ugh with a side of funny

Thank you for your continued prayers. I'd love to report that things have turned around--but I'd be lying. :)

Things seem to continue to be rough. The latest good news is that I'm able to see my GI doctor about doing the gastric pacemaker surgery on Friday. I'm hoping to get this done ASAP--hoping that it will help me ward off the current downward trend. I have lost 8 lbs since the ER trip which was just two weeks ago. I don't have any more news on the ovarian cysts. My pain continues to be bad, but not excruciating--leading me to believe that they are either getting smaller, or else just not rupturing any longer. I'm supposed to have a follow-up ultrasound in about a month.

I'm planning to ask the GI doc on Friday if they can do a little "spring cleaning" in my abdomen while they are putting in the pacemaker. I'm hoping that they might be able to remove scar tissue, remove any large ovarian cysts and put in the the Gastric Pacer all at the same time. This might be wishful thinking on my part--I'll have to keep you posted.

And now, for a funny story from my life...

In our house in Enumclaw, we have a wood-burning fireplace in our family room. The other night, we had record low temperatures in our area, and I thought how nice it might be to have a fire going while we watched some movies.

**Please remember that I'm married to a firefighter as you read the rest of the story.**

I had purchased some presto logs, after having read about how they burn "cleaner" and are ultimately "better for the environment." Marcus read the directions carefully, and put the presto logs in the formation written on the package. He put two full presto logs next to each other, with a piece of kindling in the middle, and then placed one presto log broken into three pieces on top with a bit more kindling.

About an hour and a half later, and with much muttering from Marcus, the fire was still not burning. I thought I could help, but even my "I used to be a camp counselor and I can make a fire with just one match" skills could end the presto log lack of fire situation.

Marcus thought that it might help to douse one of the small presto logs with a bit of vodka. I thought that seemed like a reasonable idea--he returned with the drenched log, but it still wouldn't light. About 30 minutes later, in his infinite wisdom, he disappeared into the garage with one of the small pieces of presto log.

As he re-entered the house, he shouted, "Don't light any matches, I'm coming in with a gasoline-soaked presto log." Certain that he was going to light his facial hair or some part of me on fire, I ran into the living room, thinking the log might explode or something...Alas, even the gasoline-soaked stupid presto log would not stay lit. How can this be? Faulty product--perhaps.

Fortunately, we had purchased regular wood as well. I removed all presto log pieces, and started over with real wood. One match later, we had a fire burning bright.

In my infinite wisdom, I chucked a couple of presto logs onto the fire that was burning fabulously. About 5 minutes passed, and we had a roaring flame. It was burning so hot and so huge that it set off our upstairs smoke detector. Marcus blamed me for this.

All in all, we had some excellent laughs--and decided to never purchase presto logs again.

today

I've been hanging in there lately, not feeling so hot for the most part. I'm perhaps heading into the "winter slump"--which is a bit disconcerting to us. I've got a couple of phone calls in to two different GI docs, so hopefully we can get my spiraling out of control back under control before too much damage is done. My pain levels have been through the roof, and I'm just tired of fighting. It's frustrating and exhausting knowing that anything you eat might come back up in a second, and so I've been mostly just having liquids. That's a struggle too, because it's really hard to get enough calories in when you're just having liquids. Ugh.

Yesterday I got to go sledding with Garrett, Maya, & Caleb--it was super fun! I love living out here in Enumclaw, it's been such a great time so far. We're enjoying not living on a huge hill too, it's making our transportation situation much easier. We've gotten about a foot of snow here, the most in the area, and it is gorgeous everywhere you look.

I keep telling God that I'm pretty sure I've gotten the memo about ANY lesson that He might want me to learn...I understand that I cannot do anything on my own strength. I totally get that I rely on you for all things. I know that your promises are true and that you never give me more than I can handle...but I'm tired now, God. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling to maintain minimal health. I want the pain to be over.

He has his arms wrapped tightly around me, and walks through each difficult moment with me. But at the moment, that doesn't feel like enough. I just want healing. I'm tired of messing around. Can you please hear our prayers?

good news/bad news

I went to the OBGYN at 10 am yesterday morning, and discussed the next steps with the doctor. Basically, she is hopeful tha the type of cysts I have will be reabsorbed. We set up an appointment for an ultrasound at 3 pm, so that we could get the images that she needed to watch the cysts closely.

Marcus and I decided to catch a movie between the two appointments. About mid-way through the movie, I rushed to the bathroom to vomit because of pain. After that, I came back to into the movie, and had already burst into tears...my pain was overwhelming, and I wanted to head to the ER.

Marcus took one look at me, and agreed that we should head to the ER. While I was there, they gave me a bunch of pain and nausea meds, and performed an ultrasound. They found something intersting...I still had 3 ovarian cysts, but they were a different 3 than they knew about the day before. It seems that one of the large ones had ruptured on my left side (leaving fluid and tissue), most likely causing the excruciating pain, and then I had 2 more cysts on my right. (one large one that they knew about before, and then one other small one.)

I'm doing a bit better today, still totally exhausted, but feeling a teensy bit better. I'm headed now for another nap.

Love and hugs,
b

ahh, car salesmen

Let me begin by saying that Marcus and I have been looking at cars for about 2 weeks now...We've been all over the map about what we want, and how much we're willing to pay for it. We are sharing ownership of a boat that was gifted to Jon & Tammy (Marcus' brother and sister-in-law), and needed to find a vehicle that could tow the weight of it. At that same time, if we were going to be purchasing an even more gas-guzzling car then we already owned, I told Marcus that we were going to have to sell the Jeep and buy a tiny car.

We embarked on a crazy journey of car-shopping, and finally ended up with exactly what we wanted, at the price that we wanted to pay. I actually got so angry yesterday that my lip began to quiver as I was scolding the stupid sales manager at the dealership. I usually reserve my yelling at Marcus, but this guy was ridiculous. He started off with an absurd bid on our trade ($9,000 lower than we ended up with), and was adamant that he couldn't come down on the price of his car (which he did.) By the time the guy was willing to make a deal, Marcus had already sent me to the car to cool off. We drove away, hoping that we could get that same vehicle at a different dealer that we'd had a positive experience with before. However, when we got there, that dealer was only willing to pay us $4000 less than we got at the other place for our trade. Ugh. We left that dealership, frustrated, and ready to yell again.

I practiced by deep breathing, promised Marcus that I would keep my mouth shut, took a phenergan so that I didn't throw up on anyone's desk, and went back to the stupid place where I'd yelled at the man for wasting our time. We signed all the papers, got the exact deal we wanted, and drove away in our shiny, new black Honda Civic. :) We're planning to drive the Jeep through the winter, and then sell in the spring when we find a big Tahoe or Sequoia or something that can tow the boat.

After all that, I want to report that my cold is almost all the way better now. My voice is still a little funny, but I'm not running a fever anymore. I cough a bit here and there, but am feeling much better on that front. My abdominal/pelvic pain is still hanging in there, but I think that the cysts might be resolving on their own. My pain is not as acute as it was, so I'm hoping that I'll get good news today at the doctor.

I'll try to post again this evening or early tomorrow to let you all know how things are going, and what I've found out.

On another note, I want to ask for prayers for the family and friends of Josh Baker. He was a firefighter for Renton who was killed in a car accident on Saturday night, leaving his wife and children behind. Marcus had just worked with him 2 days before, and is having a hard time believing he is really gone. Please keep the City of Renton Fire Department in your prayers, especially holding up his wife and children as they walk through this sudden and difficult loss.

Hugs,
brelin

still not so hot.

While my cold/flu symptoms seem to be progressing/resolving, it seems that I have a new source of abdominal pain--huge ovarian cysts. My nausea and vomiting have increased in frequency and intensity due to my high pain levels, as well as my flu-like symptoms. I have one ovarian cyst on my left side that is roughly 8 cm total (3.2 inches) and another on my right side that is about 4 cm. No one really knows why they form (or get so big) and are also unsure of why or when they decide to dissipate on their own.

I am hopeful that things will resolve on their own, preferably without surgical intervention... :) I am doing my best to be optimistic about the future. It was sort of nice to know that my abd. pain was within reason, and due to a new symptom that can be treated. Of course, at the doctor's office they have to paint the "worst case scenario" picture. I learned that there is a chance that the cyst would weigh down my ovary, cut off blood supply to it, and basically torque it off--completely disconnecting it. Hence, the doctor warned that I need to be sure to pay attention to my pain, and make sure to hit up the ER if things get really bad. Ugh.

I think that is all. We are still really enjoying our rental house in Enumclaw. The pace of life seems worlds apart from Sammamish, and it really is a breath of fresh air for us. It has been great to get outside for walks in the sunshine this fall--watching the beautiful leaves change in our neighborhood, enjoying and relishing the beauty of creation.

And so we move forward, desperately praying for no surgery, and that I might keep up my health. I have lost a couple of pounds in the last few days, which I think is because of my cold/flu. We trust that God's got this under control, as always. We're just hoping to wake up to a little less excitement sometime. Or, at least excitement of a different kind.

Thanks for your prayers and love.
b

ugh.

I just wanted to make a quick post to ask for extra prayers today. I am doing much worse than normal, as I have gotten a cold/flu bug. My head, throat, and sinuses are killing me...and my nausea and vomiting have increased so that I'm not even keeping fluids down. It is exhausting.

My color is a beautiful shade of green, and Marcus lovingly reminds me that I look like "death warmed over, but not even really warm." I'm running a fever too, and feel like garbage.

Please pray that this bug passes quickly, and that I start keeping fluids down so that I can avoid a trip to the ER.

Thanks.
b

alright God, I'm on it.

For a long time now, I have heard that my blog is inspiring to people and that I really should consider writing a book about my experiences. That being said, I didn't have the confidence or the energy to tackle a project that seemed so enormous. I told people that I didn't want to share my story until there is a happy ending.

I was talking with my friend and former colleague, Pr. John, and he suggested that I just start writing. He suggested calling it, "In the Meantime," which I loved immediately. I don't want to feel like I'm spinning my wheels waiting for my happy ending, and so I decided to put pen to paper and embark on this journey.

I decided to start with a devotional for Lent, and perhaps later down the road work on a memoir...

As I have already mentioned, Marcus and I moved to Enumclaw recently. I love our new home, as it is close enough to walk to the downtown area. Marcus was working the other day, and I'd received a coupon in the mail for a free pumpkin spice latte. The sun was shining, so I ventured out with my writing materials in hand to get my free latte, and get some work done on my new project.

I arrived at the Christian book store, and as the man was making my coffee, he asked, "What brings you in today?" I answered that I was working on writing a devotional. He smiled and said, "That's amazing! Congratulations! What is it about?" I told him what my plan was, and then he said, "I only work part-time here. I also work for a publishing company. Here is a flyer on how to get your book published once you are ready. Also, there is a Christian writing community that meets once a month in Bothell. I'll give you that information too!"

And so I walked out with my pumpkin spice latte in hand, amazed by this man, and the way that God worked out that whole situation just so that I could be encouraged about my book-writing beginnings. I'm not sure why I am still amazed when God is so blatant with the reminders of encouragement and love...but I still stand back in awe of just how much He loves me and is willing to speak directly to my heart. And in case I'm not listening all the way, he sends people into my life to remind me what He is all about.

And so the writing of my book continues... :)

When I meet new people, I am often asked, "What do you do?" Most of the time, I feel like answering, "I puke full-time." However, this last time I was asked, I boldly answered, "I'm working on a book."

Please pray for me in the new, and exciting endeavor...And as always, I ask for continued prayers for healing. I continue vomiting daily, and lately have been struggling with dizziness too. Hugs and love to all.
brelin

steve-o

Steve-O.

The man, the myth, the legend.

I have learned a lot of things from all of my parents, but I thought since it was his birthday today, I would write a little bit about the one we know and love.

"Pops"--as I affectionately refer to him, is quite a guy. He is loyal, fun, and secretly a giant ball of mushy love once you get through his sarcastic bite. He has grown to be one of my favorite people in the world.

He's not my "real" dad, as I used to remind him when I was younger (and much snottier), but he loves me like I am his own. Granted, we don't talk about such things--but I know by the way he checks my blog daily, slyly snuck me a cash spot when I was in college, didn't tattle on me to mom about my gallivanting, and by the times that he has sat by my bedside all night long in the hospital the many times that I have been so ill.

He jokes about me being "someone else's problem"--like Marcus' mainly-- but I know we can count on him if we ever needed anything.

He has "lethal knees", especially with the help of several beers, and can terrorize anyone on the dance floor. The image of him circling and swaying at every family wedding reception is quite a sight to behold. It is one that will be permanently ingrained in all of our memories.

I tell him that the root of my digestive problems stems from the "ice cream incident" when I was 5 and my double-decker cone fell into the parking lot. Steve-o told me to stop crying as he dusted the gravel off my ice cream and returned it to my cone. But really, we both know it was because my mom's floors were too clean and I wasn't exposed to enough germs as a child. :)

I love you, Pops. Happy Birthday!