an adventuresome romp on the beach, it was originally going to be a romantic walk on the beach, but we ended up doing nothing romantic, so we renamed it. We ended up finding sand dollars and spent time checking out mini crabs crawling under the water. We squished the sand between our toes in the surprisingly warm water, and looked at clams and fishies. Then we came back to the house and played corn hole. Although I did not win at corn hole, I still enjoyed myself immensely. After corn hole, we went to rent tandem bikes, thinking that riding a bicycle built for two would be the perfect way to end the weekend--but the bike shop was closed. So we went wine tasting instead. That was delicious and fun, and we found a giant chess board outside that Marcus and Tad played each other on.

All in all, it was a super fun weekend. I was puking the whole time, but it was so much fun that I didn't mind.

date day!! (rated R for language. sorry, its the true life version)

Date day was laughingly re-named "D-day" at Happy Hour this evening while I regailed my friend, Michelle, with my stories from yesterday. Please read the following post with a beer in your hand, or at least some kind of unhealthy snack in your lap--and feel free to laugh out loud. I did, right after I cleaned up. :)

Yesterday, I got up and went to YOGA because i was feeling so good! It's the first time since the fainting episodes that I've allowed myself to participate in any physical activities. My ankle and knee are doing better, and I thought I'd give class a shot, since it was Thursday, and the instructor is pretty chill for the Thursday class.

When I got home, it had just started raining (boo!), so Marcus asked me if I wanted to go see a movie. I excitedly said, "YES! Let's make it DATE DAY today!" So, I ran and changed my clothes, did my hair, primping properly for the festive day ahead. Marcus cleaned up the kitchen while I was getting ready, and then we left for the movie.

We went to see the movie, "The Other Guys." It was hilarious. It has Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, which is funny to me in and of itself. Anyway, the movie was laugh out loud funny. I had a coupon for free popcorn (which was awesome) so we ate popcorn at the movie-- and then I threw up in the middle of some important part, but Marcus caught me up. Don't worry, that's not the funny part of the story. :)

So, then we went to Coho Cafe for some lunch/dinner because we had a gift certificate that we needed to use. Marcus ate calamari. I ordered a BBQ Chicken Quesadilla, ate half, and gave the rest to Marcus. He had a Tokyo Tea, and became a little intoxicated...which was really funny. Then we walked over to Fred Meyer, picked up some groceries so that we could bake some bread--and then headed home.

We made cinnamon chip bread from scratch when we got home, while we munched on fresh-picked blueberries that we picked on Wednesday and we watched Alias season 4 on DVD. This is when date day started to go downhill. First, the loaf of bread burned. (bummer)

The biggest problem, though, is that in the middle of Alias, I had to run to the bathroom to pee. I was literally in the middle of peeing when I began to projectile vomit across the green bathroom. At that same moment, in my mind the best remedy to the situation was to put my hand in front of the stream of vomit to "catch it". However, this merely redirected the puke immediately into my right eye. So now imagine, bright purple puke all over the green wall, the white floor, the clue bath mat, my clothes, dripping down my legs and arms, in my hair, on both my hands, and now in my eye. And I'm still peeing.

My eye is burning. I think that I'm yelling for Marcus to come in and help me.
Instead, I am just yelling, "SH*T! SH*T!" over and over again.
Eventually, Marcus comes running into the bathroom, sees the disaster and asks what he should do. Meanwhile, the stench of purple puke is rumenating and Marcus plugs his nose and backs out of the bathroom. "Do you want a towel?" he says from the hallway.
"Yah, I just want to get the puke out of my eye." Next, I accusatorially ask what took him so long to get into the bathroom.
He says, "You didn't ever call me, you just kept saying,'SH*T, SH*T'. I wasn't sure if you needed me."

This story is much funnier now that everything is all cleaned up. Here is a shameless plug for a cleaning product too: Grandma's Stain Remover. It's amazing. It's for your laundry and can get out BBQ quesadilla and blueberry stains from the same shirt all without bleaching your clothes. Amazing.

I hope the next date day ends a little more calmly. :) At least this one made for a good story, I guess. And I'm sure that bathroom wall needed a thorough cleaning anyway, right?

wave after wave

When things are tough in Pukeville, it's easy to get discouraged. When I find myself rinsing my metal puke bowl out more times than I care to in a day, it's easy to get frustrated. Sometimes I can't even sit still long enough to make it through church. Yesterday was one of those days.

We made it up until the passing of the peace, and by then I had thrown up three times already. I didn't want to sit still anymore, and I certainly didn't want to talk to anyone. So Marcus and I slipped out the back. We did get to hear the sermon before we left, and it was good. It was a helpful reminder that "faith is what happens when ______." It's not necessarily when things are hunky dory, it's about how we respond when things are tough.
The sermon also stressed the important role that the church plays in supporting one another when we're too puny to walk on our own. Pr. John reminded us that we say the creed, (our statement of faith), together, aloud--and sometimes "for" eachother. I'm thankful for the times when I was able to say it for others, and I'm thankful for the times that people are supporting me with their faithfulness now.

When in the land of Pukeville, it seems like endless waves of destruction, fear, and they never seem to end. Marcus and I went to Los Cabos with some friends before I got super sick in 2007. While we were there, I was stuck in the surf, close to shore, but unable to get out; getting pelted with wave after wave. I couldn't get out of the water with my own strength. I was beaten, tossed about, thrown underwater, lost my bearings, and couldn't tell which way was up. I feel like that sometimes after I've been puking all day too. I lay there on the bathroom floor wondering if I've done something wrong, or I have not been trusting God enough with ____. I feel disoriented, discouraged, and not really knowing which way to turn.

Then, God always gives a little hope. Enough joy. A whisper of cheer. A gentle reminder to keep going...to keep trusting...that healing will come.

He calls to me, as He calls to you. Walk with me, this way, He says.

freedom!

It seems that my medical issues have been worked out for now... the doctor's appointment went well on Monday of last week. All of my lab work looks good, even my pre-albumin which checks my nutritional levels were good. They ran an EKG to check my heart as well, and that was normal. The only thing that was borderline low was my thyroid function, but it wasn't low enough that the doctor wanted to do anything about it.

I had been on a couple of medications to dull nerve pain and make me hungry, one of which they believe to be the culprit of my fainting episodes. The doctor reduced my dose significantly on Monday, and then pulled me completely off the med when I was still a little dizzy on Wednesday. Friday I didn't have much of a problem at all, and today seems to be going well so far.

I'm looking forward to a good week of Seattle sunshine, and lots of time by the pool with fun friends! Hugs to all.
brelin

beautiful disaster

The last few days, I should have stayed away from all sources of film and media as a general precaution. Here's why:

1. On Wednesday afternoon, I was whitewater rafting on the Deschutes River. We were tackling the Big Eddy Thriller for the 5-zillionth time in a row, this time all of posing for the photos that we knew they were taking--rather than paddling at the appropriate time. This caused my half of the boat to fly into the boat, pushing the other half of the boat almost out--and causing my bikini bottoms to fall somewhere down below their desired location on my hips. See picture below. The man with the hat is our guide. The guy in front of him is Marcus. I am underneath Marcus' legs with my pants down, but my foot still securely in place so as not to fall out of the boat.

Fortunately, when we received our family copy of the photos, the rafting company had edited out the parts where I was pulling up my pants. Note that in the picture below, we have all returned to our proper locations with paddles in hand. This clearly took a while.

2. The second media mishap of the week occurred when I was cheering for my nieces and nephews while they were playing tennis. Jim, my father-in-law, happened to be videotaping the whole thing, and thus caught the incident on camera. This one isn't quite as funny because it was a bit more serious, and the cause is still unknown--but it's still a little humourous that he got it on film. So, I'm the blue and white blob that runs up to the fence on the far right. I fainted for some reason, and sprained my ankle. I hurt my arm too. Marcus took me to the ER to make sure nothing was broken, and they gave me some fluids too. Here's the video:

3. The next day, I did some shopping with the girls in Bend, and I fainted again. This time, I fell into a clothes rack in a hipster little shop. It was really embarrassing (again). I rolled my same ankle, but fortunately didn't hit my head either time. I have an appointment to see my GI doctor on Monday, and suspect that I'll have a million tests to find out what's going on with my body chemistry--because clearly something is amiss.

4. The good news is that I'm really not feeling all that bad. I've been keeping fluids down well, and peeing--so it seems like I'm not really dehydrated. And I've even kept down some food the last couple of days...so I'm not really sure what's going on. I'm a little frustrated, and borderline discouraged because I can't be left alone, and I can't drive...and now I can't even really walk because my ankle is swollen and sore. Ugh. I just keep thinking that one day I'll wake up and this will all be over...

5. The even better news is that I am so loved. I am so blessed by family, and when I start feeling sorry for myself--I think about those who do not get to experience the love that I feel each day. I am shown God's love through my family and friends, through the giggles and play of my nieces and nephews--and through the tender care of my spouse. God has blessed me so abundantly, and has given me the strength to get through this nightmare of puking, fainting, and pain. He has given me the courage to battle through, and is now giving me the wisdom to know when I need to humble myself and ask for help.

I trust that all things are done is His time, and according to His plan--I just hope that His plan might include healing soon. I'd be a fan.

brelin