metropolitan


Friday, August 20, 2010

date day!! (rated R for language. sorry, its the true life version)

Date day was laughingly re-named "D-day" at Happy Hour this evening while I regailed my friend, Michelle, with my stories from yesterday. Please read the following post with a beer in your hand, or at least some kind of unhealthy snack in your lap--and feel free to laugh out loud. I did, right after I cleaned up. :)

Yesterday, I got up and went to YOGA because i was feeling so good! It's the first time since the fainting episodes that I've allowed myself to participate in any physical activities. My ankle and knee are doing better, and I thought I'd give class a shot, since it was Thursday, and the instructor is pretty chill for the Thursday class.

When I got home, it had just started raining (boo!), so Marcus asked me if I wanted to go see a movie. I excitedly said, "YES! Let's make it DATE DAY today!" So, I ran and changed my clothes, did my hair, primping properly for the festive day ahead. Marcus cleaned up the kitchen while I was getting ready, and then we left for the movie.

We went to see the movie, "The Other Guys." It was hilarious. It has Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, which is funny to me in and of itself. Anyway, the movie was laugh out loud funny. I had a coupon for free popcorn (which was awesome) so we ate popcorn at the movie-- and then I threw up in the middle of some important part, but Marcus caught me up. Don't worry, that's not the funny part of the story. :)

So, then we went to Coho Cafe for some lunch/dinner because we had a gift certificate that we needed to use. Marcus ate calamari. I ordered a BBQ Chicken Quesadilla, ate half, and gave the rest to Marcus. He had a Tokyo Tea, and became a little intoxicated...which was really funny. Then we walked over to Fred Meyer, picked up some groceries so that we could bake some bread--and then headed home.

We made cinnamon chip bread from scratch when we got home, while we munched on fresh-picked blueberries that we picked on Wednesday and we watched Alias season 4 on DVD. This is when date day started to go downhill. First, the loaf of bread burned. (bummer)

The biggest problem, though, is that in the middle of Alias, I had to run to the bathroom to pee. I was literally in the middle of peeing when I began to projectile vomit across the green bathroom. At that same moment, in my mind the best remedy to the situation was to put my hand in front of the stream of vomit to "catch it". However, this merely redirected the puke immediately into my right eye. So now imagine, bright purple puke all over the green wall, the white floor, the clue bath mat, my clothes, dripping down my legs and arms, in my hair, on both my hands, and now in my eye. And I'm still peeing.

My eye is burning. I think that I'm yelling for Marcus to come in and help me.
Instead, I am just yelling, "SH*T! SH*T!" over and over again.
Eventually, Marcus comes running into the bathroom, sees the disaster and asks what he should do. Meanwhile, the stench of purple puke is rumenating and Marcus plugs his nose and backs out of the bathroom. "Do you want a towel?" he says from the hallway.
"Yah, I just want to get the puke out of my eye." Next, I accusatorially ask what took him so long to get into the bathroom.
He says, "You didn't ever call me, you just kept saying,'SH*T, SH*T'. I wasn't sure if you needed me."

This story is much funnier now that everything is all cleaned up. Here is a shameless plug for a cleaning product too: Grandma's Stain Remover. It's amazing. It's for your laundry and can get out BBQ quesadilla and blueberry stains from the same shirt all without bleaching your clothes. Amazing.

I hope the next date day ends a little more calmly. :) At least this one made for a good story, I guess. And I'm sure that bathroom wall needed a thorough cleaning anyway, right?

1 comment:

Weakley said...

effing phenomenal story. it's sarah weakley tellable. the phrase "purple puke" is literary gold.